You turned my blood blue.
I opened up to you,
I didn’t want to.

My mind isn’t a product on a shelf, my ideas don’t have date of birth…

So why?

When I use my creators talents to survive do they feel entitled?

Do they need enlightened?

My creativity is what leads to my earnings not income…

Do they know about my struggles, have they endured my downfalls?

Was I given an option?

Provided without consent a number and label, scanned in at every doctor visit…

Can any other entity force participation in becoming an owned product?

Government.

I’m on the spectrum, I’m an uneducated man, I’ve barely read an entire book, ADHD won’t let me take a seat…

Taxed on every step, in between and during every breath, well this isn’t a service anyone could offer but me…

CREATIVITY!!!

I’ve overcome every statistic that they say I should be a part of.

Raised by a teenage mom who struggled with drug use…

Raised within an environment that provided every type of abuse…

Institutionalized from a childhood that provided trauma rather than comfort.

Do they know how many hours it has taken me to not be subject to the pain?

Do they know my brain was under so much strain that it physically and mentally drained me?

Why do they keep messing with me, can I please just be left alone?

At home I feel safe, out in the world I have to pretend to be someone fake in order to make a living for my family.

Many like me collecting a check but I still keep chasing mine.

Does this make sense?

Why won’t my mind let me erase the past, why does the present always seem like a science project that costs me financially, when will the future provide freedom through security?

Amidst the spectrum I lay, within life I lie, within my mind I continuously try, within my heart I cry!!!

My wife, my sons, my dogs are all that I can comply with.

Any other relationship or friendship is made to cohabitate because of this mandate they provide.

They keep pushing these lines closer forcing me to hide, I refuse to reside within their time.

I refuse to comply and belong to a world I didn’t ask for.

I cannot be forced to fill their cups with the sweat from my back filling their bank accounts without wanting to mentally break and crack!

SNAPPED

Please just understand, look at the psychiatrist notes, the fact I have not been subject to hate or pushed the pain I exhumed on others should tell you I’m doing good enough.

I don’t want or need to be measured by the pressure I can be forced to endure, my existence is not your business.

You got me for 12 years in the school system, force feeding fictional wealth, indoctrinating my mind to persuade me to your side…

Keep sending me letters, keep trying to instill fear, smear my name I was given like a dog all over your cut down trees, I refuse to entertain your tries…

Judgement day will come and for those like you who run and hide I wish I could see…

Judgement day will arrive and for those like you I wish you could see, I’ll be standing tall looking eye to eye!

PROUD!

Beauty may appear ugly,
if you don’t look closely.
Without willing admiration, Heaven could go unnoticed.
Are we guilty, of only seeing
what we predetermine?

Beauty may appear pretty,
if you look closely.
With willing admiration,
Heaven couldn’t go unnoticed.
Are we guilty, of only seeing
what we look for?

Ugly or pretty, with or without,
could or couldn’t, predetermined or sought after, none of this matters because…
Without any thoughts or willingness, she captured my hidden eyes,
with feelings found!

The Catholic Church
told my mom to have an abortion,  she was 16 and not married so therefore I should’ve been killed!

The Catholic Church
told my grandma they were sorry,
she was 5 years old when the Catholic Priest had molested her!

The Catholic Church
told my mom not to get a divorce, 13 years of being abused by her husband, better than going to Hell.

The Catholic Church
refused to accept my siblings, for they were not baptized or raised within the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church
pushed me away from religion, but that was before I talked to God!

The Catholic Church
some of the most judgmental people, until just recently they didn’t even let women vote on the Vatican panel.

The Catholic Church
has no place in their heart for me or my family, I don’t need a big church or others approval to have a relationship with Jesus or God.

The Catholic Church
Shunned my mom, molested my grandma and tried to have me killed, all based on judgement, they cannot speak for God!

Adjacent to the morals and values temptation lingered in the form of a scent…

Life's lines started to slide in unison with the mind as the parallels of honor were met by perpendicular tries…

Cries inside watered the dehydrated heart, allowing it to again float…

Strings being pulled but regardless their strength you got to want what you seek within more than not…

Courage responds to the lusts love labeling it false as it reminds you of who you are…

TeMpTaTiOn DeNiEd!

“Before poetry I was an Angel with no wings.”Rgrove2023

Flip me inside out, then cut my brain in half, look closely at it all, then you can ******* judge me!

Hold my heart in your hand, with every single beat you feel, tell me who I am!

I’ve lost touch,
maybe I never deserved it.
Genuine Love,
a very distant stranger.
Lack of example,
nothing is new.
Lifetime Damage,
I fall victim to!

I’ve lost touch,
please show me I haven’t.
Genuine concern,
a close resemblance.
An abundance of confidence,
everything is familiar.
Lifetime Struggle,
defines my skin.

How long until A.I leads a religion, when confused souls ask for answers, A.I will respond…

How long until this is reality, young minds being led by artificial intelligence, instead of God…

I see where this is all headed, we all have allowed this direction, indoctrination through algorithms…

I see their intentions, radios to televisions, computers to cellphones, Alexa and Siri…

With each technological advance we allow our grips to be less tightened on who we are…

A world
in a world
Hidden from
the people within
An experiment
within a world
inside another one
The outsiders looking in
paying dues to disrupt us
Making bets on threats to come
laughing at the ignorance
among us, wondering how…
WE COULD BE SO DUMB!
wondering how?
WE COULD BE SO CONTROLLED!
wondering how?
We believe one thing but let it be taken away.
FREEDOM, we are free
gained from deaths
of many loved ones
from war that was
defending our
FREEDOM…..
SUPPOSEDLY
I CALL *******
it’s all just “politics”
Profit driven
entertainment filled
humanity killed
expensive thrills
the outsiders fund
to get their socks off
from looking in
At:
A world
in a world
Hidden from
the people within

Seeds deep beneath the soil, Gods anger boiled from the Hell on earth, we’re growing into the ground, upside down…MORALS & VALUES, caught in a trap, laugh… cry die try deny reply satisfy WHAT, your greed, children’s needs not being met, literally they are starving to death, movie stars the Satan’s spawn, POLITICS, war is just a business not measured by life or death but rather PROFITS, a lost battle leads to more herds of cattle. A won fight might just be the influence to create more false light, try, try, try to overcome the WHY WHY WHY, noose news knew, then, than, THEM, Life is a false illusion, pollution is confusion, reality is gravity, GROUNDED, hounded , OuTeRsPaCe, face the facts, Red, White, Yellow, Black, Brown, dogs man’s best friend … COLORBLIND, unable to comprehend understand nor participate in the division and hate, no taxes federal or state, no insecurities to force their brains to contemplate, NO MARKETING, STOP, GO, YIELD powers of three BRAINWASH, daily in our everyday routine. A.I don’t mean a thing to the things that brings the real trauma, DRAMA, causing distractions. Lacking actions , Government Dissatisfactions, many languages but I only speak one ,,,, Geometria… NUMBERS speak it all, the truth lies in words, spoken or said, Reverse engineer the facts, forward truth lacks the past, outlast the casts, they all want you to react, refuse the juice, don’t take a SIP, lip, lift, the ****, release the gift, the present is a false illusion to the delusion of what comes NEXT, stay tuned,,, OR DON’T… know the facts

Contradiction is synonymous with Government, Politics is antonymous with Equality, Faith is expected but continuously religion is rejected, our problems keep multiplying as bigger issues are willingly erected, Baby Boomers are near the end and I fear what that'll mean, they seem to be the last living of better times, how can their offspring be this ****** up! MASS-MARKETING fueled with HATE pushing HIDDEN-AGENDAS simultaneously seen thanks to....
​​​​​​

"SIN"cerely Yours, SoCiAl MeDiA...

Persuasion progressively providing power, producing prominence, procreating patterns, pushing, pulling people proudly, pirating problems, pouring passion **** poorly, promising prizes, panhandling profits!

“Please play, please pay, please pick parties? “

POLITICS
O
I
N
T
L
E
S
S

Yesterday on my way to work, I noticed a lady on the side of the road in a van and as much as I wanted to pretend I didn’t I told myself I did.

She ran out of gas and was only a half mile from the gas station, but yet she sat on her *** chain-smoking cigarettes.

Normally I wouldn’t care because my brain tells me if you can afford cigarettes then you can afford gas, but I decided to not judge and I went and got her a gallon and $13 can.

I do traveling sales and we have 14 salesman at an event and yesterday we only sold a total of four cars, I’m happy to say my name was on two of those deals.

The very first customer, I spoke to desperately needed to buy, but didn’t think he could get approved, well he left in an SUV within his budget and he was so excited he could barely sign the contract.

The last customer at the event somehow landed at my desk and although they told me they weren’t going to make a decision that day they left in a one year-old truck that they absolutely loved!


The moral of yesterday is… life is a transfer of energy! Whether or not your brain tells you, they deserve your kindness, remember, God gave up his only son for the forgiveness of their sins too!

ps: NO ONE IS PERFECT!

Life is an infinite amount of energies all cohabitating within time. What kind of energy are you transferring, is it loving and kind?

Our personal experiences try to shape our heart and mind. What kind of past experiences do you have, are they loving and kind?

Life is an infinite amount of love when you transfer the energy you wish and hope to receive. Our future happiness relies heavily on who we are.

We’re born in a square, we’re raised in a square, we eat and sleep in a square while on a square, we travel by square, we go to school in squares, we become adults having square homes with square yards, we shop inside squares, we work in squares, we travel to squares and our entire life we pay for these squares with time, loans, interest and square bills, when will we all realize our life is spent and devoted to squares, squares in our palms, square screens, square neighbors, square friends and family, I say ***** all these lines of lies, let’s break free from these square boxes and devote our purpose to no boundaries or limits.

I only feel normal when I’m by myself, adding 1 person and out comes the stress.

I don’t feel it’s right or fair to be this way for the ones I love and care.

I replay our recent times in the front of my mind only to feel like I let them down.

I try to plan ahead pretending I can turn these self-defense mechanisms off.

My wife deserves me at my best, my love deserves to experience the same man that exists alone.

My children deserve to witness and receive an unconditional love without past grief.

My family is my rock and stone, my family that reside within our home.

My wife so strong she fills voids before they can become cracks….

Poetry, brain music, exercise, outdoors, notebooks, research, studying and good routines… a few remedies taken the most!!!

I am at my best, the growth I now desire must come at the growth of others.

I’m a paperback kid, my cover is worn.

I’m a paperback kid, my pages are torn.

I’m a paperback kid, my story being born.

I’m a paperback kid, my blood ink sworn.

I’m a paperback kid, my childhood mourns.

I’m a paperback kid, my summary warns.

I was the result of their dialogue, never getting to vote on my childhoods nouns, verbs or adjectives.

I’m a hardcover adult, my future stands strong!

………,,,,………..,❤
                                []
               ­                 []
               W =====<>===== E
                                []
                            ­    []
                 MORAL:S

Life isn't a journey
                 but rather a path
Purpose isn't discovered
                    but rather found
Happiness isn't given
           but rather a decision
       Love isn't granted
but rather formed
       Lead with your heart,
             decide with your mind
         Let your morals
   be the compass
               and you will,
                   NEVER BE LOST

Passionate
   ​​​​​​Offerings
      Emotional
         Thoughts
            Releasing
               Yourself

        Problems
          Obstacles
             Erased
                Through
                    Realizing
    ­                   Yourself

                           Poetry
                        Overcomes
                     Everything
                  That
               Reality
            Yields

        Poetry provides helP
             Poetry creates lOve
               Poetry helps Everyone
       Poetry outlives Time
            Poetry neveR will die
     Poetry perfectlY prescribed

“POETRY,
life’s healthiest remedy”

A spiraling staircase leads below to worlds unknown

One sign resides at the top before the first step drops
———————
l   CAUTION    l
l  enter at own  l
|       RISK        |
———————
            |
            |
            |  ­                           ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|
What thoughts race through a curious mind as you look down
As far as your eyes can see long and it keeps going
Other bystanders keep passing by never even taking a look
Until finally you decide to get close and commit to one step
WAIT! someone screams in fear for you causing you to back up
What, wait, huh , what do you mean you mutter confused
The gentleman says “ you must not be from around here “
If you were then you would know that this stairway is a trap
You reply back “ what do you mean, I don’t understand “
Just trust me kid it’s not worth your time , you must move on
Go! Get and never ever be tempted again to consider
For what lies below none of us know for one mere fact
Not one soul has ever lived to tell of what is down below
As you turn to look back down at the endless stairs that spiral
You look back at the strange man and he’s no where in sight
Your body gets chills as your mind’s thoughts cross paths
You are drawn back to that sign but this time it is totally bare
———————
l                       |
l                       l
|                       |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\
You start to get creeped out wondering, how this could be ?
But yet that dark black spiral staircase leading down remains
You put your hand on the top of the rail ¥ as you grasp it firmly
You lift your right foot to plant down on the first drop...
Don’t ! Someone screams as you retract your foot back
What do you think you’re doing ? Cant you read the sign !
The woman in a dress-suit finishes yelling  at you
You reply back what do you mean ma'am I’m confused
She firmly reaches out her arm and points her finger at the sign
———————
l         NO.       l
l  Trespassing |  
|                      |
———————
            |
            |
   ­         |                             ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|
You plead with her you never read that or those words
But rather it stated something different before
She laughed hysterically and scary loud with her head back
And when she came back to eye level with yours .......

You couldn’t believe what you saw ..... it’s your ex-girlfriend
What in the hell? you ask as her hands turn to claws
The gentleman’s voice from before yells “ I told you so “
Run, Run, Run! He pleads but where? as you’re  cornered
The staircase the only place left to go as her eyes turn red
Thorns appear from her hair as her heels explode off
You feel stuck in place, truly lost not knowing what to do
She takes her claw and points one last time at that sign
You look in fear and cannot believe what you read
———————
l GET OUT OF l
l   MY HEAD     l
| NOW!!!!!!!!!   |
———————
            |
            |
            |              ­               ¥
            |                              |}\\|
            |­————————-|}\\|
           ^————————-|}\\\|

D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          E
                   S
D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          E
                   S

SOLVED BELOW

D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
G   O   E    S   R   L    E   L    R
S   H    C   E   O   E         A    E
     O    U         R   C        N    T
     L     R               T        N
            I                           E
            T                         D
            I
            E
            S

DRUGS
ALCOHOL
INSECU­RITIES
ABUSE
TERROR
NEGLECT
HATE
UNPLANNED
REGRET

A teenager suffering mental flaws, leaves home to live on the road. Partaking in DRUGS and ALCOHOL to deal with the INSECURITIES, she finds comfort in attention from the older guys.

She doesn’t mind the ABUSE physically, mentally and emotionally they put her through, nor does she recognize the TERROR caused.

She is just happy to get attention and escape the NEGLECT from her parents who she has grown to HATE.

Eventually she becomes pregnant with an UNPLANNED child, instantly being stuck with REGRET…

MY GENETIC CODE
                              N
                              A

D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
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         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          E
                   S
D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
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           ­          E
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D   A    I     A    T   N  H   U    R
R   L    N    B   E   E   A   N    E
U   C   S    U   R   G   T   P    G
            GOES R L E L R
         SH    CEO   E A E
              OU       RCNT
                  LR   TN
                       IE
                      TD
                        I
           ­          EXPLAINED
                   S

That woman is my Mom, the code within my blood, birthed to the flaws…

Don’t put your
                 FA.ITH
                    In
                   A.I
                    It
                   A.IN’T
               Your God!

From voices to voice,
from madness to sadness,
the words I heard were my own…

Inevitably pain converted to tears,
From abused to confused,
from physical to emotional…

“It all hurts the same!”

From voices to voice,
from madness to sadness,
the words I heard were my own…

Inevitably years converted to decades,
From childhood to Fatherhood,
from frightened to safe…

“It all felt different!”

CHANGE

Amidst our love’s equations,
ex remained an undetermined variable.

Throughout all of our mathematical madness, we both had some tough problems.

Words heard upon deaf ears, they were just words after all as we both discovered.

Good intentions may have been our shadows, shadows require light and die within darkness.

Early on we practiced addition, as we put ourselves together. Resulting in something bigger than that of our own.

Physical attraction our common denominator, never did our numerators ever line up.

Our individual struggles we battled, quickly multiplying. Neither one of us acquainted with zero so the trauma quickly outnumbered the love.

Resentment a product, dividing our atoms of desire into millions of shattered pieces, as we tore each-other apart.

It quickly became overly apparent, we weren’t solving for an undetermined variable but rather accepting, ex was referring to both of us!  

“Math doesn’t lie.”

Government. Of. Discipline.

Old and New testament

Jesus , jes means we or yes, yes us…

Jesus= yes us, we the children of G. O. D.


Je: noun. : something (such as an appealing quality) that cannot be adequately described or expressed.


Wish: verb. :feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable; want something that cannot or probably will not happen.

The G.O.D didn’t stop after publishing books, they realized brick and mortar guaranteed profits, why stop at 25% from taxes when they can get another 10% in the baskets!

Money is the root of all evil but yet every bill states  “in G.O.D we trust” along with slave owner faces…

But yet the Washington Redskins was racist… they took their land and now their team, I’m not sure Commanders is any better… Commanders killed Indians… OFFENSIVE

Teachers taught Christopher Columbus was a hero not a murderer and ******.

****** is still doing damage, World War II is still going on look at all the SUPER HUMANS aka ****-heads… a special thanks to Japan, this recipe has been delightful.

“United We Stand, Divided We Fall” As 2 parties go to war breaking us apart in an effort to pick 1 leader…

Sin a result from forbidden bitten fruit, ironic how 90% of us have sin in our pockets…IPHONE

G.O.D has us paying monthly payments in order for us to be heard, recorded, tracked and followed.

When it gets really bad dilute the pain with a dozen cold cans of overpriced poison.

There’s a tax for everything you need, want and purchase… even our property and shelter…

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

don’t worry if you’re short this month just raise your debt ceiling… but yet the G.O.D has the real HollyWood spreading lies with the fake news  designed to divide us all into labelized categories.

Banks get robbed because banks are robbers, double digit interest rates hurt just as bad as bullets, 7 year terms feel like a life sentence…

At best you live 10 decades, why do we give a **** about the stuff that doesn’t really matter, time is the most valuable resource but we allowed them to confine us…

8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to work, 8 hours left of the day and all it really is “ Home, car, gas station, work, lunch, work, home and every single thing listed came with TAX!!! MoNoPoLy .
Pass go pay G.O.D $200

Done for now, to be continued…

Born to a non ****** Mother
A Father just wasn’t present
So no one to give me up
For the forgiveness of you
There was no manger
Just a backseat of a car
Nor any wise men
Just really abusive ones
But none of this means
I still can’t be a son of God

I was never nailed to a cross
Just physically hit a lot
Nor did I ever help the blind see
But I do try to create awareness
I’m not always willing to forgive
Everyone who wrongs me
But with time I do try hard
To make things right with them
But none of this means
I still can’t be a son of God

Amidst a life of exposed lies
The truth lay hid beneath
I prayed to be forever healed
Confused about having faith
The answers I tried to seek
Seemed like a hopeless wish
As my words fell on deaf ears
Or so I thought back then
But none of this means
I still can’t be a son of God

An Angel disguised as a lover
Captured my soul and demons
Teachings of love and values
Built with efforts of compassion
A connection like never before
I felt safe and secure with her
My first time experiencing that
But a pandemic hit our love
But none of this means
I still can’t be a son of God

Creating a void between us
My angel decided to move on
I laid weak, hurt and insecure
With no one at all to turn to
All alone drowning in my sorrow
Feeling like I had no one at all
To turn to or to lean on anymore
Fears of myself becoming toxic
But none of this means
I still can’t be a son of God

Our Heavenly Father
Has no prejudice nor type
For his blood was given
For that of our forgiveness
With no pre qualifications
For all, his hand will reach
If they seek for him to claim
All it requires is love and faith
Regardless your faults or sin
Your invited , He who takes all,

Your Heavenly Father

https://m.soundcloud.com/robert-grove-821180401/he-who-takes-all-mp3

Problems patiently wait,
Solutions constantly await.

We have options,
We have decisions. 

              K   in the   R
           R                      O
       O             ?               A
    F                                     D

If you need saved,
then why do you remain the victim?
If you need saved,
then why don’t you become a hero?

A whole life affected from only one decision,
A lifetime of patterns broken from only one decision, 
A whole life resurrected from only one decision.

One decision doesn’t need to fix every single problem, 
One decision doesn’t need to fix every bad habit,
One decision doesn’t need to fix every past flaw.

One decision can and will become addictive and lead to other ones…

One decision can and will provide strength and courage to ones mind…

One decision is all it takes to change your life!

We focus so much on the BIG PICTURE, Overwhelming!

We focus so much on trying to get results overnight, IMPATIENT!

We focus so much on everything and everyone else, DISTRACTED! 


Equal days and nights to combat the past time we have already spent in-order to overcome the Mental-Damage!

it’s not fun.



              K   in the   R
           R                      O
       O              ?              A
    F                                     D

                S   E    L   F
                    T       O
                  A            V
                 H   O    P    E

HOPE FOR THOSE THAT CHOOSE
SELF-LOVE

Within the brain
Amidst the pain
Frequencies fade
Signals lost

Within the heart
Amidst the pain
Messages fade
Signals caught

Between the two
Amidst the pain
Thoughts fade
Signals gone

Within the soul
Amidst the pain
Decisions fade
Signals torn

Within my life
Amidst my pain
Life fades
Signals ignored

Lost between three
Past, present and future
Stuck in the middle
forever between the two

Trauma, trauma, trauma
Self defense mechanisms
Insecurities and flaws
Mental disadvantages

To put in simple terms
Feelings form into words
Confusion the product
The solution yet to be discovered

“I keep looking”

At 30 years of age
I still remain chained
To a childhood
Black Plague
Looking back now
I see all the mistakes
I feel sickened by the acts
I cannot believe I missed
THE OBVIOUS
But it wasn’t me
AMIDST the PATTERNS
High-school dropout
Teenage pregnancy
16 year old dad
EMANCIPATED
runaway
Paternity established
GED obtained
Working 2 jobs
to provide for them
My girlfriend and son
She left me
We separated
She cheated while I worked
I guess it’s boring
being home alone all day
Custody battle
We share joint custody
no child support order
WE ARE EQUALS
Co-parenting now
for going on 14 years
A failed marriage of 7 years
I went through
and when she left me
I went off the deep-end
GONE
I MOVED TO VERMONT
after working a sale there
I lost all communication
with all my loved ones
4 months of this
living astray
out of a suitcase
working non-stop
I crossed paths
with my last love
We locked eyes
and they never separated
I moved in with her
and together we
helped each other
My son Nick
came to live with us
She made me
a better man
she gave me
PURPOSE
She fought me
tooth and nail
For she knew
I needed to prevail
From past pain
from a current brain
from a heart crushed
from loved ones hurt
She fought me
but no-matter what
I REFUSED to
OPEN-UP
Until it was
TO LATE
Nick goes back
to be with his mom
in Indiana
I stay back to
figure things out
I move out
We try to
work things out
Failed attempt
after failed attempt
We finally gave-up
Amidst Covid
with no job
I go crazy
within
MY THOUGHTS
Her words
replay in
the back of my
MIND
GET HELP
Im drinking heavy
to drown the pain
afraid of possibly
a necessary CHANGE
REQUIRED ?
I fall back to
an old acquaintance
I remember my previous
HEARTBREAK
POEMS ON A WEBSITE
From 2014
now it’s 2020
I reset my password
and make a new login
COSMOFUNNEL
I start identifying
my past troubles
dissecting them
inside and out
Writing every scenario
I can remember
day in and night out
NONSTOP
THE THOUGHTS KEEP
COMING
MY MIND FEELING  REFRESHED
With each escaped memory that was trapped
From the time I wake up until I go to bed , I am drinking and writing poetry from my childhood past
My identity then
REBORN-ROB
freestyles, narratives, tragedies, romance and every other style you can think of
All wrote in blood from a kid trapped within my skin
I even started to freestyle RAPS
knowing through my journey I learned one thing and that is to just let your mind release things freely without attempting to dilute the feelings or emotions and afterwards listen or read back and you will
LEARN SOMETHING
ABOUT YOURSELF
Everyday I felt a change taking place , clearing space amidst my mind
My brain retraining itself to not be such a bad guy
My heart starting to desire change from hidden bitterness to calls of forgiveness wanting to be ANSWERED
THEN .... came a dream
MY GRANDFATHER YELLING AT ME ....GO HOME !

Off to Indiana I go , against my wishes as I’m now forced to face the culprits that created
THIS VICTIM
But to be close to my son
it MADE SENSE as I want to be for him THE SUPPORT I
never had in an EFFORT
TO BREAK THE PATTERNS
FOR THE FUTURE
GENERATIONS
AND NOT JUST ME
therapy sessions now along with poetry still , music still being made , exercises still being played , SUPPORT IS
STRONG
But now it’s
TIME TO MOVE ON
RIP REBORN-ROB
He was just a character made up to help ACCEPT the bad
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
In an effort to heal from
the pain I was a victim to
for many years without
knowing although showing
THE CONSTANT SYMPTOMS
     So I deleted the profile along with all 450 poems ! They are no longer serving a PURPOSE they have achieved their goal
by helping a trapped boy inside a MAN LET GO AND GROW
now it’s time for other traumas , habits and vices
That’s where Shallow Waters
came into play
Shallow meaning I’m able to stand , I feel it’s possible unlike before when I was in the
DEEP-END
So yes my name is Rob
technically
Robert James Grove
but that’s the end result
as that’s who I will be
WHEN I HEAL
FROM THE FLAWS
I WAS GAVE , and I WILL
but until then
I REMAIN
IN SHALLOW WATERS

Drowning
in past sorrows

Head
barely above waters

Struggling
just to survive

Fearing
for my life

Body
becoming more weak

Energy
depleting very quickly

Why?
I ask myself

Viewing
the light above

Bright
like the sun

But
it isn’t it

Rather
the bathroom light

Broken
and very insecure

Fears
create false situations

Imagination
runs with it

Caged
Within our heads

I grasp for my last breath
as I look down and the reflection of a chrome plug catches my eyes

I am in control and I do get to decide , as I pull the plug and the water slowly pours out from the drain

But wait , this isn’t the tub nor am I in the bathroom, quickly I realize I’m in the ocean and it was a piece of jewelry that caught my eye

I’m totally submerged under the water and the sun is beating down as the rays create lines pointing up like an arm reaching for me , calling my name ....

I go to kick my feet to swim to the surface, the sand crashes between my toes and consumes my heels as I feel so confused my legs extend up and I stand

I’m in shallow waters and I realize it’s just another panic attack  as I take a couple deep breaths , my mom calls from the shore “ son are you alright “ I pour out in tears crying uncontrollably

Yes  mom , I’ll be fine

...K
   N
HOW
   W

KNOW
        H
        Y

    K
    NOW
    O
    W

KNOW
N
O
­W
L
E
D
G
E
           A
KNOWLEDGE
           L
           O
           WEALTH
           S          E
                       AND
                        L
                       IT
                        HEALS
                                ­  T
                                  U
                         ­         D
                                  YOURSELF

Birthed a victim,
raised a suspect.

Trauma,trauma,trauma

To their hands,
from their hands.

Pain,pain,pain

Heartbreak inevitable,
heartbreak forever.

Hate,hate,hate

Mentally, physically,
physically, emotionally.

Abuse,abuse,abuse

Self defense mechanisms,
self sabotage mental illness.

Aware,aware,aware

Life is patterns,
patterns are life.

Broken,broken,broken

Safety required to grow,
safe environment necessary also.

Grow,grow,grow

People make mistakes,
God made people.

Forgive,forgive,forgive

If not yourself,
no one else you can.

You,you,you

If you cannot,
don’t feel bad.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE,
alone I remain.

Me,me,me

For some pain cannot be overcame,
for some pain like mine.

Tough,tough,tough

It’s not my fault,
fault I cannot change.

Past,past,past

Pain,pain,pain

Tough,tough,tough

Me,me­,me

You,you,you?

Aware,aware,aware

Trauma,trauma.trauma

Hate,­hate,hate

Abuse,abuse,abuse

Broken,broken,broken

Forgive,forgi­ve,forgive

Grow,grow,grow!

YOU’RE NOT ALONE,
nor am I!


Same words, different order, new pattern, new love
BREAK PATTERNS

I don’t have to keep what I was given,
my inheritance was all trauma.

Hereditary flaws the cause for poor choices and decisions.

Not one healthy leaf on the entire family tree, I had to branch off.

Free finally gaining the courage to flee, I couldn’t save them all.

I saved myself, I had to cut all ties in order to fix my life.

It’s not their fault, since grandpa left the whole family fell apart.

He was the glue keeping the house of cards from falling.

It’s crazy how one person can have so much wisdom and power.

Resentment arrived the day he died and made it clear it was never going to leave.

Every scar has a loved one’s name, blood hits harder than water.

Lost sons and daughters, cousins incarcerated from the patterns.

Being a good uncle or aunt doesn’t make you a good parent, I know.

Ever since that day I gained the courage to step away…

MY LIFE KEEPS GETTING BETTER!  
One chainsaw, one big bad tree filled with generational pain, one emancipated teen who desired something better…TIMBER.

They all had to be dead to me in order for me to live!

Canvass
        /||\
      brush
      hand
     ARMS
eyes    eyes
                                        ART
eyes   eyes
    ARMS
    hands
    brush
      \||||/
   Damage

Canvass
        /||\
      brush
      hand
     ARMS
eyes    eyes
CONTROL
                                        LIFE
eyes   eyes
    ARMS
    hands
    brush
      \||||/
   Damage
REGAIN

Death has knocked on my door many times, so often we actually became quite good friends.

And although we haven’t met in quite some time, our last visit Death made it very clear.

“It won’t be me that takes your life, but that decision will be yours.”

Death has knocked on my door many times, so often we actually became quite good friends.

And although we haven’t met in quite some time, our last visit I heard Death’s advice crystal clear.