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I am jealous of buttons
It angers me how they are always perfectly placed in one spot
Like they know where their meant to be
They don't have to spend time frightened of where they'll end up
Because they are just put in a special spot
A spot that's just for them
When here I am wondering where I'll end up
Not knowing if I'll be loved or hated
Not knowing if I'll be where I'm supposed to be
Not knowing if I'll be happy there
Society says

Don't cry;
That's weak

Don't talk about pain
That's selfish

Don't be smart
That's nerdy

Don't talk much
That's annoying

Don't be yourself
That's stupid
At least in my case
December scars
Are the reflection of my soul
Forever reminding of the alcohol I drank
And drugs he slipped in
I slept peacefully until morning
And then cried and shouted
Only to receive more bruises
I thought drinking would help me get over my first love
But I was unaware being taken advantage of for the third time was included
But I'll force myself to forget
Because I do not want a reason to be angry with God
Once upon a time
I fell into a dark place
Before anyone would teach me to fly
They thought it would be pointless
A girl like me is destined to be lonely
My heart and soul is fractured
My mind is it's own person
Always taking control of it's thoughts
Being careless of my feelings
Not knowing it's thoughts effect my weakening soul
I'll never forget how each night I lay awake
As my mind forcing me to see myself trapped
Trapped with in a dark forest
I can feel the vines wrap around my body pulling me
It pulls my soul into nothing
And when I scream
No one comes
Because no one cares
My mind is it's own person
And reminds me each night
That I am alone
And in that moment my heart knows
To always be shielded
And in that moment I smile
Because even though I'm sad
I know that I'm protected
I've let my heart get torn
My soul get drowned
But I still always kept hope in finding happiness
Guess I'm not completely broken
But I'm still broken
When I lived on Venice Beach
my nickname was “Smiley”
because I smiled at everyone

When I lived in Luxembourg
I was not understood
because I smiled at everyone

When I was a child
my mother made a game of smiling
and when she saw someone unhappy
on the street or in their car
she would smile at them
until they finally smiled back
and only rarely did her efforts fail

I have been considered shallow
by those who never knew me
because I smile at everyone

but those people have no clue
how much inner strength
those smiles represent
Written 20150628 in response to the excellent poem, "Broken Shadow," by Rare But Relevant:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1244771/broken-shadow/

Thanks for the inspiration!
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