Today, I had more calories
in my beer,
than in my meals...

But who’s counting, right?
(me)

I yearn for the days
of me sighing at the spider
way up on the ceiling,
and you commending his skill.

“Look how high he got!” you’d say,
big old grin on your face, soft hair in my hands,
with kind eyes locked on the spiders’ hair
that dangled boldly from the ceiling.  

We’d play a game.
Armed with cup and blank paper,
evenly matched—
in the race to catch the beast.

I’d watch you win each race.
The satisfying sound of the cup slapping drywall,
it still rings in my ears.
How tenderly you’d speak goodbyes on our porch.

Where the hell is my goodbye.

The only requirement to be loved in this world
Is to exist.
When a baby is hungry,
Or crying,
Or needs love,
We give them all we can.
They exist.
That's all we ask.
So today, when my stomach growls,
Today, when my heart hurts,
Today, when I need to be held,
I will not look at the tally
On my never ending score card,
And see what I deserve,
Instead,
I will give myself all that I can.
Because I exist.

hope for an accident
hope for injury
not so that you
feel something
a stale trope
you already feel too much
no
hope for
marginal catastrophe
hope for
the ability to point
to that one thing
external
and say that is why

Yesterday,
I stole your drink.

At least now you can hate me
stone-cold sober.

I lost my notebook the other day
It didn’t quite look like something
I had made.
It looked too pristine, too manicured.
I wrote on its pages with all my heart,
I could have no way of knowing it wasn’t messy enough.

It had a grey cover.
My last name written on the inside.
It wasn’t exactly filled yet…
But the words inside tumbled out like
I’d never intended them to.

It’s long gone.
Probably left in my classroom…
Maybe on the floor of my car.
Who knows!
I don’t quite have the energy to look right now.
Not enough energy until it’s too late to look.

I spent six dollars on it.
Down at the local craft store.
Its’ cover design fades from white to black,
Very different from the contrast of my pen.
I only ever used black ink.
Maybe it’s because, that’s what color pen was closest.

I lost my notebook the other day.
Hopefully someone will find it.
I guess they’ll probably read my name on the cover,
God help me if they read anything but my name.
They might think
I’m sad.
I guess they’d be right.