I ******* upset again
I need to keep my problems to myself
Maybe then, you wont feel like it's all about me..
My heart hurts knowing how selfish I've been
I'm sorry...
Will holding everything in help you?
I hate being dramatic, but i can't keep hurting you over and over
Please forgive my selfishness..
You're not the one in the wrong
I can promise you that
This isn't about me but about how you need me
I love you dearly
So never think that I don't

My chest hurts so much
All I want to do is scream and to bleed
How much longer do I have to feel like this?
Why do I have to suffer?
It suffocates me
It makes me think things I wish I didn't
It makes me feel things I can't physically and mentally handle
It hurts
Make it stop...
Please just make it stop.

I can't see.
I can't hear.
I can't smell.
All I can do is taste and feel.
Help me.
Guide me to the light so I can see.
Bring me to a crowded place so I can hear.
Spray perfume around me so I can smell.
But all I can really do is taste and feel.
Wait!
Wait...
I don't need to see.
I don't need to hear.
I don't need to smell.
I'll be fine with what I have.
This way...
I can taste your scent much more.
This way...
I can feel your presence much more.
Just like this.
My life can stay how it is.
With you.
Your scent.
And your touch.
I don't need anything else...

Thank you.

Your aura is that of mixed emotions.
The pain in your eyes are visible.
You shove it back behind closed doors and lock them tight.
Why do you let yourself suffer alone?
Share with me.
I'm here to listen.
I want to shoulder what you shoulder.
Come.
My arms are open.
My mind is clear.
I will bring you warmth.
My mind is open for you to fill.
Take the offer.
No rush.
Unless you go to him then fine.
I understand.
My arms will still be open.
My mind will still be clear.
If I have to I'll wait for the rest of my life here for you.
Don't let your demons win the battle that's inside your head.
You can win.
By yourself maybe not for long.
But you're not alone.
I'm here.
Forever.
Always.
With open arms.

Is it wrong to "be in love" with someone who is taken?
For me it's a sin.
Why does my heart always have to search?
It's tiring.
Doesn't my heart ever stop?
My body won't be able to keep up for much longer...
Will I be strong enough for what my heart is about to endure?
It'll have to go through hell.
Will you be there to pick me up when I fall?
No. You'll be far away with a family of your own.
Please dont leave.
I need you.
Where are you?
Why aren't you here?
My heart yearns for your love.
My body yearns for your touch.
My mind yearns for peace...
There it goes... the peace.
Don't go!
Come back.
Please...
All of me calls out for it.
For you.
My soul cries...
It wants its mate.
Maybe your soul is the one?
My souls soulmate...

Ah music.
If it weren't for you I'd have gone crazy.
So many songs.
So many to choose from.
But only one certain one helps me.
I've always wondered what it was like to create a song based off of how I felt.
Honestly I would be terrified if the things going on inside my mind were turned into music.
I must not let people know what I think.
I'm scared.
Will the music save me?
No.
It'll let me down.
Like everyone else.
They try to help me but they can't.
I'm too far gone.
Their hands aren't able to reach me.
All I can do is float in this void and hope that one day someone will reach out and rescue me.
How much time has gone by?
I'm not for sure.
It feels like forever when it's been minutes.
Come to me my light...
Vanquish this darkness surrounding me.
Warm my cold soul.
Help me feel again.
Bring me the music of peace.

No matter how crowded or busy it was you always stuck out.
When we first met I didn't think much of you.
All of these years I was blind to this feeling called love.
I'm in love?
How do I know if I'm really feeling this way?
I feel happy when you're near.
My chest and heart feels heavy when we are apart.
I look forward to your texts.
Jealousy rises when you are with your lover or someone else.
Is this what it is like?
Does being in love confuse you to no end?
All I feel when I'm with you is happy and confused emotions.
Anger.
This all too familiar emotion.
I know its wrong...
You fill my mind 24/7.
Why are you doing this to me?
You dont even realize what you are doing...
This is how it should be.
I'm forever lost in the darkness of my own heart and mind.
You are the only one that can save me...
But unfortunately you dont have the key to my locked self.
Its locked away with me.
Please.
Unlock the door.
Release me from my shackles of pain and jealousy.
How much more can I mentally and emotionally take?
Not much more...
Is it alright if I lose this fight?
We don't always win.
My heart is ****** to wonder the deepest parts of hell.
Where am I?
It's dark and cold...
Oh right.
Hell.
My own personal hell.
It's not that of what others see it as.
My eyes see nothing but negative emotions.
All from my own heart.
When I try to think of you I think of him with you.
I'm ******.
Upset.
Alone.
These shackles grow heavier the more you get closer with him.
Your love is like sacred water to me.
My greediness is thick when it comes to you.
I'm sorry...
Why does it have to be him?
I wish you would break it off.
Choose me instead.
These are my sinful thoughts.
But as long as you're happy...
That's all I can ask for.
No...
Not again...
My blood pooling the floor fills my thoughts.
What do I do?
Listen to my demons like I always do? Or the nonexistent angel on my shoulder?
That's right...
God most likely gave up on me.
All I have anymore are my demons in my head and heart.
Ouch.
The blade I want to use is gone...
Now what?
I want to be released from my prison.
When?
How much longer?
Will I ever escape?
No.
I'm meant to be caged like a wild animal.
My lungs keep getting filled with poison.
All I want to do is let it take my life...
Would you care?
Or would my death mean nothing to you?
I can't breathe.
What is that?
Is that you?
My light...
Or is it my false hope?
More than likely.
Hey dont worry.
I'll be okay.
All I have to do is hide everything behind a smile and act like nothing is wrong.
So please look the other way and forget about me.
I don't need help.
I don't need anyone.
I don't need your love...
small smile lies...
But that's for me to know and for you to ignore.
Ah the numbness is slowly coming back.
Welcome home old friend.
Make yourself comfortable.