I no longer relapse
I binge & I can’t stop.
I’ve lost control,
Not all but some .
I’ve binged 9 Times.
Since August 2017.
3-4 Clean gap in between.
Then I fall back.
When withdrawals leave.
When I’ve catched up on sleep.
Consumed Nutrients & protein .
My mind & body then Start up.
To crave & fein.

After every Fall
Somethings change.
My minds begun to go insane.

I no longer slip
Get back up quick.
I no longer relapse
Able to get back on track.
I Used to feel scared
I wouldn’t really dare.
I used to see sunlight
Now I don’t see any shine..
Sobriety Means so much to me.
It meant, It no longer Does.
Recovering Is Important.
It was, I no longer See that .
A life without drugs is
what i want.
That life is far from being visible.
I’m motivated to change.
To overcome all of this .
I’m unmotivated now
Following tons of depression.
I’ve been battling this war
For ohh soo long.
I was Close to Victory.
Few feet away from Being set free.
few inches From feeling truly committed to end this disease.

I was close , now I’m far.
I was Miles Away
Now I’m Seconds from going back to my old ways .

Downer


Grab me quickly before we fall,
I want to take you down with me.
I hate you and your version of love,
So you must share my agony.


I am on the ground because this is where you have put me;
Six feet under is where I am going soon.
You have burst open my rib-cage and driven me to insanity;
My heart is in your teeth now, you feast and I live in the gloom.


Kurt is talking, I am falling,
She is crawling and the angels are calling.
I am an eruption of feelings and a dead man walking;
You bring me down and my melancholy is my everything.


Pick me up out of the mud honey,
I am wasting away without you to care.
I am crying in my puddle of shame and you think this is funny?
I need you; I can’t live without you.  Why so much despair!?


Hang me out to dry with the corpses,
I have nothing left to fear.
I have apathy for love and apathy for horses;
I hate everything you love, including me and why are you still here?


The rain continues to pour from every cloud
And hides the sunshine from this clown.
I look up at you from this downer I am under
And you can no longer stand to pick me up when I am down.


Tears don’t heal you; they only leave you feeling blue.
We used to have everything we could ever have needed
And now we are through?
The sun has exploded in front of my eyes
And I didn’t notice because I was crying.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

being held in your arms gives me
security
being held in your arms brings me
hope
being held in your arms makes me
flustered
being held in your arms means
to lose everything
being held in your arms is
rebelling
being held in your arms has
to be fate

...

when i am not held in you arms.
i bring doubt.
i lose purpose.
i create insanity.
i long for desire.
i mean nothing