Look at me
My skin
Has dealt with a lot


                         I have lived through
                         Tumors and attacks
                         Cuts and bruises from me
                         Bruises from him


My poor skin
In the end
This damage is
All for naught
Because


                            *"Scars are only **** on guys..."

i didn't know you
but i think about you everyday

you were a friend of a boy whose brother i knew
and that's where i got the news
that you hung yourself when the pressure rose
your neck purple, the ground an inch too far from your toes
the ****** education system that got to your head
the grades and the scores and the race making you wish you were dead
you couldn't handle the look on your mom's face
"mom, i came second, not first, today"
you loved her, you loved your dad too
you loved your guitar, your band, the girl whose eyes were a million shades of blue
but the waves rose and you couldn't keep up
maybe it was just ill-fate or bad luck
you were just another fish swimming for dear life
but you were shoved away by the rough unforgiving tides
drowning, slowly, then all at once,
you went from being top of your class to being called a dunce
the disappointment and the rage and the wrinkles of stress on your mother's skin
made that sadness grow deeper and deeper within
until one day you realized it was better to give in

and so you climbed up that chair
pushed it away with your feet
kissed a picture of her
and listened to the last of your heart beat
hanging in the air
you whispered goodbye
"mother, i tried, i really did try"
and the wind left your lungs
the blood stopped in your veins
you dived away from reality
swimming into a new kind of pain

i think of you often
the friend of a boy whose brother i knew
i think of you often
because i can relate to you

its getting harder
the pressure, the stress
nothing is enough
not even my best
i think of joining you
in that darkness of bliss
looking at the world around me
there won't be much to miss
this rat race of doom running after a life of success
for me, it's just no longer worth it
so call me a coward or say i lost
but maybe death will give me what i want most
an escape from always having to win
an escape from the emptiness eating me from within

i think of you often
and i would like to know
are you happier now?
away from woe?

if you were here
would you advise me to stay?
or would you tell me to climb
that same chair, with the same belt, in the same room, at same same hour
in the exact
*same
way.

I ******* love you
There, I finally admitted it
And you were to clouded this entire time to realize it
You were always so worried I'd be angry at you
For the things you've done to me
But I ******* love you
The thought of not having you
Never mind being alone
The thought of not having you
Makes me feel something very deep down inside
Something I haven't felt in a very long time
Fear
I'm so ******* afraid that now that I love you
You will shatter my heart
Today is Febuarary 22nd
And wether it's today, or a lifetime from now
You will end up killing me
And I'm sorry I ever trusted you with the one thing
I could ever trust someone with

I was born a king
And became a pauper
I'm high again
Second time I remember
(First time never count do they?)
My roommate needs to shut up
There was something
I wanted to say
A word I forgot
A dull screaming telling me
Commanding me
To burn in hell
Like the fat **** I am

I have one thing I'd like to write
Something filled with such sweet words
A memorial to my one last ditch effort
That the old men would shake their heads and think
This really isn't something to talk about in good company
Something I wanted to say
Why does my right side always hurt when I'm high
Why does my right side hurt more now
My head is too heavy
And my eyelids feel the sand drawn to them

Self

Keep on swiping right
On tinder tonight
You sad sack of ****
Something about
This not being about you
You sad sack of ****
Why do people always lie
In ways that people don't want to see

That's the difference between you and me
I will see what you don't
Not for lack of trying not to
But some of us where just meant
To be alone
least till sunrise
My lady of the mind
From the spaces inbetween the mirrors
Goodnight, my love
The smog covered the starts tonight
Goodnight

There's something about **** cheap beer
The kind that makes you want to throw up
As it rushes down your throat
As the half drunken *******
Dance in front of you
Making a fool of themselves
And this place they call home
There's something in the way they move
Like too many fallen stars
Reminds me of home
Somewhere I haven't been in a long time
There's and empty seat next to me
Old and new people come and go
And we have nice little conversations
That remind us of who we are
As the new bottle opens
And a new person appears
I feel a little bit more alive

Drinking doesn't usually cause dreams
But last night I couldn't wake up
And the dreams are still so crisp to me
That girl walking along the lake
With her nice little canon
We had a nice talk
About how hard it was
To capture the lakes beauty
I remember the bridge
And my hat flew off
And in the water were my friends
Old and new
All waving at me to join
I remember being thirsty
So thirsty
I couldn't stop drinking water
I was drowning in my dehydration
And when I woke up
I went and got a cup of water
And felt a little bit more alright