as the waves crash in
caressing my sin
with the clever words
to make me sleep
live with this secret
the shores make me keep
the rivers wash me clean
only to keep me here
rinsing my lies
from me
just to keep me here
the waters speak
with cold intentions
so I stay careful
not to slip a word
water slips beneath
to carry me away
into a sea of lies

it's intriguing and black and
empty, but so full
you must see what's down
it's so hard to stay
away from the drain and sometimes
you don't even know what pulled
the plug
but your foot touches the hole and you just
sort of cry because
here we are
again
I thought we were past this
and it's all a Jenga
puzzle
over and ******* over again it
never ends, there is
no peace

she was quiet
and always kept to herself
her face was soft
and her smile was innocent

although she's shy
don't mistake her for naive
because behind that smile
was a snarky smirk  
and if you looked in her eyes
you could see the sharp disinterest

You wonder when you will stop bleeding.**
On the night of the accident, there was so much blood loss that they didn't think you'd make it.
You still wonder how you made it.
You haven't bled like that since and the wounds have scarred over but
whenever you drive past where it happened,
whenever you see an icy patch, or a blue Honda,
the scar tears a bit.
You've tried to avoid those things, but you can't forever.
And so you wonder when the scar will fully heal.
You wonder when you will stop bleeding.

Love is not the way your father slams doors,
or the way your mother stays locked behind them at night.
Love is not the way your brother loses his temper,
or the alcohol disintegrating your grandfather's brain.
Despite what you have been raised to believe,
love is not waking up alone on Christmas morning,
or the hand that hit you wiping away your tears.
Love is not the screams of rage on Saturday night
and the singing of hymns on Sunday morning.
Love is not leaving a light on for someone who’s never coming home,
and love is not the empty trust fund with your name written on it.
Love is not the pain you grew up in.
Love is not the pain you grew up in.