All he needed
was safe harbor
a place that would always
be there
when he came back
no matter the storms
no matter how broken his ship,
how torn his sails,
it would be there.
Giving him the strength
and security
he needed
to be able to leave
again.

And you knew
that it made my insides spill
when you'd do what you do
when you're lonely.
You knew it made me feel
like I was on fire,
mouth sewn shut.
You knew,
but your satisfaction
takes priority
over my security.
But I knew
that no one really cared
all along
anyway.

She's a ride or die
while her bills are paid by
the man she is with
she wants the grocery list
and the nights out, covered
by his monthly check
or better yet
she doesnt even know
how he manages to get by,
to provide
for her lifestyle.
Its been a while
since he did anything for himself
because
her happiness is the only issue
she'll take off the shelf
and if he isnt happy its his fault
just for trusting
in her presence,
her support,
her unconditional love of him
thats only there
when he can still give her something
and even if he can't
she'll take it
through the system.
When he's kicked out
she wont miss him
but his money,
its her security
and without it
he's worth nothing.

The hunger,
control,
focus.
The discipline,
illusion
of ground gained.
Pain
turned
numb.
Starving,
violent
retaliation.