I will carry this
I will carry it for you
and you
and you
and you.
Pile it on
and when you're gone
I'll  carry it for you
I'll  be here holding on
holding out
for you
and you
and you
and you.
It is heavy
and I may break
but won't ever stop
bearing  this weight.

I'll never be him
I'm not sorry, I wont.
And I am the only one
whom I'll let make me feel
that I am not enough
And I am never
enough

Locked up inside
deep in my mind.
They're out having fun,
I'm here feeling dumb,
Ive been going numb,
plan on dying young,
leaving life behind.
The sun is setting
my chance is gone
my turn is passed
my demons won.

"Are you ok?"
Darling I'm not even here.
I am reliving every word
every look
every image
every moment
that broke me.
And its against my will
that I **** your highs
with my lows
everytime I feel it
creeping in.
I keep letting it win
so I can feel
but this wont heal.

And I've been thinking
about how it used to be
the up and down
the mania
and depression
numbly crawling
through the days
numbly drinking
to drown the memories
and burying my instability
in the graveyard
and
never standing still
and
never enough,
undeserving of love.

We are the lucky ones.
We figured it out,
cracked the code.
Birds of a feather,
fated souls.
And I could drown
deep in those eyes.
This beautiful woman
makes me feel alive
makes me feel awake,
with a mind thats at peace,
with the world,
with this girl,
I am finally at ease.
And it makes no sense,
at least not to me,
what'd I do to deserve
to be so lucky.

Black coffee, cigarettes,
abandoned buildings, old carpet,
autumn days by the river,
winter nights downtown,
shivers.
Nutmeg, and cardamom,
burning leaves, noses numb.
Old leather, aged books,
open fields, horses hooves,
apple orchards, and birthday candles.
I miss all of it.