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Why do i feel so alone?
Why does it feel like nobody cares?
They say they do, but they don't act like it.
They don't show it.
I want to feel loved.
I want to be important to someone.
I want to be able to love someone
without getting hurt.
Not physically hurt.
Much worse.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
I have more scars than there are to be seen.
Not all of them are visible
Not all of them are touchable.
Not all of them can be healed.
But each of them are on the inside.
Each one is different than the next.
Some deeper than others.
Each one tears me up inside.
I cry for relief.
I cry for the pain to go away.
I cry to be loved,
wanted,
appreciated.
I cry alone.
No one can hear me.
I cry inside.
I cry by myself,
to myself,
inside.
No one sees it,
I hide it well.
My smile is not real.
It's my camouflage.
They see me as fine.
That's how I want it to be.
But in truth:
im not
I never was.
Never will I be
No one can help me.
I'm too far gone.
There's no fixing this.
There's no fixing me.
Not now.
Not ever.
They broke me.
Not my heart.
Not my brain.
Me.
All that I am.
All that I was.
I'm gone.
I'm not me anymore.
I'm what's left of what I was.
My heart,
my mind,
my body.
Nothing is the same.
I've changed.
I can see that I have.
They can't.
No one can.
I hide it.
I hide it with my emotions,
my mentality,
my,
happiness.
My feelings,
all gone.
I'm empty.
There's nothing left of me now.
No hope,
No love,
No pain.
 Dec 2017 Nico Julleza
She Writes
Is this a test
To see how much I’ll take?
Are you pushing me to see
What will finally make me break?

Seeing if you can pass
The point of no return.
Tear down my walls
Then let our bridges burn.

Are you scared
Because I got too close?
Worried that you would
Inspire more prose?

Or are you just a self-serving ****
Who had you’re fill?
Now tossing me aside
At your will.

I’m over it, I’m done.
You broke me.
Is this what you wanted?
What you hoped to see?

..... obviously.
 Dec 2017 Nico Julleza
RN
Godly
 Dec 2017 Nico Julleza
RN
God is always above us all
Nurturing our heart and soul
Help us when we do fall
Gave us the greatest gift of all

I know it happened for a reason
Maybe its part of His decision
Maybe He gives you to me as my mission
Challenge accepted, will finish this soon

You’re religious, so am I
This is what i feel, i can’t lie
C’mon baby, lets fly so high
God will guide us, He owns the sky
love with god
 Dec 2017 Nico Julleza
Jessica
One bullet.
Two bullet.
Three.
Each one stabbing at me.
My legs scarping against the floor as I walk,
my arms droop like a puppet that lost its strings,
but you know what,
this creature in human form,
that's come to my school,
trying to ****** children so small, who haven't lived at all.
Who punched me so hard, I flew backwards what felt like 20 feet,
and who laughed in my face, as I fell beneath.

But it does not matter,
even though it should,
as my body scraped against hard wood.
All my body raged with pain,
but I stood up anyway,
because all the sorrow and bullying I have endured,
its wrong to let this creature rule.

So I stand, my body wilted and crinkled, under the weight of my wounds that have been sprinkled.
I cannot give up, I will not.
I started the sombre walk,
hearing
Pop
Pop
Pop

And just as I reached his gainly figure,
I quivered,
the flicker of my soul, starting to waver in the face of danger.
But I ignored it,
because of the other more brighter flickers of new lives.
So instead of blowing my candle,
I looked right into the eyes of the devil.
I hope you enjoyed this strange poem about standing up for other people, even if you are in pain and your life will disintegrate. Inspiration from anime. ;)
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