It's not gonna last forever
I can't seem to decide if it fills me with delight or terror
Do I long for a sickness to shorten the days I've left to live?
An excuse so I'm not at fault and there's nothing to forgive?

It's not gonna last forever
I could cry for days on end
Not because I bleed and hurt
But because I'm so sick to pretend
That I don't

You loved to have the artsy girl
As if I were a statue to twirl
'These are her paintings and she reads so **** much'
I remember how your praise made me shy away and blush

I remember you saying I grew kind of lame
Looking for a reason I'd rather stay home and finding only my books to blame
But books were not only to fill a void the most beloved on my list of things to enjoy
And I'd rather be addicted to pages where lovers and enemies coexisted
Than watch you cancel out the darkness with any random kind of liquid

And I'd rather be the paper girl
Than to down yet another drink that in my hand I swirl
Losing its sparkle just as fast as I lose my mind
I wish I'd stayed home and simply read through the night

I am jealous
And contagious
And sometimes anger
Gets the best of me
I ruin things
Outgrow my friends
I ask myself
Too many questions
Doubt crawls along my side
Got drawers where my demons hide
And enough of them