My head on a bony shoulder
All joints and points and edges,
I'm only half interested in the way this feels
The mind is even fresher, I can smell what you're thinking
It smells like meat
Like boy, like fire, like chimney, like ***** music, censorship, like man.

Still, as I look up at you
I can only taste the trampoline my heart bounces on
Babe, what is flying when you are a child?
They tell me falling is even worse.
These days, I wear my running shoes when I stand in love
Did you know that, bony shoulder boy?

I suppose you'd never ask.
Too busy paving highways in your mind, silly boy
I've made my way through gravel, still embedded in each hand - see?
A brain with pathways and sidewalks is too glamorous for me
See your arms gloved in tar
See the sweat of knowledge piling pillars
Who can touch you without something sticking?
Tongue to the trampoline type friction
Who can understand you, boy? Highways crossing over like veins
You are all the trains I'm running late for.
I wish I could ask you where you would go
if I was going there with you.

You've made it clear you love travelers
And I've made it clear I love bony shoulders and boys in flames
We are neither of all these things.
Like we are of water but not of rain
I've got my running shoes on, and you've got your mechanics outstretched.
Look down at me again, like you did when I asked you if this was okay.

At the end of autumn
When all the leaves have fallen
Turning the trees into twisted pillars and columns
And the ground looks sick and rotten
All I feel is melancholy and solemn
As I wonder if this winter I will be buried and forgotten
Or if this spring I will blossom

There's magic
Between discomfort and perfection
That moment you have faked it
Perfect charismatic facade
Chatter
Feeling
Smiles
Questions
Jokes
Oh, the constant conversation
Parties
Church
School
Work
Family
Pretending in its purest from
There is a formula for people
And I have found it
Charming it's called
Hell it feels
And beautiful they say
I'm dying
I want to be alone
Don't touch me
Hugs feel like bad compliments in the dark
And talking for hours makes my face hurt
Oh, people
Why do we do this?
Social beings
Barely being social
That's my game
There's my Magic
It's a lie

Tonight I talked with God
It had been quite some time

I really wasn't sure why
Then I realized the talks ended
When I began imagining my own end
Because why acknowledge the creator
If I thought his work was ****
I refused to commit  

I refused to talk to a God
That might hear my prayer
Something shallow
While souls are extinguished
Wars are waged on innocents
And their prayers sure as hell
Weren't heard

But Tonight I talked with God
I'd given up on waiting
On place-holder euphemisms
"God isn't surprised"
"This happened for a reason"
"You just need to pray more"
"God shuts a door...
"He'll open a window"
**** your window
The only reason that window exists
Is so people like me can jump
Right out of your life

Tonight I talked with God
I yelled
I screamed
I cried
And asked for reasons why
I said it was okay to be alone
If he would just get off his throne
Every once in a while
And meet me in this ******* pile
Of suffering that I find myself in

And if I loved you Wednesday,
  Well, what is that to you?
I do not love you Thursday—
  So much is true.

And why you come complaining
  Is more than I can see.
I loved you Wednesday,—yes—but what
  Is that to me?