the hunger whispers
like an old friend.
you answer.

later,
kneeling,
throat raw,
you wonder—
is this all
i am?

relief
i don’t want to die,
i just want
the ache
to go away,
the heaviness
to lift,
the silence
to be kind.

i don’t want
to end it,
i just want
to feel
like i’m
breathing again.

i know this darkness.
it wraps around me
like an old sweater—
worn, frayed,
but familiar.

happiness knocks at my door
like a stranger with bright eyes,
offering sunlight,
offering warmth.

but sunlight burns.
and warmth fades.
and what if i can’t keep it?
what if it leaves
like everything else?

so i stay here,
in the shadows i’ve named home,
where sadness hums
a lullaby i’ve memorized.

because even pain
feels safer
than hope
that might shatter.

the loneliess has teeth
and it bears down on my heart
next my brain
the hum of the refrigerator is heavy
breaking any silence there was before

i don't turn on the lights anymore
i can pretend you're here when it's like this
dark.
alone.

i love you like the sun loves the moon—
too far apart
to share the same sky.

you wanted stillness,
a life with roots.
i wanted movement,
a life with wings.

we tried to meet
in the middle,
but love
couldn’t bridge
the distance.

so i let you go,
not because i stopped loving you,
but because staying
meant losing
ourselves.

some love shines forever,
but ours was the kind
that had to end
to set us free.

he spreads me open and carves me from the inside out with his fingers while telling me im pretty
i tell myself he cant see that im crying
its dark in his van anyways
time moved on
but i didnt
yet another boy tells me im pretty with the lights on and tears streaming
i think im just meant to be sad
why else would this compliment feel so hand crafted
like they picked my lowest times to tell me how beautiful my pain looks
why else would i be so pretty when i cry

i do not believe
in gods or devils,
but guilt whispers
their names to me
anyway.

a hymn of
you should have been better
plays in my chest,
and i hum along,
even though
i do not know the words.