I didn't come to the world
just to see its beauties
I was born to gain everything
I came here to do my duties.

I did not come here to destroy
I was born to make something special
I did not come here to cry
and not to make anyone want to cry
I was just born here to win everything.

There is no leisure time in this world
I came here to do something
and to delight in the outside
I was not born even to feel trapped
I came here to reach the equanimity
I did not come to be tortured
I was born to utilize to everyone.

I came to overcome the bind
I'm going to make a heaven here
This world is a beautiful flower
I'm just a bee, and I'll take out its honey.

I was like a book with blank pages
You could've written on me or left me on the dusty shelves
Instead, you tore out my pages,
dragged me mercilessly to the barren ground,
and ruthlessly burned me to my ashes
But little did you know
that a
        
           P
               H
                   O
                       E
                          N
                               I
                                   X
                            
                                             rises from its ashes.

I welcome psychotic breakdowns
Ugly crying
Violent arguments
And overwhelming bad news

Don’t worry
Each disturbing moment
Is just a chapter in my story
A short clip
In the kaleidoscope montage
That is my reality

Capture a heart wrenching moment
In three second bursts
And repeat
Until there's an hour of footage
So when it's done
Twenty years will have passed
From the first moment
To the last

In a futures world
I'll be better off
In a successful career
Traveling the world
Not famous enough to be recognized
But known enough to be quoted
For a line of my solemn life
To be an everyday phrase
Recounting my memories to strangers
Creating inspiration for the broken

Freeze frame.
And rewind.
Because this isn't my movie.

I'm in someone else's tale
No matter how tragic my back story is
I'll stay locked in
As a background character
A bully?
A victim?
A destroyer?
A teacher?
An enemy?
A friend?
Will they know I'm their co-star?
Will they make room for me on screen?
Will they even notice my presence?

I'll be forgotten
Lost in a sea of miniscule roles
So these disturbing moments
Won't be reduced to three seconds
And there'll be no Twenty years later flash forward
I'll be stuck in every second
Forever pushed to the sidelines
Forever questioning
If the next person I meet
Will be the main character
In this movie I'm trapped in

I write because I hate the sound of my voice
My mind sounds better
I can scream
I can yell
I can do the impossible
in my head
My words can be read louder than any spoken word
So just shut up and write
I write because I can't speak
My opinions are usually seen as
minuscule, unorthodox, and pointless
but when I write
I have meaning
I'm attempting to cultivate the perfect group of terms to move an audience I can't see
To show someone a thousand miles away from me that there not alone
I write to express myself
I write to allow my emotions to spew on to digitized pixels on a computer screen
I write to appease my need to let go
I write because I know no one is going to care
I write because it's my life and I do as I please

FROM the time of the early radishes
To the time of the standing corn
Sleepy Henry Hackerman hoes.
  
There are laws in the village against weeds.
The law says a **** is wrong and shall be killed.
The weeds say life is a white and lovely thing
And the weeds come on and on in irrepressible regiments.
Sleepy Henry Hackerman hoes; and the village law uttering a ban on weeds is unchangeable law.

My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of
     universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I
     reach my hands and play with pebbles of
     destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs
     reading "Keep Off."

My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive
     in the universe.

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

bare, bud, green, going
winter claims the land
with a skeleton hand of bare trees
writing its stark song upon
the white white snow
in shadows
long, thin, black, and sharp

bud, green, going, bare
the spring sends small green spies
to see if the earth is ready
ready to try again
to shake the sleep of winter
from the hopeful eyes of spring

green, going, bare, bud
summer crowds the world with green
filling in all the spaces
like a child coloring outside the lines
full of life
and bustle
overflowing with the thoughts of eternity

going, bare, bud, green
the leaves are a kaleidoscopic scream of color
the land rages with its dying
showing all what will be missed
the last bright light of beauty before the
long white sleep

I wrote poems that carried so much of my vulnerability, self-love, emptiness, lust, self-destruction, and etc. that I felt all in that time.

I woke up every morning having bad habits that were difficult to let go. It began to be a routine to go on with my day with toxic thoughts, actions and feelings.

Most times, it takes hundredths of poems to heal brokenness. I'm here to say, in that amount of time, you have grown stronger than the last poem you've written. And when you look back at all those words you poured out so effortlessly, you have not realized how much pain you gone through and survived. You are a healing wound, and your body and mind is working wonders without you even knowing every second of the day.

You will wake up one day, feeling exhausted for letting this heaviness weigh you down for so long and you'll realize you're meant to do more than just fall.

- *CPM