H is for the question:
How the hell did I get here?

O is for the Ocean,
What I always search to find.

M is for the Moments,
Especially the small ones
That you least expect.

E is for Ever,
The amount of time that
I'll  be content on the road.

H is for Having some extra receptor  
That makes my quench for
Questing Impossible to fill.

O is for Organic,
The way it feels
When I explore something new.

M is for the Memories
That I can never forget.

E is for extraordinary,
The quality of my life.

H.
H is for Home,
But not in a traditional sense.

I use to find butterflies
In my stomach when I saw your face.
And id dream every night
Of the sweetness of your embrace.

But then you messed it all up,
Stupid, typical, selfish boy.
Playin, rippin, tearin at my heart,
Like a dog with a toy.

And there ain't no chance
Of you getting me back now.
Going back to you would be
As helpful as being hit by a plow.

To go back wouldn't be good at all,
And you're just the same as the last.
I've had way too much chasing, never finding.
I'll leave my heart alone in it's cast.

So I'll favorite your tweets
and I'll like your pics.
But don't think it's any more,
Because boys are really just a bunch of...dummies

Woah, I think there's a
roller coaster in my mind,
Bunches of Sporadic thoughts
With one congruent disguise.

Pop pop poppin up
all over my head
And they're pop pop poppin,
shootin us dead.

My ideas, they're killin us,
They're surface feeders.
Eating the truth
Like tasty hour d'oeuvres

I was in love once.
But it was such a long time ago,
I've begun to wonder if it was all in my mind.

Yes, there's been others since then,
But they always end in the same type of motions,
It seems to me the strangest paradigm.

Always starting with a vague sense of hope
A longing to feel a way again,
But then simply failing most definitely.


The longing for the feeling I adore,
Overpowers the longing for another's mind.
I don't even know if my heart can still hold something of that capacity.


And what  if I don't want it to?
Isn't it great to be free?
To leave all the cares behind, and live by the tide?

But wouldn't it be great to be free again?
To reside at the limit of happiness
Merely by being with that person you admire?

Even then, how could you ever know if he felt the same?
If a heart doesn't break even,
Surely it can't love equally either.

If my longing for him is greater than his for me,
What does that leave me to do,
Once his power is stronger than any other?

Or maybe it will never come to matter,
Because all these conflictions are secondary,
What I mostly fear would be much greater.

What if I can never feel that way again?
What if I've wore down my sensitivity,
And grown rock hard to the possibility of these feelings?

Maybe it's a lack of patience,
And maybe it's a complete inability.
And maybe I should just accept the reality that I may never fully connect with another human being.

Oh, what have I done to my heart.

The wind holds my hand.
A wandering soul,
Surprise is my plan.


The breeze sets me free.
The only thing I need
Is my mind and my feet.

It doesn't matter.
He doesn't matter.
Nothing matters, because to him,
It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter
That when I hear his name, my gut still aches.
It doesn't matter
that the girl he is with I wish was really me.
It doesn't matter
that I know these feelings might actually be fake.
It doesn't matter
that I'm obsessed with an idea and not what I really see.
It doesn't matter
that every time I get close to uncaring, the picture of us

(the one where we're content just staring at each other, or maybe the one where you're crying because you fell in love with me on accident)

is back in my head.
It doesn't matter
that he's different, that I'm different. That we'd be different.
Maybe better, probably worse.
It doesn't matter
that I will never be able to find out.
It doesn't matter
that I'm counting down the days till the anniversary of our split.
Because maybe (hopefully, probably not) on that day, I'll snap out of this caring.
It doesn't matter
that we agreed we hoped we'd find our way back to each other.
It doesn't matter.
But for some stupid reason,
It ******* does.

In the hustle of the city,
And the beauty of the nature,
The sound I adore can fade away.
But when you take a step apart,
A few deep breaths,
And Lots of grateful thoughts,
the sound of nothingness
Will be all that fills your ears.
I adore these quiet moments.

Beauty is a passing fancy
That can never last a life time.

So just like the trees of Autumn,
You will leave.

It's easy to love a pretty face
And forget about it tomorrow

But when you fall in love With a mind,
Your entire soul will grieve.

Feelings are never made equally,
I love your mind, you loved my body,

So just like the trees of Autumn,
You will leave.

Its like a broken
    stop light Flashing
      red          And    
    blue,           My heart
    won't        make up my
             mind.
       Yes           and no
   Stop.              Go.
      Like            A comet
     coming much too
               fast,
  I can't            wait for it to
  come               crashing in.
   Part of          me is terrified
           of the lasts,

But another can't wait
    for all the new firsts.
          Excruciatingly Terrified,
               Substantially ecstatic.

I lay down on the floor.

Solid, honest, dependable.
Comforting in the strangest of ways.

The floor is always there
To stop me from falling
To whatever lies beneath.

It's cold and so simple
But it's all that makes me comfortable
It's so real and unimpressive,
It is disguisedly refreshing.

Why is it so
Alluring,
That thing which
I cannot have.

A pain I never want to go away,
It's an expansion of the chest
Extraction of my breath
It feels terrifyingly safe.

Lust is what you all are mistaking,
This is much more like longing
It's a pain I never want to go away
Excruciatingly longing.

It picked her up like a
helpless little leaf.
And didn't even mind
That she was really trying.
Selfish
Nature.

The room started spinning
Her mind went numb.
She felt nothing.
And she felt it everywhere.
Spinning.
Dizzy.
And then it stopped and she

F
  E
     L
        L
             .

If I only ever inspire
One person throughout my life,
Well that's one more inspired
Than there's ever been before.

And if in life I can only aspire
To do one great thing with my life,
It'd be to urge all the other people
To aspire to inspire one too.

You'd think the moon would get lonely out there
All by itself night after night
It doesn't look too lonely
Because the stars are up there too
But really they're trillions of miles away
And the moon still keeps on shining
Most of those nights.

Late night walks
And gazes at stars
That's when I'm the happiest
And it's where you are

I can feel that this is right
So please say you'll try
And you can kiss my lips
Till the end of time

They say I'm rationale
And smart.

But what if, for once,
A girl want to live on a whim?
Or fall in love
Or mess up so terribly?

Well good for her,
But that girl is not me
Because writing is the only
Love
I'll ever need.

You say you love my heart
For it always makes you smile.
And my smile's from another world
You'd even,
Walk (but probably not) a thousand miles.

You always use your special words
Just to keep me for the night.
And although they make my heart jump for joy
In reality,
You'll never be seen with me by light.


And to you I'm just another body:
To love and leave tomorrow.
But I promise you this heart of mine
With time,
Will leave your soul with sorrow.

Somewhere in you there is a good man
But it's masked by the perceptions of society
And clouded
By thoughts from a shallow hearted species.

However now boy, I'm sorry to say,
I won't be here waiting
When the good man out shines.

Love is strong,
but
Need is stronger.

Food, Clothing, and Shelter.

I long for the day that I
I hunger for no other
But you and your embrace.

That I can wear nothing
But the accompaniment of you
And still feel complete.

And when the storm comes my way
I'll know, that even if we are not safe,
We'll be conquerors together
Until it all fades away.

But for now I don't need you
I can't need you
I don't want to.
So today, I love you
But someday, I'll need you.

I wish that I could yell out to the world
Without anyone hearing.

And I wish that I could stare at the stars
Until I had time to count them

Mostly I wish I could bottle this feeling
Of contentment that I get
From the knowledge of life's
most greatest moments.

Just
Trust
You?

Just is a word for the 2+2s,
Ups before downs or the
Scribbles on my shoes
That prove distraction from the world.

Just is a word you use to stay
Under the covers for a few more minutes.
Simple and easy, an apple a day but
Todays the day I don't.

I won't.

Because Trust is more
Than a once a day
Trust is more than
Something you say
Trust takes time
And effort to build.
Trust needs a reason,
and a home to fulfill.

For trust is not built from just saying just.

I'm not dead
I'm not absent
And I'm not even dormant.
I'm in waiting.
Actively waiting
For another
         s
            O
          U
             L
             -
          S
      H
           A
     k
             i
        N
    g
         -
     moment
to
    Change my
Life
   Forever.

It's a moment
That takes your breath
And then it's gone away.
A group of words
Just like so,
Or
A landscape
Whose perfection
Cannot be captured
In a photo or a painting.
Or
A painting
Whose impossible implications
Tear away at your brain
Until there's nothing left to
Understand.
Or
The chorus
Of a song,
Sang by someone
Who is unmistakeably
And irresistibly
In awe.
Or to be this person
Stuck in sleepless slumber
Never daring to dream of
An alternative to
Who they are.

These are the moments.

A lie
It all is.
I'll lie
Too -
Make the
Pain go
Away.
A lie
The
Most true
Words.
I'll lie
Here.
And not feel
Anything
At all.
A lie
It is all.
Just
A lie.