and i'm done
won't chase after you any longer
won't try to make a plan past tomorrow
will try to live in this moment

but
you see
it's hard for me
because this never feels secure
has always felt so tenuous

and part of me feels like you like it that way

so you can have it
i'll drop everything else
won't mention picket fences
won't think about next week
next summer
next year
the future

i'm done chasing the thoughts of a future with you
will only try to love the present

i asked the bear,

do you know what imbolc

is?

he stared at me with glassy eyes.



i told him. it is

today.



sbm.

have i got problems

Not even myself

Your lips give me breath
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me
But my prayers have become monotonous
And everything I write has been said before
Am I your ****?
Am I your little *****?
Too foolish to know what's good,
A glutton begging for more
Breaking bread in the bathtub
You lick the communion wine from my thighs
The morning light peeking in, a raging sadness within
I wipe the night from my eyes
Maybe you only call me baby in a bathrobe
And maybe I'm better off alone

while i waited
for a sign
i forgot
to look at you

i still wait
but now
i do it
alone

it's
not enough
and
it
never will be;

but
it's never wasted
and
won't soon
be forgotten.