Beautiful moments can still be found in chaos
Smiles can still be found when nothing else remains
Beauty may sometimes be harder to find
But, it is still there shining all the same
Sometimes, hell just seems unending
When seldom I can feel no more than pain
But, within my every darkest hour
There is still a light that shines
Sometimes, I just can’t see it

When sadness grows and blinds my eyes
Somewhere, deep inside, I still know
That one day, happiness will come
The rest of me still wages war against myself
Through so much still unwon
But, win or lose
Come heaven or hell
It matters not if or how I may fall...

For, whether I rise from the ashes of my defeat
Or rise defeated to meet my maker
I will rise

I paused before a puddle
Gazing into its shallow murk
Seeing my reflection therein
And I wondered…

Am I here on the outside
Seeing myself as I truly am…

Or am I the reflection of who I think I am
Seeing myself clearly for the first time?

Am I looking into the murk…

Or am I looking up out of it?

So cold, this wind of uncertainty
But my rippling reflection shivers more than I

This emptiness inside me...

How it seems to grow
From a whisper to a scream…

From a shadow to a night unending…

Crying out for change
For something temporary
To fill the void between now and forever
Even though I know…

Temporary will only feed the emptiness
And merely pacify the pain of loneliness…

Not only for me...

But for another

Is it wrong to want someone to hold
To want someone to hold me
To chase away each other’s darkness
In companionship and calm
In passion and compassion
In mutual understanding and desire
Knowing it will only be temporary
Until we each find our forever?

Maybe…

Maybe not…

All I know is this:

Every time what seemed to be my forever
Turned out to be only temporary...

The emptiness grew more fiercely...

Instantaneously...

And the nights grew longer…

Loneliness became more lonely…

My heart more broken

And if I can curse the sky…

Curse my name…

Knowing how much harder it will be…

How can I condone…

How can I expect…

How can I allow…

How can I ask anyone for temporary
No matter how much it may appeal to either of us...

Temporarily?

If I know it would do more to destroy love
Than to create love…

Why does temporary even appeal to me at all at times?

Because…

Sometimes…

Temporary feels like forever

But…

Temporary always ends

No matter how long it takes…

Temporary always ends

So…

No matter how long the nights…

No matter how long the wait…

No matter how lonely loneliness may seem…

I wait...

Though the emptiness inside me grows...

No matter how loud the whisper...

No matter how silent the scream…

I will wait for my forever
Because this pain is only temporary
And temporary always ends…

Even when it feels like forever

As I sit here and write through this silence of night
The voices wage war once again in my mind
The hopeful and hopeless, both blinded by sight
Bleed more dust from their armor
Never settling score
I hold dear the light, through the violent plight
The choice of my rage…to defend what is mine
To hold to the hope that soon, all will be right
No more pain will I harbor
For I’m worth so much more

The words don’t come easy as battles rage on
Especially when I’m my own greatest foe
Tortured by every word, right or wrong
Second guessing my self
Every which way I turn
I want to give up, but I want to go on
Serenity somewhere adrift in my woe
It seems that I’ve battled myself for so long
I’ve lost touch with myself
And I’ve left me to burn

Somewhere there’s a lie between myself and I
Both of us perfect strangers who cannot agree
To hope and to try, or to give up and die
If I can’t save myself
Maybe I can save me
If I find peace of mind, maybe I can survive
But which piece holds my peace still remains to be seen
When the plans of both I and myself go awry
Am I fooling myself?
Will I ever be free?

My darkness and light both continue their fight
If there is an end, it’s one I’ve yet to find
Try as I might, nothing seems to go right
Each attempt now much harder
Than each time before
So I sit here and write through this silence of night
As the voices wage war once again in my mind
The hopeful and hopeless, both blinded by sight
Bleed more dust from their armor
Never settling score

It's early in the morning, the sun comes over the mountain
peaks
To reveal a million shimmering diamonds scattered round her
feet
Each a liquid sphere of beauty shot through with rainbow
light
Only the magic hand of nature could create this wondrous
sight
A million glittering dew drops were laid there over
night
Each is now a diamond transformed by the suns warm
light
She sits in stunned amazement as each diamond fades
away
Burned off by the rising sun with the coming of the
day

And I wonder
If I will ever stop bleeding
Or if maybe
That's what I was born to do

I know you may not love me
The same way I love you
But you needn't feel you have to
For your love to still be true
For me, it's still an honor
Just to feel this way at all
Without you, I feel nothing
And with you, I feel all

So please don't feel I'm wasting time
On something that can't be
When every moment spent with you
Helps me feel more like me
We don't have to be lovers
When the love we share as friends
Can help us feel so much like whole
So please, don't let this end

Nowhere that I've ever been
Has felt like home to me
Not one place I have lain my head
Has vanquished misery
It hasn't been the places
That have saved me from alone
With you, my friend, I've found my peace
With you, I feel I'm home

It doesn't have to be romance
In spending time with you
A pleasant conversation
Or an argument will do
The way we show we care
In everything we say and do
Making love isn't physical
It's each moment shared with you

So worry not that you don't feel
The same way that I do
For love can still exist in friendship
And still be pure and true
Not one moment is a waste
When you are close to me
With you, I do not feel alone
With you, I feel I'm free

Will you take my hand and boldly see
Just how our friendship grows?
Through good and bad
Through right and wrong
Through times we're hurting so
In sharing every heartache
Working through mistakes we make
Don't let this die
Don't say goodbye
With love as friends at stake

When unto night ill dreams befall
When into light the shadows creep
What is illusion?
What is confusion?
What is the truth in what's said or unspoken?
I've tried to understand it all
But I may be thinking way too deep
So many exclusions
With so few conclusions
Is it untruth, or a heart oh so broken?

Has everything that I've been through so changed me
That I just can't see poeple's hearts anymore?
Maybe I've become blind
To all pain but what's mine
Sometimes I just don't know what to think at all
But there is one thing that I know shouldn't be
The loss of a memory before it's in store
We're but wasting our time
With each moment declined
We think we're so smart, but know nothing at all

I've spoken each word I feel and fear
And I've tried from the depth of my heart to explain
Why I can't reach conclusion
Why, for me, it's confusion
And the only thing certain is you've changed your mind
Somewhere amidst all that you've let me hear
From the start and the after, you seem to abstain
I don't want an illusion
And I don't want exclusion
I want to know all that you're feeling inside

I want to know your heart
All your pains, and all your joys
Both before and after we first met
What elates, and what annoys
I want to know just how you feel
On nothing and everything
I want to know how you see you
And the hopes to which you cling

I can keep talking, and you can stay silent
Or we both can go our seperate ways
But both would hurt more
Than not trying much more
To relate to each other through smiles and scars
But the only way that I'll feign to be silent
Is if you can open to me in some way
My heart has been poured
And just what was it for?
So completely, you'll know we can share heart to heart

I want to spend whatever moments
Which God sees fit in giving us time
To share every smile
With each moment worthwhile
Loving friends to the end through the good and the bad
I want you to know we're both poets
Both in words and in actions, in kind
We've both walked weary miles
And we've both faced our trials
But we've both found our passions in times between sad

I want to continue to know you
Every day that we possibly can
When the days in-between
Bring but words on a screen
Because we'll ever be thankful we're friends as we are
That's why I continue to show you
Every day that I possibly can
You have brought out of me
Someone I couldn't see
I want to know your heart

I want to know your heart
All your pains, and all your joys
Your smiles and frowns
Your ups and downs
Let silence be destroyed
I want to know our friendship
Means as much to you as I
That we both can defend
A love shared between friends
Because friendship is worth every fight
I want you to know my heart
And to know these things of me
Each moment is what we make it
And there are moments left to be
I want us to know there's a next time
In each moment we know we must part
I want us to cherish our friendship
My friend, I want to know your heart