you were dust before i held you
and your memories were tainted
before we fell through
the cavities of each others hearts.

If you were a book
I would run out of ink underlining all of my favourite things about you.

Darling she's the most beautiful piece of literature
you'd ever have had the pleasure of discovering
reading, indulging in, bringing to life
it's your fault, regret, mistake
that you tossed her to the side
because something less than average
caught your eye

You pulled the foundations I'd spent years forming
Right from under me

When I hold your hand in mine
I have the entire world
At my fingertips.

If breaking hearts is a crime
Death row awaits you.

When did we
Come to the conclusion
That destroying houses
Is far more beautiful
Than creating them?

*When did we learn
It was okay
To break instead of build
Homes in others hearts?

Me?
I was born a storm
A whirlwind of inner turmoil
Tsunamis tripping off my tongue.

Why is it so hard
for us to accept ourselves as we are,
and yet so easy to pick out our
imperfections and scars
and allow them to taint and tar,
combine and define
the picture we paint
The person we are,
and the person we believe we should be.
The staged presentation
we allow others to see.

Every time we say goodbye
I'm terrified
It'll be for the last time

You show me how to make peace with the person I have spent so many years at war with, myself.

I find myself in coffee shops
drinking down espresso shots,
in a haste,
in an attempt,
to rid the bitter sweet taste,
you left in my mouth,
and on the corners of my lips.

Amongst the debris, the ash, the embers, lies the very foundation of who we are apart and the inferno we are together.

I'd spent so long searching for the light outside of me,
I almost didn't notice
It shining from within.

I miss you
Every second, of every hour, of every single ******* day,
And nothing i seem to do,
Takes that pain away.

Im falling apart,
pick a character, play your part.
Its okay darling
Im a lover of the arts.

The fog that night doesn't compare
With the smog you left in my mind

Ill blend up the rainbow
and shoot it through your veins

This applies to every single one of you. No matter how little you may believe you are worth, I swear to you, you are worth more, way more than you could ever imagine, in your wildest dreams. You are worth the same as those you value most, that girl with the body you aspire yours to be like, those people that you envy for being so naturally beautiful, your closest friends, your family. You are worth every piece of happiness, hope and health. I promise. You are not a diagnosis or a statistic, defined by criteria, percentiles and numerical figures, no. You are so much more. You are more than the inches around your waist, the abs on your stomach, the lbs that creep up and down on the scales, the self defeating thoughts, the highlighting of your insecurities, the constant regrets.
You are the air you breathe, the laughter that slips between your lips, the fight that you said you had ran out of months ago. The love you share and feel, the smiles that sweep across your face, those moments where happiness feels so close that you can almost taste it. You are daylight, the sun, nightlife, clubs and music and drunken confessions. You are a shining star, the scent of your favourite perfume, your most treasured memories crammed into ink and squashed between frames.

Never doubt that you are more.

2013 ©

She pinned me to the wall
Breath heavy, legs a p a r t
Like the most beautiful canvas
Begging for art.

My anxieties have a way of strangling me
And snatching life from under me
Better than any noose
Ever could

Insecurities have a way of
Eating you up
From the inside out.

It is not uncommon for people to sail away from the shore, when they are most in need of the sand.

And til the ends of eternity,
shall i carry your heart carefully,
inside me.
Til the stars no longer shine,
til poetry no longer rhymes,
shall i hold your hand in mine.
Til the sea, no longer meets the shore,
shall i love you today, tomorrow and
forever more.

I take my hands
And lace them tightly around your trembling heart,
I pull you in close
and promise you a fresh start
using
hand picked words of art
you place your palm
in mine
as we embark and unwind
the knots within your mind
together we find
solutions for the pollutions
that others have left behind.

You were like the purest of rainbows shooting through my veins.
You were better than any pills, ****** or *******.
No drug around, made me feel the same,
helped me forget,
the way you called my name.

And i would have done anything for just one more fix,
a touch, a hit, the taste of those lips.
But reality it slips and skips,
and misses,
and slowly but surely,
I recovered without those kisses.

Take all that love and care,
You have to share,
and give them to the person who needs and deserves them most,
the ghost
of yourself.

I wish i could capture the way you look at me
And cram it into a frame
So that i could wake up feeling
Beautiful, every single day.

Words can be one of the strongest painkillers.

She shows me oceans
Where the desert lays

I can give you everything I have, but it will never be enough; because right now you're not enough for yourself.

And i could pick every petal off every flower in every country, and still would you love me not.

In you lies
the promise of better tomorrows
the most beautiful of tomorrows.

Write me a meal plan in bright red pain
And tell me this is the answer to all my problems again
Force down a tube through my nose and into my stomach
And watch as I flummox out of control
Fill this gaping hole inside of me
With drugs and sedation
Numb out pain and realisation
Force feed me promises and a smile
Only to regress back in a while.
Fill these cracks
With temporary fixtures
Concoctions of pills and other mixtures.
Treat me with CBT and psychotherapy
Tell me one day ill be free
And maybe if you say it enough times
Ill start to believe it
As much as you say you do.

Lips like red wine
And me,
I could drink and dine
on them
For a lifetime.

When waves of sadness washed over me
And began to pull me under
You taught me how to swim.

Loving her comes as naturally as breathing,
I inhale her and exhale her
Every single time.

How do you manage to transform
A tsunami like me
Into tranquil waters.

Something that speaks volumes to you
Could be a mere whisper
To someone else

You scribbled out my innocence
With poisoned ink
That flowed from your tongue
Lies wrapped in little green ribbons
Tumbling from the corners of your lips
Trickling down your chin
Until eventually,
You started tripping over them.

There are no words, no carefully stringed sentences, no clever use of metaphors, alliteration, punctuation and full stops,
that allows us to crop and capture,
the rapture,
of love.

There are things your only your eyes have ever seen
Places that only you have ever touched
Memories created
That have never meant so much.

You don't look through me like most, you look deep inside, pick up every flaw and regret and make a toast to the wonders that make me, me.

Your lies coagulated in my veins.

Home is
The scent
The taste
The feel
The sound
The sight
Of you.

And the memories we so lovingly crafted, like a child building sandcastles by the sea, will forever wash over me.