I wish i could capture the way you look at me
And cram it into a frame
So that i could wake up feeling
Beautiful, every single day.

You show me how to make peace with the person I have spent so many years at war with, myself.

If breaking hearts is a crime
Death row awaits you.

Wind mills in our skulls
So fast we can't get a grasp on
Pretty pills
As we stare out
Of barred windowsills

Home is
The scent
The taste
The feel
The sound
The sight
Of you.

Every time we say goodbye
I'm terrified
It'll be for the last time

When every bone in your body aches to be relieved through death, When it hurts to breathe, when the thoughts and ideations of self harm cut you deeper than any blade could and the thought of suicide is one of hope not fear, when the burdens you bear are so heavy you feel them weigh every inch of you down, when you wake up with regret that you made it through another night, when you feel like you're drowning in the millions of tears that have parted from your eyes, and yet you march on anyway, you throw away the pills, you put down the blade, you pick up that fork of food and you eat, you don't turn to a bottle or drugs, you dig deep within yourself for the fight you swore you had run out of months ago and you carry on with life, that is the rawest and most admirable strength there is.

She breathes
Constellations straight into my lungs.
She leaves
Stars fizzing gently on my tongue.

Write me a meal plan in bright red pain
And tell me this is the answer to all my problems again
Force down a tube through my nose and into my stomach
And watch as I flummox out of control
Fill this gaping hole inside of me
With drugs and sedation
Numb out pain and realisation
Force feed me promises and a smile
Only to regress back in a while.
Fill these cracks
With temporary fixtures
Concoctions of pills and other mixtures.
Treat me with CBT and psychotherapy
Tell me one day ill be free
And maybe if you say it enough times
Ill start to believe it
As much as you say you do.

Take all that love and care,
You have to share,
and give them to the person who needs and deserves them most,
the ghost
of yourself.

Your tongue wasn't strong enough to hold the lies
And my heart wasn't ready
To face the truth

Your lies coagulated in my veins.

To hold a hand, a heart, a body and in that moment, to feel as though you have found a home.

She closed the door
On what could have been
Wiped the floor
Of what should have been
Cleared the shelves of our memories
Washing her hands
Of the eternity
That we had both promised.
She painted the walls, and decked the halls
With her new lovers pen
Changed the locks
So I couldn't see her again.
She wrote away our history
On a little post it note
And sent it in an envelope of
Divorce papers
She called in the painters and decorators
And started anew
Put to bed
All that we'd been through
And left me dangling
By a thread
Waiting for the phone to call
For any sign at all
That this wasn't true.
Waiting for the I love yous
That had warmed even the coldest of mornings
Better than any cup of coffee ever could
Waiting for the reassuring cuddles and kisses
That had made me feel so, so good.
Waiting
For
The one person who had always caught me, to catch me
As I fell
Head first into an abyss
Of late nights and stiff drinks
That she'd spent years, pouring down sinks.
But since she's been gone
I've picked up the bottle again
And it's began to throttle the pain.
So I drink down the past and remains in whiskey drops
Until the floor lures me
I lose sight of the clocks
And hit the decks.
If I was a pirate,
I'd make a mighty good ship mate
But as it is
I'm not and I'm late for work
And wearing odd socks
A shadow of the man I used to be.
And even my shadow doesn't recognise me.

I find myself in coffee shops
drinking down espresso shots,
in a haste,
in an attempt,
to rid the bitter sweet taste,
you left in my mouth,
and on the corners of my lips.

You've made some mistakes,
I have too.
In some ways we’re pretty similar,
in others I am nothing like you.

You make the ordinary extraordinary.

Your insecurities,
all those flaws you believe to be impurities,
are beautiful,
to me.

She,
She was the sun
And what an honour it had been
To live life
In her warmth.

When I hold your hand in mine
I have the entire world
At my fingertips.

The curtains close and I throw a rose into the stage, as the pages of our story meet, in harmony.
We say our goodbyes.

Your mother
Twinkles in the pupils of your eyes
your father resonates
in the rivers that they cry.

Ill blend up the rainbow
and shoot it through your veins

We stopped asking questions
Because we were too afraid to
Know the answers.

I would bleed every pen dry
The sun right out of the sky
The truth out of every lie
In a bid to list
all the reasons why
I love you

You're a constellation of stars
The only constellation of stars
In my sky.

If you listen carefully enough you can hear her voice break as her words smash off the rocks of her insecurities.

You tell me your afraid of the dark
well darling, ill stand in the shadows of your heart
and blaze a path,
so bright,
you won't have to be frightened anymore.

Something that speaks volumes to you
Could be a mere whisper
To someone else

In loving me, you taught me to love myself.

*In forgiving me, you taught me to forgive myself.

Just the sound of your voice
Causes the corners of my lips
To rejoice
Upwards.

How many opportunities
Do we miss
Because we're too afraid
To take the risk

In the moments that I'm missing you, waves crash over me.
Every night that we're apart, I find myself drowning.

i miss the way you planted butterflies in my stomach and fireflies in the pupils of my eyes.

you were dust before i held you
and your memories were tainted
before we fell through
the cavities of each others hearts.

How could our love die
when it lives
in these pages?

The silence of losing you
Is deafening.

You have touched me
Left fingerprints
In places no other ever has
And nobody else
Ever will.

Loving her comes as naturally as breathing,
I inhale her and exhale her
Every single time.

Those lies you spun like a spiders web
Took place, built homes,
Inside my head.

You made me feel as though I was wrong
For needing air in my lungs
Love in my heart and
Reassurance somewhere inbetween.

You pulled the foundations I'd spent years forming
Right from under me

Im falling apart,
pick a character, play your part.
Its okay darling
Im a lover of the arts.