When I found out you had cancer,
I was angry. Livid. Scared.
Although they gave you eighteen months,
It's nothing when compared.

No time would ever be enough,
To say our last goodbyes,
But Covid-19 took away,
The chance before you died.

You lived beyond those eighteen months,
You were stronger than us all!
You fought so hard with all you had,
But we reached your final call.

I miss you more than words can say,
Forever now apart,
Just knowing we won't speak again,
Weighs heavy on my heart.

Fly happy, with the angels, love
I'll miss you more, dear friend,
Until we meet at heavens doors,
On my memories, I'll depend

RIP ♡

I lie awake in bed at night,
I can't drift off to sleep,
The thoughts I wish would disappear,
My brain decides to keep.

She rambles on, incessantly,
Each thought is filled with pain,
And if I try to intervene,
She simply starts again.

She thinks this life seems more like hell,
It's filled with death and fear,
We form attachments, fall in love,
Then lose those we hold dear.

We slave away at work each day,
There's nothing that's my own,
And all this, just to pay the bills,
For someone else's home.

She feels like there's no point to life,
She's living, just to cry,
And when we lie in bed each night,
She prays for me to die.

The scary part in all of this,
I'm starting to agree,
My mood each day is drawn from her,
But she was born, from me.

We are the same. I'm her, she's me,
Her thoughts echo my own,
And ultimately, if she's me,
It means, I'm all alone.

How is everyone?

I've recently returned from a gap in posting, hope everyone is well in this new crazy World!

💜

I was going to write a poem,
Something witty, something fun,
But instead the words pop in my head,
About a Soldier and his gun.

I think about the wars of old,
And the wars still yet to come.
No difference in the way they feel,
A soldier and his gun.

So many battles won, some not
Each one with Soldiers lost,
They fight for king and country,
Without clear thought of cost.

And though the tragic loss of life,
Weighs heavy on my heart,
Without them, life would ever change,
With freedom torn apart.

So many soldiers lose their lives,
This knowledge, saddens me.
Those that survive, should walk with pride,
All thanks to you, I'm free!

With this, I write my words of thanks,
This poem's almost done!
I simply give my gratitude,
To each Soldier and his gun.

At night, when all the world's asleep
Is when I miss you most . . .

I miss the way you'd hold me tight
The way you'd stroke my hair
The little things like holding hands,
Just knowing you were there

I'd cuddle up and go to sleep
I felt so loved, secure
I always knew you'd keep me safe
My love for you was pure

I trusted you in every way,
I never felt afraid
I knew you'd keep me safe from harm
I loved the home we'd made.

But over time we grew apart,
You spent more time away
I never knew quite what went wrong
But distance grew each day

Then in the end you walked away,
I begged with you, I cried
But all you said is you were "done"
Your love was just a lie

You left and never once looked back
At least not right away
And by the time you changed your mind
We'd nothing left to say

With distance I gained clarity
I didn't want you back
I focus on the things I have
Instead of what I lack

I know I'm not the perfect girl,
I've never claimed to be
But somewhere out there, in the world
Is the perfect man for me

Who knows I'm not the perfect size
But loves me anyway!
He doesn't go off how I look
But how I act each day

And while I know that I'll move on
I grieve your loss each day
I think of what we had and shared
Together, In our way

I lie on the grass
Looking up at the Sky,
I'm asking you questions
The main one is 'Why?'

Why did you make me
With so many faults?
With so many secrets
I need my own vault?

Why did you give life
Then take it away?
Why did you give me
So much pain each day?

Why did you give me
The sorrow I feel?
Awake or asleep
This longing surreal?

I lie on the grass
Looking up at the sky?
I ask you my questions,
The main one being 'Why?'

If I should disappear from life
Don't mourn for me, don't grieve.
Please know that while I'll be at peace,
I'd never choose to leave.

Each one of you has shaped my life
But all in different ways,
So many opportunities
So many things to say!

I love you more that words could say
Far more that I express
And know, no matter where I am
By loving you, I'm blessed!

So don't be sad but smile instead
At all the fun we had,
No tears to shed, no wearing black
No hint of being sad

We'll meet again, I know we will
And when we do, be sure
That like old times, we'll be just fine
Life as it was before.

I stare out the window,
Looking out at the rain.
It reminds me of sadness,
Of sorrow and pain.

I don't see the rain,
But instead it's my tears.
The grey clouds that gather,
Are my feelings and fears.

As days have gone past,
The darkness has grown.
The thunder is building,
My anger is shown.

I'm mad that you left me,
I'm mad you don't care.
I'm angry you took
All that I had to share.

But you threw it aside,
It was worthless, ignored.
Just an unwanted gift,
And all you were, was bored.

I wish I could hate you,
At least for a time.
All this anger is tiring,
But at least it is mine!

Great crashes of thunder,
Of anger and pain.
I keep it all hidden,
My own private shame.

The day my baby sister came
They all forgot 'bout me!
Her tiny little hands and feet
Were all that she could see

She only had to burp or yawn
To hear them Ahhhhhh and Oooooh
I might as well have packed my bags
And moved to Timbuktu

I'm only five years old you see
But Shelly's just five days
She has this face that's oh so sweet
She's sneaky in her ways

And so I sneak to take revenge
She'll simply have to go
I look and see enormous eyes
It hits me and I know

This girl's my baby sister
I'll forgive her all her noise!
I guess that once she's old enough
We'll even share my toys

There's just one thing I just won't do
I'll never change her diaper!
The things I've seen and smelled down there ...
I'd rather change a viper!

My muse, she left me yesterday
Today she came right back
So many words flow through my mind
I simply can't keep track!

I like to take her everywhere
I never really know
Where inspiration might hit next
Or where she next might go

I don't know where she goes, or why
I only know she's missed
I truly only write my best
When by my muse I'm kissed.

I stand upon a makeshift bridge,
With suicide in mind,
I'm nothing, just an empty shell
A girl who's broke inside.

And yet there's someone calling me,
They tell me not to go,
They tell me there is more to life
Than a man I used to know.

I don't believe that when you left
This world behind in death,
Your spirit disappeared from life
Upon your final breath.

I like to think that for a while
You chose to stay nearby,
So you might help those left behind
To live before they die.

You make me think before I act
You're never far away
You influence the way I think
And live from day to day

You are the voice inside my head
You are my spirit guide
My love for you will never fade
When I know you're by my side.

I look in the mirror
And hate what I see
I see my reflection
It's looking at me

My other self judges
She hates what she sees
At least on this one thing
It seems we agree

I hate my reflection
Both inside and out
But it's not that important
Not what life's about

There's no-one who'll truly
Appreciate me
Until I acknowledge
How good life can be

Until I can love me
And stop feeling shamed
Then no-one will see past
My demons, untamed.

I stand alone upon the edge,
The precipice of life,
I feel I've lived too many years,
In fear of pain and strife.

I need to learn to live each day,
As if it were my last.
To do exactly as I please,
*** life, it goes too fast.

No longer will I care about,
What other people say,
Behind my back or to my face,
It won't affect my day.

There's just one thing I'd like to say,
I'd like you all to know,
I will not shed another tear,
For those that choose to go.

I'd like to write of happy things,
A loving glance or smile,
But even if I'd known such things,
It's simply not my style.

For when I'm hurt, or in a mood,
I shut myself away,
I'm furiously writing,
About what bothered me that day.

I tend to be quite negative,
It's impossible to hide,
But if you'd look beyond the angst,
You would see a different side.

My heart is heavy,
With love comes pain.
They're hand in hand
With nothing to gain!

I lock the door
And Disappear
To me, true love
Is heartbreak and fear

Fear to trust,
Fear of pain,
Fear of losing myself,
Again.

She walks along the moonlit shore
Her heart is broken
How could he do this to her
She's left an empty shell
Much like the ones scattered on the sand
Waiting for the ocean to take them away to a better place

When I was twelve, I lost my faith,
First Jackie, then my Nan.
So many people lost since then,
So, not your biggest fan.

Although the grief was strong at first,
I took a while to see.
You weren't being cruel by taking them,
You were not testing me.

To start I lost all faith in you,
(The little that I'd had)
And for a while the blame was yours,
All I could feel, was sad.

But bit by bit, I thought of you,
In stressful times we'd talk.
Or rather I would talk to you,
You'd listen while I'd walk.

No matter what I asked of you,
I never once heard 'No'
Although I turned my back on you,
You stuck around to show.

That even though I don't do church,
And I don't know how to prey.
You're with me, giving guidance,
Each and every single day.

At nineteen you were far too young
To take your final breath,
And though these sixteen years have passed,
I'm haunted by your death

I think about how life would be
If you had never died,
I think about what you'd be like,
If only you'd survived

I'm older now than you were then,
I wish that you were here,
The sister that I never had,
I'd share with you, my fears

Like whether I could be a mom
When I always want to cry
Or how sometimes I feel so sad
I wish that I could die

I wish that when I spoke to you
That you could answer back
I know that you would talk me round
You always had the nak

I feel so lonely all the time
But wear my bravest face
I never let them see me cry
In sadness's embrace

My writing is my great escape,
My secret hideaway.
And when it all just gets too much
It helps me through the day

It calms me down from angry heights
It cleanses me with tears
With just a simple plain white page
I write away my fears

My writing never judges me
It never says I'm wrong
And by the time my pens put down
I realise I'm strong!

Sadness, pouring out of me,
Dripping on the floor.
Anger, rolling off in waves
And slamming out the door.

I wish that I could leave behind
The anger and the pain
And know that that's the end of it
I won't be hurt again

But we all know that family
Can hurt you more than most
They'll use and leave an empty shell
A broken soul, a ghost

I'm told that I'm depressive,
but I'm not sure what that means.
I guess I have my ups and downs,
My tears they cleanse, they clean

I never seem to turn it off,
the switch is hidden ... lost
I take frustrations out on you
without clear thought of cost

I feel as if it never fades
I'm struggling to breathe
and now I know what causes it
I'm scared you're going to leave

It's time for little girls to sleep
It's time to fade the light
I'm going to read you just one book
Then tuck you in real tight

The closets checked, there's nothing there
There's no one at the door
And yes, I'll check just one more time,
That's what a mother's for

There's nothing underneath your bed,
To grab you while you sleep
There's nothing evil stood nearby
To steal the things you keep

So close your eyes and go to sleep
And dream of happy things
The sort of dreams that only your
Imagination brings