Raven

Raven Jul 2016

Here I am again,
writing these ****** poems
trying to find a way to get out how I feel.
But nothing really works..

I drowning in front of everyone
Who claim they care
My legs are bleeding from the pretty little marks
left from a ****** blade and a twitching hand.
Tear-stained ,puffy cheeks and mascara smuged
glossy eyes
Begging for someone to show they care

But who really does cares at the end of the day?

My mind is racing with ****** up thoughts
And merciless images of my body lying there..
Or hanging there.

****** wrist hanging over a once innocent white bath
now a pinky stained colour.
Drip drip drip
it rolls of the lifeless fingertips
Splasing the grey floor
The noise taunts my ******* mind
Begging me to run and do it

Knuckles all ******,broken
A dented, freshly painted red wall
Another impulse
caused by the anger pulsing in my veins.

But who really cares?

No one ******* knows how bad it's got
They all think it's all okay...
Now don't get me wrong
I've screamed for help,
begged like a ******* dog.
But like I said...
Who the **** really cares?

I'm drinking my life away
Clawing and carving my skin
To help the pain
I've planned it all
Just waiting for the right moment

I don't want to be saved
I don't want love
I don't believe in hope
Not anymore

So I'll sit here for now
Writing these ****** poems
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting

For the right moment to go
When no one is watching the little girl in her room
with the craved up legs and a broken smile.
She will, I will disappear into the night
Into deaths welcoming arms
Once and for all

I apologizes for how bad my 'poems' are and to be honest I'm shocked that people read them at all.
If anyone needs to talk about anything at all, I'm only a message a way.

May 2016

ln

To dust, we shall return

when your body burnt to ashes-

I stopped believing that God was real
If He was real, why weren't my prayers answered
Why wasn't all my tears on New Years Eve accounted for
Why wasn't I even gifted enough to say goodbye one last time

I stopped believing love is real
It wasn't strong enough to keep you from leaving
It wasn't true enough to make you last one more night
Everything I had grown to love was built on a lie

when my friend fell into pieces-

I stopped believing that strength is real
If you could fight all the years of pain, why was this one any harder?
If he was tough as steel, why did the tears run down his face?
Everything I had grown to believe was built on a lie

I stopped believing in promises
You said you loved each other and then you both hated each other
You said I would get better and yet I find myself thinking of a million different ways I could take away all of this
Everything I had tried to put my faith in, was a lie

This life is nothing, and I am nothing.
I have nothing to lose and I give up.

*Death, you win.

#life #death #hope #faith #mercy

May 2016

subpar star

isolate yourself

you're only hurting yourself,
putting in all this effort,
for people who don't give a **** about you

you would comb the earth
a thousand times over
searching for a pin
if they asked.

they wouldn't even bend over
to pick up a pencil for you,
let alone risk cutting themselves
trying to mend your shattered glass heart.

#love #heartbreak #sad #loss #relationships #friendship #you #me #shattered #glass

Raven May 2016

Have another beer

Go have another beer,
ignore that I am here.
I'm nothing anyway....

But don't yell at me when I snap
And swipe away the bottle.
Don't get pissy with me when I leave!

Don't be a ******* hypocrite
when I drink my life away
because you pushed me too far.
You do it so why can't I?

I'm not your punching bag
So stop taking it out on me,
it's not always my fault
So stop treating me like ****.

Stop expecting me to drop everything,
my thoughts aren't meant to be just about you.
Get over the fact I have male friends!
I'm not your ******* property!

You expect so much yet you never give back
You may give gifts but that's not what I want

I'm tired
Exhausted
We just go around in circles
You just end up drinking or going out
I ended up crying and saying sorry....

But it's not just my fault
And you can't see that
I can't try no more
I can't keep saying sorry

So just go have another beer,
You just go drink your problems away
But if I'm not here when you come back
Don't complain