what it must be like to be one of those girls!
teasing smile, heart of bubblegum and cigarettes
you chase her, yet you have no desire to understand her
no yearning to hear her thoughts on a dark and sleepless night

i want to exchange dreams with you
want to find myself breathless in the depths
of your mind's many oceans
want to feel your arms around me
encircling my waist
that will never be as narrow as hers
a figure of skin and bone that will never measure up

you don't care for substance
you drink from shallow ponds and let their coolness dissolve in the heat of your disinterest
you like how they sparkle in the light
the way my raging ocean never will
and yet i leave myself at your doorstep
knowing you'll never find yourself
looking down

Numb.
Empty.
Hollow.
I no longer feel a thing.
No love, no pain, no happiness.
No feeling left from before,
I've become a black hole and I'm just draining those around me.
******* the good out of them all, until they become like me.
Bottomless pits of anger and rage.
Were they hurt those they care about
and push everyone away.
Until no one is left to say
"I care"
Or
" It will all be okay one day"

Numb, empty, hollow.
I no longer feel a thing
I could of been helped
Instead I was shoved away
Now I'm just a raging monster
Ripping myself away and tearing others apart.

Tick tick tick
Another sleepless night
Leaving me awake with thoughts
Eating away at me
Daunting me with  my mistakes
And **** ups

Eating away at my flesh
As the  time slowly
Painfully slips by
Daring me to go deep

My mind's slipping as each  minute goes by
Getting closer  and closer
To the  edge
The edge of sanity

By the end of another wasted night
My  ****** hands
Cling to the edge
A bottomless pit looming  
below
The chuckles and laughter
of the demons that haunt my mind echo around
Bouncing of the hard rocky walls


Clinging to the small hope left,
they claw and scratch at the hard ground above
Hoping
Praying
To feel the warmness of anothers hand
Slip into the dried blooded, cold hands
clinging to the edge of a free mind

Nothing...

No one

But the demons below mocking me
For being so foolish
So stupid
To believe someone would care
Someone would help

Hope crumbles away
Into the darkness
Into the nothing
And so do I

I pull you out
Smoothing your creases
Lying you flat so I can
Fill you with
A sweet mixture of guilt
And poison
There's artistry in my fingers
As I roll you expertly
From years of practice
Along your length
Into the shape I desire
I lick your edges
Firmly sealing you with a feather like touch
I place you lovingly between
My lips
Flicking the flame
That will bring you to life
I draw you deep into my mouth
Relishing the burn as you travel down
My throat
Into my lungs
Where with each puff

You

      ****      
me

Slowly

(C) Pixievic 2016

The liquor fills the hole
Taking the pain away
Hiding it for a while
But
The pound begins as the sun creeps in

Eyes squinting at the burning, innocent light
Rolling over with a mumble and a groan
Staring at the pure clean ceiling
So opposite from my dark dark life.

The bottles are pilling up
Each one emptier then the last,
The demons drip back through as
The sweet sweet liquor wears off.
The aching begins as the moonlight ends

Forcing myself to get up and go
Is so much harder then before
Reaching for my bedside draw
Scooping up the pure white pills
just to take away some of the pain
Is now a daily thing


The liquor is running out
Bottles laying on the floor
Each one emptier than the last
The memories rush back as the sunlight begins

Hands rubbing temples
Trying to erase some pain
Craving another drop
Just to fill me inside
Even just for a small time

The Liquors all gone
The aching got worse
How can I go on without my
sweet sweet pain taker?

Eyes so raw
So sore
As clear drops fall,
Cheeks red with small watery tracks
dashing down

It's too late to try and stop...