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Raven Dec 2015
Aching bones
Sore muscles
Tired eyes
Late nights

Weak heart
Ready to shatter
at any beat

My head hurts
Thoughts jumbled up
Like a car crash
Demons and monsters messing
with my mind
Whispering words of dread
and longing of my death

Everyday is a struggle
Aching bones
Sore muscles
Tired eyes.

When will it end?
Raven Oct 2015
Is this goodbye?
Is this the end?
*Is this were the promise ends?

This is were I begin to cry myself to sleep again
This is were the nightmares come back
This is were my life can't go on

I lost the light that scared away the darkness
I pushed the knight in shining armor away
Telling him I can fight my own battles

But I can't

I am just as weak as they think
I am as stupid as they all believe
I am nothing and I just pushed you away

I let you walk away
I didn't even realize until it was too late
But I can't do this on my own
I won't even survive the night

I guess this is it
This is then end
The end of us
The end of everything
Because I made a silly mistake
Aeternum vale
My love, My friend, My everything
Raven Apr 2015
There is a small voice
I always hear
Telling me to face my fears

The little voice is changing
It's turning against me
It was meant to save me
But now it will be the end of me
I need saving but no one cares
This little voice haunts my nightmares
The little voice is almost there
It has almost won.
Does anyone care?
Raven Mar 2016
Tick tick tick
Another sleepless night
Leaving me awake with thoughts
Eating away at me
Daunting me with  my mistakes
And **** ups

Eating away at my flesh
As the  time slowly
Painfully slips by
Daring me to go deep

My mind's slipping as each  minute goes by
Getting closer  and closer
To the  edge
The edge of sanity

By the end of another wasted night
My  ****** hands
Cling to the edge
A bottomless pit looming  
below
The chuckles and laughter
of the demons that haunt my mind echo around
Bouncing of the hard rocky walls


Clinging to the small hope left,
they claw and scratch at the hard ground above
Hoping
Praying
To feel the warmness of anothers hand
Slip into the dried blooded, cold hands
clinging to the edge of a free mind

Nothing...

No one

But the demons below mocking me
For being so foolish
So stupid
To believe someone would care
Someone would help

Hope crumbles away
Into the darkness
Into the nothing
And so do I
Raven Oct 2015
That's it?
You leave just like that
Quicker then lighting
You ran far away.


Am I too much to handle?
Am I too messed up?
Is my body to littered in scars for you too look at?

You promised you would never leave
And look at that
Your straight out the door
As **** gets tough


You swore you would stay
Not matter what
But look at us now
2 million miles apart
Because I was too much
Raven Apr 2015
You claimed to be a friend
But all you ever did was use me
I see that now, I see my mistake
You have pushed me to far
Causing me to lash out
Run child Run
Now the  real Big bad wolf is out.
Raven Jan 2016
Big sis, big sis
Oh where have you gone?

We were parted from the start
Joined in the middle
Then ripped apart again

All I ever wanted was my sister near
All I ever wanted was you close

You could of made it all okay
You could of made it all alright
You could of stopped this mess right from the start
You could of helped me through the pain
You could of stopped me form ruining myself

But you couldn't

Oh big sis, big sis
I really need you now

My mind is a mess
My thighs are all scarred
My calfs are too
My eyes are tired
But I don't feel a thing

Oh big sis, big sis where are you now?

You're running out of time
The noose is getting tighter
I'm only a step away from the end

Oh big sis, big sis

If we started this together then this wouldn't be the end

Big sis, big sis just know
I love you
Just know
I miss you
Raven Jul 2016
Here I am again,
writing these ****** poems
trying to find a way to get out how I feel.
But nothing really works..

I drowning in front of everyone
Who claim they care
My legs are bleeding from the pretty little marks
left from a ****** blade and a twitching hand.
Tear-stained ,puffy cheeks and mascara smuged
glossy eyes
Begging for someone to show they care

But who really does cares at the end of the day?


My mind is racing with ****** up thoughts
And merciless images of my body lying there..
Or hanging there.

****** wrist hanging over a once innocent white bath
now a pinky stained colour.
Drip drip drip
it rolls of the lifeless fingertips
Splasing the grey floor
The noise taunts my ******* mind
Begging me to run and do it

Knuckles all ******,broken
A dented, freshly painted red wall
Another impulse
caused by the anger pulsing in my veins.

But who really cares?

No one ******* knows how bad it's got
They all think it's all okay...
Now don't get me wrong
I've screamed for help,
begged like a ******* dog.
But like I said...
Who the **** really cares?

I'm drinking my life away
Clawing and carving my skin
To help the pain
I've planned it all
Just waiting for the right moment

I don't want to be saved
I don't want love
I don't believe in hope
Not anymore

So I'll sit here for now
Writing these ****** poems
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting


For the right moment to go
When no one is watching the little girl in her room
with the craved up legs and a broken smile.
She will, I will disappear into the night
Into deaths welcoming arms
Once and for all
I apologizes for how bad my 'poems' are and to be honest I'm shocked that people read them at all.
If anyone needs to talk about anything at all, I'm only a message a way.
Raven May 2015
Every waking moment  I have to live with you
Drives me insane!
Everything I do you do,
I draw
You draw
I write
You write
You are like an itch that just won't go away
This annoying background noise that followers me everywhere I go
And I hate it!
I hate you!
You take everything I am
You are trying to steal my most prized things in life!
You have a constant need to be me
You copy everything I do!
You angrier me so much that I'm like a bull seeing red
One day I'm going to kick out like an angered horse and bite
like a rabid wolf
And your my helpless prey who's had it coming for a long time.
Raven Apr 2015
I find comfort in the dark
I feel like I final belong
Hidden from the light
Hidden from the monsters
That patrol the day
I'm somewhere no one can see
Somewhere no one can hurt me
The darkness is my home
It's my shelter from reality
Raven Apr 2015
Everyday I wear the same fake face
The same smile
The same laugh
The same fake happy voice

Inside I'm dying
Inside I'm not happy
Inside is where I hid the real me
No one knows or see's who I really am
As everyday I wear a disguise.
Raven Apr 2015
Every day is the same
A fake smile
A fake laugh
A fake emotion
Every day I hid the real me
No one has ever seen the dark side of me
No one ever will
No one has ever cared
So why would they now?
Raven May 2015
My head hurts
It hurts so much
This pounding won't go away
Much like the screaming demons
Which seem to love getting me down
I may be happy for a while but that
happiness won't last forever
I'll just fall right back
Right back to the bottom
Where I belong
Raven Apr 2015
I'm so tired of being lied to!
I'm sick of having my heart ripped out!
**** LOVE
**** LIFE
**** EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT
You said you loved me but all you want is
*** or something ****** which  I refuse to give.
So what if I drink under-age? That is completely different
I thought you loved me for me!
**** every cheater or liar
People like you ruin lives!
I ******* hate you.
Raven Feb 2017
I'm giving up.
I am giving in.
My body and mind can no longer take it.
My soul has been beaten and torn into shreds,
daggers and bullets ripped through the last pureness it held.
Nothing remains in the whole it once lived in, it's just cold and empty.
Very, very empty.

I hold my head high with a deadly look in my eye,
the look that will cause you to shudder, the look which will haunt your dreams.
The look of a dead person, a hollow dead person.
With nothing left to lose.

With nothing left to lose, it means you will and can do anything.
So I know what I am becoming ,I know what will happen,
I know it will be too late to stop it if I do not do it now.
But I do not care, not anymore.

I will become the thing the ones that love me beg me to run from,
I will become the thing that once terrified me.
I will run towards it with open arms.
While they all flee...from me, I will become nothing but a blood shadow on the bathroom floor by the end of it.
Because I do not want to feel,I do not want to be me.

I have no more fight in me-
No more strength.No more will to fix what is wrong and make it right.
I am giving in.
I'm giving up.
Raven Apr 2015
Happy endings that's what everyone wants.
Fairy-tales have them so why can't we?
But this is reality not make believe.
Happy ever after doesn't exists.
Mamas and Papas lie and children foolish believe
The only ending we have is an ending in the ground
Where we are six foot down.
Raven Oct 2017
Eyes open you are there,
Eyes shut you are there,
Yet you are not truly here.

I feel your touch in the middle of the night.
Your warm hand on my cold cheek in the middle of the pouring  rain,
Yet you are not here.

Your voice echos in my head bouncing around my skull sounding as if you are here, yet it is silent nothing to be heard but the now terrifying voice of you.

Your smell catches my attention everywhere I go, it follows every step I take and no matter how far I am it is there.
Sending me back through memories I now wish did not exist.

You are a ghost that will not leave me be.
You haunt my life preventing me from being me.
I just want to forget the heart breaking things you did,
I wish to no longer flinch away from touch,
I wish I could once eat the way I used to without feeling it burning back up,
I wish to sleep for once and not be taunted,
I wish there was a way to banish you from my mind.
Like an exorcisms
But for the living.

Because I shall be forever haunted by you
By us and what we used to be.
Raven May 2016
Go have another beer,
ignore that I am here.
I'm nothing anyway....

But don't yell at me when I snap
And swipe away the bottle.
Don't get pissy with me when I leave!

Don't be a ******* hypocrite
when I drink  my life away
because you pushed me too far.
You do it so why can't I?

I'm not your punching bag
So stop taking it out on me,
it's not always my fault
So stop treating me like ****.

Stop expecting me to drop everything,
my thoughts aren't meant to be just about you.
Get over the fact I have male friends!
I'm not your ******* property!

You expect so much yet you never give back
You may give gifts but that's not what I want

I'm tired
Exhausted
We just go around in circles
You just end up drinking or going out
I ended up crying and saying sorry....

But it's not just my fault
And you can't see that
I can't try no more
I can't keep saying sorry

So just go have another beer,
You just go drink your problems away
But if I'm not here when you come back
Don't complain
Raven Oct 2015
**** **** ****
I can't take this anymore
Even when you aren't here you hurt me
You're ghost that won't rest
A demon that can't be beaten


You're a reason I can't trust
Or love the way I used to
You aren't even here yet
you punish me for things I never did.

Yet today you appear
Out from the darkness
Despite my efforts to run and hide
You find me
You destroy me
You just want to see me cry
You want to see me dead!


Fine
If that's what you want
I'll do it
Raven May 2019
I love you
I love your smile,
I love your laugh,
Your crazy hair, your wild eyes.

I love the way the room shines to me when you appear
To me you are everything.

But you have a secret...
Dark, hidden disguised by the things I love.
You hold a love for something prevented and wrong
A secret not made for my ears.

But I love you
But is it wrong to love a monster that can look at such things
Such things that make my stomach churn and watery eyes leak.
I love you but not your hidden mind filled with things I wish I knew not
Raven Dec 2015
Skin to skin
Chest to chest
Our hearts racing
Ready to burst

Gasping for breath as
We lose ourselves
In each other

Sparks zip across my body as you
leave sweet kiss along my neck

Eyelids fluttering as you pull me close
Daring you to go further
Teasing you on
Craving your touch

You're the light to my darkness
My knight in shining armor

You lower yourself upon me as you whisper

I love you

My demons shatter
The darkness fades
The hole in my chest final filling

I whisper back
I love you too
Raven Sep 2016
Before I met you I thought happy ever afters
where just a myth.
A silly tale to hush the small ones
to give  pointless hope.

That was until I met you.

The day you walked in
I began to hope pointlessly.
To dream, dreams that will never happen.

My messy mind began to be cleaned
My hollow chest began to fill
No more tear stained cheeks and blood stained sheets.
My heart would jump at your smell
My mind calmed when you pulled me to your chest.
That was when I met you.

But now I know the truth.
Happy ever after does not exist.
You left me in a heart beat as stuff got rough.
We had been through worse,
but this time I wasn't enough.

You claimed I'd not loved you enough
Or that you were no longer enough.
That I found someone else.
There was no one else.
My heart had been broken
You saved it until that night
You murdered it

I wish I had died the last time I laid in your arms.
Because we will never make another memory
Raven Apr 2015
I'm not the person you think I am
I'm dark and ****** up
My head is a prison
My heart has died
I'm not alive
I've always been dead
Raven May 2015
My heads a mess
My heart is torn
You think you can fix me
Your only going to be pricked by a thorn
I'm a mistake that should of never been born
Yet somehow was.
You keep feeding yourself lies to make it feel like
it's worth fighting for me
when you should just turn away and forget
It would save you so much pain and your head wouldn't pound
Your wasting your time just leave it be.
I love you but we can never really be
As I can't be here for much longer
I  can't be fixed nor shall I believe anything you may say.
I'm sorry for causing you such a mess
Just leave now it would be better for you
And stop you from going insane
Raven Apr 2017
I once roamed the night sky with my hopefully baby blue eyes.
Now I stare at a dark, ceiling with hollow empty eyes.

I'd laugh so hard headaches marched in and my eyes watered with love, now tears burn my red cheeks with migraines causing storms.
I once danced so hard my feet ached for days now I can barely move from this dusty creaky chair hid away in this cluttered room.
I could sing for days with a bold smile on my face, my voice is now only filled with empty pain or vicious rage.

My dreams were full of delight and impossible wishes,
Nightmares filled their place with pain and death
I used to be as graceful and calm as a doe
Now I m frantic and fearful like cornered orphaned cub who watched her mother die.

My lungs used to fill with crisp clean air, now poison creeps into the darkest corners
Cool, clear water refreshed my lips now I sip stale beer destroying my liver each time without a care
The world was my play pit but now I am trapped inside these four walls ,which hold echos of who I used to be, they are now slowly closing in on me.

I am paying the world back for all the things I did not do.
I am trapped, there is no tunnel, no white, no door ,no way out.
I have been embraced by the pain, engulfed in madness and submerged by anger.

I once was loved, I once had a family
This house was once a home filled with laughter it now taunts me with the shadows of the past.
Raven Aug 2019
It doesn't feel real
Life flickering by
A overly excited candle flame eager to burn unaware of the pending darkness coming to sallow every inch of its beautiful light

It still doesn't feel real
The boy in my nightmares don't look like you but  feels like you the same hands pining and pulling, chaining me to you forever
forever your victim
Same scent smothering me as I am begging for it to end

It will never feel real
There is no surviving it  
In the middle of the night you will feel his cold hands creeping around your waist slipping underneath you
Leaving ghostly bruises
Squeezing eyes shut reminding yourself he is not here

You are safe
But he is
He's in your mind
He made his home out of fear and insecurities  
Windows made from your tears
Walls from the bruises kissing your skin
You are his home now

There is no life after this
No white ******* knight
No *******  hero
No ******* sweet boy or girl
that will come and build you back up.





To make you whole again
Raven Apr 2015
Everyday you said the same
I love you babe
You are the one for me
But in reality it was just lies
You made up excuses all the time
You had to ring me first
Because otherwise you don't have time
I could tell someone else was on your mind
Even when I was there.

I gave you my heart Which you treated badly
You ripped it up, stomped on it and left it lying
on the ***** ground.
You put me through hell
You messed me up good
Now it's time for me to get
A little pay back
To ******* up the way you did me
But once I'm through with you
You shall wish you were never born.
Raven Nov 2015
My heart is carving in
My mind is breaking
My very soul is being ripped apart.

I'm spinning in an endless spiral
Of pain and misery
But then you appeared
And held me through the night
Whispered me stories
And sung me lullaby
You fought away the monsters who stole my dreams
Who stole my childhood
Who stole my life

But you vanished into the night
Without a trace
A sound
A word
You left me to fall back into destruction
Into the dark
Into the cold welcoming arms
Of death
Raven Apr 2015
Why?
Why do you try to save me from drowning?
When you know I will just sink again.
It's time you stop trying
It's time to let me go
I don't want to be here any more
So please stop making me cough up the pills
Please stop trying to heal my wounds.
They will just re-open
Just let me go
Let me be free
It's for the best
Now don't you worry
You don't need me
Raven Apr 2015
Lies,lies,lies
They are everywhere
No matter where you are
They will always be there
You can never get away
They will haunt you forever
Although some say they
Never lie
That is a lie itself
Because everyone lies
No matter who  or what they are
Lies rule this world not humans
Everything is made up of them
Raven Jul 2015
Everyday without you
Kills me  a lit bit more each day
A part of me is missing
And I don't know if it will ever come back
I miss you like crazy
You were my candle light in the darkness
You held my hand though the tough times
But now you've disappeared
My light is gone
I have no hand to hold
I'm left scared in the darkness
I don't know If I'll see you again
But I know if I do
I will never let you go
You mean everything to me
Raven Feb 2016
The liquor fills the hole
Taking the pain away
Hiding it for a while
But
The pound begins as the sun creeps in

Eyes squinting at the burning, innocent light
Rolling over with a mumble and a groan
Staring at the pure clean ceiling
So opposite from my dark dark life.

The bottles are pilling up
Each one emptier then the last,
The demons drip back through as
The sweet sweet liquor wears off.
The aching begins as the moonlight ends

Forcing myself to get up and go
Is so much harder then before
Reaching for my bedside draw
Scooping up the pure white pills
just to take away some of the pain
Is now a daily thing


The liquor is running out
Bottles laying on the floor
Each one emptier than the last
The memories rush back as the sunlight begins

Hands rubbing temples
Trying to erase some pain
Craving another drop
Just to fill me inside
Even just for a small time

The Liquors all gone
The aching got worse
How can I go on without my
sweet sweet pain taker?

Eyes so raw
So sore
As clear drops fall,
Cheeks red with small watery tracks
dashing down

It's too late to try and stop...
Raven Apr 2015
The pale moon shined upon the
black fur
Her  forever changing blue eyes
shone out from the dark
As the animal ran to the edge
Ran away from danger
Away  from judgement
Ran to freedom
To peaceful loneliness
But the small wolf
Longed for something
That she did not know
She thought she wanted
something
someone
But was highly mistaken
She didn't want them but another
Instead of telling her dear sweet friend
Who had fallen for her trap
She fled into the dark
Fled into the mist
Fled from the pain
and into the arms of the night
Raven Apr 2015
Sitting in the corner is a small shadow
From time to time little black wings emerge from the figure
You swear you have seen it
But no one can see it
People think your crazy
And you being to believe it

The Little shadow comes to you at night
Holding you tight
Promising to be your
Little  Angel
Until it's your turn to become
A Little Broken Angel
Raven Nov 2015
Broken
Cracked and Shattered
Scarred
Ripped and Burnt

Heavy heart
Messy mind
Why are all this things mine?
Hollow chest
Numb to everything
Did it all switch off? Or just run away?

Loneliness holds me in its welcoming arms
Saying hello my dear friend are you back again?
And with a knowing glint in his eyes
Loneliness knows I'm alone inside

He holds me in his arms and chuckles as I cry
Shaking his end
Saying he told me so
Told me they all would  go
One way or another
I'd come back
Into the welcoming arms of my old friend
Lonely
Raven Apr 2015
In the middle of the night
I long for your touch
I long for your presence
I long for you
But I know I can no longer have you
I can no longer  feel you
I can no longer need nor want you
But it's so hard not to want something that cause so much happiness
But you caused so much pain too
Caused me to slip back under but you pulled me back again
It was like a game of push and pull
But in the end I got hurt
While you left untouched of pain or a single tear
Unlike I who still cries  for you to be by my side
For you to love me again
Raven Dec 2015
My heart maybe be beating
But my blood isn't pumping
My lungs maybe be working
But I'm  suffocating

I'm drowning in my own  worthlessness  and patheticness
Clawing at my skin, ripping it away
It's the only thing I feel apart from
This numbness and pain
I'm spiraling out of control

Going backward instead of forward
My life crumbling around me
As everyone watches me drown
In the dark depths of my mind
I'm screaming out for help
Yet no one seems to here a sound

My eyes maybe open
But they can't see anything but the darkness of the world
My legs maybe be working
But the ache with pain

Just because I'm still alive doesn't mean I'm living
Raven Apr 2015
Eyes closed
Mouths shut
Sweetly sleeping
Birds tweeting
Everything seems peaceful
Hushed children still sleeping
But busy parents wake
Oh what a wonderful morning
Not...
It begins a stressful day
A day of destruction
And dread
A day where some may
Cry and others flea
Although there is the
Odd three
Who shall laugh at the fools
In the early Morning
Waiting for the dreadful days start
I know it's not that good but I haven''t had coffee yet XD Yes I am addicted to it.
Raven Sep 2015
I can't do this anymore
It kills me to do this
But I have to go
I am broken beyond repair
But it's not like you care

I wasted months and years trying to do my best
But it's never enough


I'm sorry but I have to
This is the end
I really did love you
But I can't do this on my own anymore
You proved to me I didn't matter
I am unimportant
So this is goodbye
This is my end
My eyes will close and my mouth will shut
I will never see the sunrise or
feel the coldness of the wind on face

This is it.
This is my end
Raven Jul 2015
It kills me every time I think about you.
Every single second without  you
feels like I can't breath
You were my life support
but now your gone
And without you here keeping me
alive,
I'll fall back into my deep dark well
never to surface until
I final let go
And come find you in
The shadows
Steve I miss you like crazy, please be okay.
Raven Apr 2015
I have this numbness
Inside my chest
It never goes,
It's has always been there
You think you can cure it
But there is no cure for it.
Stop fooling yourself
Leave me with my numbing agony
Raven Apr 2015
There is this thing about me,
That only a few people know
You see I can't feel a thing
It's like I'm a living zombie
But somehow I'm still here
No emotion will be felt
I'm being swallowed by blackness and it's turning me cold
It's numbing my senses....
Is there anyone there to keep me warm?
Raven May 2016
Numb.
Empty.
Hollow.
I no longer feel a thing.
No love, no pain, no happiness.
No feeling left from before,
I've become a black hole and I'm just draining those around me.
******* the good out of them all, until they become like me.
Bottomless pits of anger and rage.
Were they hurt those they care about
and push everyone away.
Until no one is left to say
"I care"
Or
" It will all be okay one day"

Numb, empty, hollow.
I no longer feel a thing
I could of been helped
Instead I was shoved away
Now I'm just a raging monster
Ripping myself away and tearing others apart.
Raven Jan 2016
One cut
Two cut
That's never enough
Three cut
Four cut
That's more like it
But maybe a few more
Would help

Cold, salty droplets
Mixing with the metallic red river
Flowing down my arms

It only stings for bit
Calming me
Easing me
Even just for a bit

But it's never enough
I have to go deep
I have to make another river flow
I crave the pain
I crave the numbness after
I crave the feeling of the river running
down my arms
Raven Sep 2015
Shove, Push
Punch, Kick
I don't know when to stop
I have no control
I don't know how to do anything
Over and over again I do it
I push you all away
And then wish someone would come and save me
But not anymore I've changed
I'll push you away
And I'll never come back
I can't keep doing this, it kills me to see
You all okay and without me there
But at the end of the day
I didn't want you there
Run
Raven Apr 2015
Run
Run
Run away with me
Run into the welcoming darkness
Who has arms wide open
Run to the wild creatures
Who appear scary with big snarling teeth
But will make you giggle and laugh with glee
Take my warm hand
And run under the gaze of the bright stars lighting up the night
Let the moon watch and smile has she as guides us to freedom
Come with me
Come to were us monsters dance with the wolves
Come run with wind in your hair
Come and **** the world
You can only limit what you do
Let the world watch in awe
As you be you
As your free and has escaped
The burden of fitting in
Join the wolf pack
And do as you please.
Raven Apr 2015
There is this little doll
Who get's used by everyone
then thrown away
She just wishes someone will stay
But no one wants a damaged doll
Her life doesn't seem worth it
So she wishes it away
One day this little doll
Will never feel the sun on her face
As the last thing she will feel
Is the sharpness of a razor blade
Raven Apr 2015
The Angels shall fall
When the sun disappears
The Devil will appear
Holding out a guiding hand
Those you least trust shall
Become the trusted
As the trusted will
Desert you in your time
Of need.
The Devil may appear evil
But remember he once was Gods
Favourite until he fell...
Raven Apr 2015
There is this thing inside me,
It claws and scratches trying to get out.
It taunts me everyday telling me how
Worthless I am,
Telling me  to accept it and let it take over.
I used to fight it
But now I'm slowly giving up.
The monster inside is coming out to play
You better hide before it's to late...
Raven Apr 2015
It started as warning, which turned to threats.
A threat, a threat which was fulfilled
He didn't want anyone close to her
Scared them all away

For her she was panicked, unsure of what to say.
He hid in the shadows never spoke to her
But protected her in his own way  

She final bucked up courage and asked "What do you want from me?"
Only to receive a long poem which made her heartache
Her  protector vanished  and her heart broke.
She fell for the mysterious guy who tried saving her heart
Now she weeps heart set on finding
Her mysterious protector
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