Your not dead,
But it feels like you are.

I'll scroll past a stranger on the internet,
But I know their soul,
The hurt in their life,
The people they like,
The life they live,
Their favourite food,
Song,
Artist,
Their favourites

How do you know a person,
And they’re still strangers?

Your not dead,
But your memory fades,
And the laughter from us on the couch,
Irking eachother and eating icecream.
The sound of our home,
Full of giggles and smiles.
The family I yearned for.
The care I yearned for.

Who will make me giggle when I cry?
And listen to my worthless words?
To indulge my every whim,
And cook me food when i'm hungry,

Who will take care of you,
Make sure your healthy,
And bother you,
Borrowing something from your room every day,
Sitting on your bed and telling each other about our day,
Who we hate
Who we love
Who we judge

You live,
But not in my world
Your walking around somewhere,
Content with your new life,
I hope you are.
But i'm not.
I smell your smells and think of you,
I listen to your songs
I play your games
And think of then.

Where did they go?
Where did you go?
Why did you have to go?

“What do you see in him?”
Everything you’re too blind to see,
Too foolish to know

I see everything in him,
An everything only I get to see.
I see everything.

“What do you see in him?”
Everything you don’t see.

The stars in his eyes,
The warmth of the sun in his touch,
The world is him.

And it is the only world I'll ever need.
I see in him,
What you don’t

Can you remember who you were,
Before the world told you who you are.

Before all the whispers turned to screams,
In your own mind.

Who were you?
Before everything changed you,
Before you “fixed yourself”

You’re mother will say
“Where did my darling go?
The one with the heart to big for her body,
The one whose purity was that of gold,
The one who’s justice was louder than doubt,
The one who had no doubt
The one who always loved,
The one who always forgave,
The one who bore like the sun.”

And you will be confused,
Because all you were,
Is what you are now.
Confused,
Broken,
Hurt,
And changed.

A hypocrite,
For you’ve always hated change.
For you’ve always hated hypocrites

I tried **** myself,
Not with a rope
Not with a knife,
Not my body.

I tried to **** my soul,
Not entirely I
But my mind
Convincing and hounding,
With logic

And I could feel it,
Screaming,
Gasping,
Tears.
I felt as each fiber began to shred,
Bleeding with my sanity.

Each tear, holding a shred of my soul,
Each piece tiny,
But huge.

I tried to **** myself,
On the 6th of april.
And i would have succeeded,
If not for the sun calling me
Beckoning me,
Loving me.
Just like its warmth promised.

And I could see my stars
Twinkling for another,
And that,
Saved my soul.

My stars fell,
But my sun saved them.

You’re not here,
Sitting on the bed with me,
Taking your hit and yapping.

But the air still hums,
Like you just left.
And i’m laughing again,
Complaining about something,
You made a joke.

And I have a reassurance in the back of my mind,
Saying,
“You're safe with this, its forever”
But it isn’t.
It feels like it will never change,

But it does,
Having to leave,
And no one told the air,
To forget about you.

The only thing fair in life is death,
It comes for everyone,
Young or old,
Good or Evil,
Beautiful or unsightly.

It doesn’t discriminate,
It’s not plagued by the modernity of society,
It is just,
And unbiased.
It doesn’t care who you are,
Or what you are.

Everything created,
Must be destroyed,
And what destroys better than death?

I’ve shown my body,
More times than I've gotten flowers.
What's crazy is,
I love flowers
And hate my body.

But you don’t,
You love my body.
It’s what pulled you in,
What made you even want me.

Not me,
Not the way I spill my dreams at midnight,
Not the way I trace constellations on fogged-up windows,
Not the sparkle in my eyes,
Not my heart.

Just the skin,
Just the shape,
Just something to hold,
Just something interesting.
Just something to ****

You may worship me,
You may make me favour my body,
You may treat me right,
And you may “love” me now.

But the beginning is just the same
And if I were to lose any charm or,
God forbid my looks.
You’d leave and never come back.

I hate my body
And yet,
I still wait for flowers.