Too many questions too many doubts. Desperate of being loved is what my heart shouts

I gave you my trust,  I gave it with lust. But you said commitment is not always a must.

You walked out the door,  left me lying on the floor. Then I remembered when you said you love me before.

I looked into your face and felt like my world turned into a maze.  You gave me your last gaze and left me confused and dazed

It gives you peace yet causes chaos
it makes you trust yet lets you doubt
it makes you strong yet weakens your soul
it makes you proud yet lets you regret.

It makes people fight but eventually let go
it makes people unite but causes them sorrow
it makes people humble but it makes them boast
It makes people forgive but ends up hating  most

It makes you learn but hurts you in return
it makes you feel but lets your heart burn
it makes you dream but leaves you nightmares
it makes you joyful but leaves you broken

I have made mistakes in the past
I have been broken
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was forgiven

I was desperate for love
Been desperately giving myself away
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I told you too many lies
Even While looking at your eyes
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I told you I cannot trust
To them it was nothing but lust
I thought you are ready to leave
Yet I was still forgiven

I didn't believe that you love me
Yet I was still forgiven
I'll be nothing but a misery
Yet I'll still be forgiven

It's been 2 years since you said goodbye
I still remember how I last touched your hand
like it's my most prized possession
and how I looked into your eyes like it was the reason I'm breathing

been dreaming almost everyday that you'll soon change your mind
Let our bodies touch and intertwine
Tell me you love me not only everyday but for the rest of your life
but that was nothing but a dream.

I still think about you and I've been missing you everyday
I miss us and how happy I was
Please comeback and love me again
Please don't let me remain forsaken

I never thought I could
I never thought I would
For every word I write
In my mind he is in sight

I never thought I'd begin
I even had to stop lookin'
But with every word I write
In my mind, he's still in sight

Letters enter this writing
Like how he made my life exciting
Letters become words that I write
And in my mind, he's still in sight

You may call it inspiration
Perhaps a simple poem construction
Still with every word I write
In my mind, He'll forever be in sight

Three words
I'm left clueless
Three words
My heart rushes

Three words
My lips tremble
Three words
Your mouth mumbles

Three words
I'm in love
Three words
Gift from above

Three words
What you said
Three words
This won't end

You're all mine
That's what I heard
You're all mine
Are your three words

Forgive me for I have been broken
It was never your fault but still, I'm being a burden
Forgive me for I have lost trust
It was never your fault but all I say is "Please just leave, you must"

Forgive me for I'm scared
They have always left miseries and fear in my head
Forgive me for I am weak
I have always been forsaken making me cry for weeks

Forgive me for I'm not strong
It was never your fault but I've been hurt for so long
Forgive me for I have been miserable
It was never your fault but I always think you're nothing but trouble

Forgive me for I ended up Losing
It was always my fault and I no longer believe in the idea of forgiving
Forgive me for I have loved
Forgive me if I have loved

A minute till 5
I woke up from a dream
Clock strikes 5
Can't get enough of him

An hour till 6
The sun will shine
An hour till 6
he is forever mine

2 pass 5
Listening to shell suite
3 pass 5
Dancing to it's beat

2 hours till 7
You'll finally wake up
2 hours till 7
You'll ring me up

4 pass 5
You're running in my head
5 pass 5
While I'm lying in bed

3 hours till 8
You'll say "i love you"
3 hours till 8
Like a rainbow of hue

If only there is someone out there
Who can ease the pain i can no longer bare
Someone who sticks around in times of need
Someone who listens to my cry and plead

I've been struggling to do what makes me happy
Got stuck in this black room all silent and empty
I don't even need anyone to feel a sense of pity
Just someone who can wrap their arms around me

But there is this someone who's been keeping me company
He's the reason of all this pain and suffering
He whispers words into my ears
That no one ever loves me leaving me in tears.

I wanted him out and its what my heart shouts
He keeps controlling me like he's holding my mouth
My chest keeps pounding and I'm short of breath
Just a sad thought already feels like death

I'm not really the kind of person that falls in love with things
I'm not materialistic
Such things aren't permanent anyway

But what makes me fall in love with things are the memories it contains
the things you remember just by looking at it.
the happy moments you experience with it

Like how we spend time together on that little mattress
how we exchange ideas
how intimate we become while we lay side to side.

I fell in love with how we look at each other.
how comfortable I felt laying on your chest-on that bed
How relaxed we are while we listen to the song called Ocean
How I touched the sheets while we kiss passionately.

That mattress is our happy place.
It's a thing people use to sleep and rest but we end up staying awake all night talking about photography, music and the future
To me, It's our little world.

I also remembered how fascinated you are in the idea of sailing
I imagine the mattress is our little ship and you're the captain.
I would love to sail with you in this ocean called life

Let this thing reminds us of how in love we are
Let it be our fortress.
I may have a life of my own but at the end of the day,
I'd still choose to lie next to you on that mattress

You asked me to write
Something you think I might
I suddenly felt a little bit of fright
For this writer's block I have to fight.

As I put words into this piece
I looked at you with a feeling of peace
Cause after we finished our little feast
You asked me to write a short one at least

It's taking me forever to finish
For I have no idea what to make
You asked me to write this poem
When all I want is to just go home