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Lance Oct 2020
I see the way you look at him..
Wishing you'd look that way
With me...

I see the way you smile at him...
Wishing that smile
Would come and fall in me...

I see the way you laugh with him
Wishing I could pull jokes
You could laugh to...

I see the way you'd choose him...
Wishing you'd do the same
And choose me too...
Never the Jealous type nor the person to create attention but apparently the people I fall for are the ones always being the center of someone's fantasy... Never realizing I can never be what they want...
Lance Sep 2020
I was never the jealous one
But actions  proved me wrong
When I placed passion into it
Another can master without effort

When I put heart into it
Another can make it perfect.
It was daunting
at the same time humiliating

I was happy for them at first
Then slowly Happiness made it better
It festered, matured
Like a tumor slowly killing

I felt hatred, Sadness and disappointment
For the things I could never perfect
yet another can master.
I was down, drowning and dissatisfied with myself.

I was never the Jealous one
But actions proved me wrong
Approval for the other
and utter disappointment in me..
I wasn't the grade A student in my family. But having sisters who were proved to be a challenge. Especially when they excelled in everything.. I grew jealous, but never spiteful of them for they were always praised for things I once did but they made better. I only wanted approval and the sense of pride.. But was never given any..
Lance Jun 2020
3 Sentences
3 things I wanted to hear
3 things and Ill never feel despair

"I am proud of you"
"You were never a disappointment"
"You made us happy"

That's all I wanted to hear
For me to be able to bear
And live without fear

And yet
I lost a bet
And gave up the hope

You were never proud
You were a disappointment
and never made us happy

Was all I heard..
Family was always the choice of topic for me.. It brought out a lot of things I need to remove from my memory and one of the things that constantly reminds me of them is this.. They were never appreciative of the efforts thats why I decided to cut them out.
Lance May 2020
Black Sheep,Black Sheep
Fade away
Black Sheep, Black Sheep
Go Away

Always living A lie
Many wanting you to die
Yet always crawling to survive
Despite never wanted to be alive

Wishing to take part
But being torn Apart
Black Sheep among the white
Always getting the Bite

Why walk
When always given the talk
Why continue on
When only wanted to be gone

Black Sheep, Black Sheep
Stay away
Black Sheep, Black Sheep
Never stay
I have always felt left out by my family, always the odd one out, the outcast or the person always yelled at. I try to fight but I always end up short. And that's when they told me they never wished me to be here anyway. And I knew I was the black sheep among the white. Always different. Always left alone.
Lance Apr 2020
I was given a question in the past...
"Is the person in your life right now Your true love?"
My answer?

No he wasn't my true love... nor was he a person I'd fallen head over heels for...
He was never the person I thought I choose nor was he the person I saw a future with...

But he is the person where effort and love found its place.
He is the person where my future no longer felt so uncertain...

He is the person where i found hope in life, love and willingness to stay...

He may have never been my true love...
But he will be the love, all fairy tales would get their happy endings with..
I got dumped by a person back in early 2019 and it wrecked my heart so much that i vowed love may never be for me... Fast forward to the half of 2019 when I met another person.. This person showed me that no matter what happens he would be there for me and vowed to never hurt me.. It took some time to open up but in time I fell for him and finally let him into my life... And I continue to cherish till the end of time...
Lance Apr 2020
You were the person who loved me as I am
Took care of me
When I was broken
Too many times to count

As time fasts forward
Slowly you pull away
Confidence settles in where caution once was
And where comfort was sadness returns..
We love someone not because of the perfections they have... But for what imperfections we wish we could change.. As we fix each one. We tend to forget that the person can still need so much comfort from you... But you slowly forget and pull away.
Lance Jul 2019
May you never experience the loss a mother's love
May you never feel isolated and left alone in this world
For you are loved and cared for.
May you never feel as though the world is pinning you to the ground
Wishing you would die.

May you never feel the darkness consume the last bit of light in you
May you never need to hurt yourself to feel less of tearful ache
May you find the happiness you deserve
And may you find the love that will finally put you at ease..
To the lost and to the people struggling
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