853

When One has given up One’s life
The parting with the rest
Feels easy, as when Day lets go
Entirely the West

The Peaks, that lingered last
Remain in Her regret
As scarcely as the Iodine
Upon the Cataract.

I cry because
I know I am lost
and all alone in
the world, my tears
are not emerald
blue or silky skies but
endless rivers of
trailing ink and
bitter blood because
the world filled me
with regret and remorse
stripped down my
pride and my name
my self esteem and
my love shredded
and hope for a
brighter day no more,
but sometimes I
can't help but smile
let loose a trail of
laughter slip from
my lips and let
the corners of my
eyes wrinkle with delight
because I can't help
but want to be happy
I just want to let
those in the world
know, do not mistake
any form of happiness
that escape from me
as true contentedness
or well being because
there is no way to live
life without a smile,
but there is a way
to live life smiling
amidst the eternal tears.

take care of your heart
to where it would beat
at the right person
it'll choose
in a right moment of time.

i don't like myself
the way i look, the way i think
the way i was made,
i don't like it.
i wish i wasn't lazy
so i could make this poem more appealing
i wish i could conjure metaphors
and poetry would come bursting naturally out of me.
i wish i could reach that cupboard
without standing on my toes.
i wish i could be one with my words
and i could write about the way i feel.
i wish i wasn't so dependent
on people's praises
and i wish that statistics wasn't my only form of self-validation.
i'm always waiting for the day
where i'll wake up living the life
i dreamed about last night.
i wish my body was just like theirs
you can say that my body is unique
but i don't care
i don't want unique, i want pretty.
i wish i could pull a poker-face
without being self-conscious of what i look like.
i wish i could walk without
thinking that i was the center of the universe
that all eyes are cameras pointed at me
waiting for me to stumble & fall.
i wish i didn't have to delete
the past attempts of composing this poem again and again.
i wish the voices in my head isn't my lullaby and my alarm clock.
i wish i didn't fear falling down the reject hole
i wish art would radiate outside my skin
i wish i don't beat myself
for every time i restart this poem
and i hope after this last line,
i never have to.