The hardest part about everything
is everything is so hard

Back to front it envelopes,
I don't  know just where it starts

I’m not loathsome, I’m lonesome
but the feelings not far apart

My compass pulls me North,
does your heart feel mine reaching out

Like the prints on my tips,
is your kiss on my lips

Forever feeling the lack of you,
the absence lingers heavy in the air

Do you think of your thoughts,
or are they just drifting?
Sifting, idly roaming
your mind.
Paying no mind
to the time,
or purpose, of thought.
With no focus or drive,
are you even present enough
to wonder why?

When you look in the mirror
Which you do you see?
Every second, every day
you are a new you
every single possible, and actual, possibility
when you define yourself to one of your yous
you trap yourself by limits
when you tell the world who you are
you don't let yourself be a new you
you tie yourself to what who you claim to be

I am me
each second, each day
I decide what that means.

Has my skin turned into chainmail,
Or am I just heavy with missing you

My hands shake, how could they not
without you to hold them steady

Has my heart turned into a ghost,
Or did it just sneak off to be with you

My mind wanders, how could it not
without your heart to be my North Star

When,

Silence is music to your eyes,
Stillness to your ears tastes just right.

When,

The tick of the clock jumps through the souls of your hearts feet,
All times beat at once.

When,

Done and to dos dance on your list
The cadence of the pen of life checks.

When,

Your feet lie and your tongue runs,
Eyes run round and toes blink across the ground.

When?

Let me hold onto you
Not like a leash
Chaining you to the ground
But a kite string
Helping you learn to fly

I think therefore I am? Does that mean I am what I think?
Can’t I practice what I preach
or must I be bound to the thoughts
that produce themselves
show unwelcome
with no signs of departing
leaving me heaving and seething
that is not who I am
I am who I want to be
who I decide to be
so how do I explain what I have become
is this really me?
Sad and lonely and scared to be free
maybe for a moment
but I’m on my way
to my self

I wanted numb
I wanted to be a certain thing
I wanted to release myself to the wave of the world
I wanted to be taken away and washed on shore

But I don't want to feel nothing
I can that feel with the rawest sting
The burn of life pulses through my bones and prickles at my skin

You can pour water on me to put me out,
I will sizzle and smoke and rise higher and more fiercely
Laughing as I look you in the eye.

I used to think with my eyes downcast even when closed.
Behind a wall, shielding me,
protecting me from having to follow my dreams

Of the boredom that comes with passionately saying, ‘this is what I love!’
Because, how tedious is it to commit to your dreams?
How boring to practice and practice and practice and practice.

Just saying the word,  practice feels like practice for something.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Practice..

It’s uncomfortable
It is off-putting
Too many words, and the flow is all of.

It’s. Not. The. Right. Rhythm.
or.the.right.feel,
esmegnsiht osklo gnorw.

So, I’d rather go numbly through life
biding my life by
till someone does it for me?

No one is going to tell me who I am.
No one is going to know my thoughts,
or hear my voice,

Unless or until I open my mouth and tell them.
Every thought I think is a statement
So every move I make must matter.

My voice is my strength and my gift
It should be weird that people don’t know that about me.
I am not the timid voice with roaring inner thoughts kept to myself.

How can other people know me for how I know me
if I don’t tell them who I am.

So here it goes.
This is who I am.
This is what  I will fight for.

The discovery of self.
The belief in self.

The belief in my dreams.
The discovery of my dreams.

You tried to burn me down
I tried to burn you down

Instead of charcoal
We became a crackle

We tried to burn it down
but we lit each other up

Our hearts became kindling
Melded together, fed the fire

Our breaths tried to blow it out
Swirling together, stoking the embers

We tried to be just a flame
We became a bonfire.

they always say
you fall in love
fall
like a quick painful accident
or a long free for all plummeting down with no end in sight

thats not how I'd say it
not how I think our love was made to be
we were made to rise up
not fall down

we're not falling, we're flying
we're soaring
our love is the eagles feathers flying on the sunrise
the gust of wind not from the weather
but our own beating heart wings
The hot and powerful gusts of air with each pulse

I don’t feel lost to a downward spiral
I feel compelled to reach forward
eyes wide open, glimmering with the smirk of love
love swallowed us whole
longing to ingest us

but instead we became love
we digested it
we are it
we are the love that is in every fiber
and atom
and minuscule fragment of being between us

you may be there and I may be here
but where I am you are
and you're not there, I’m here
so together in the flesh simply means
to be you and me

When you want to speak, but cant find the words
When you can feel them in your mouth,  but can’t spit them out
You can see them just as much as you can’t
It’s all right there but completely gone
Can you feel the ghost on your tongue
Simultaneously in the palm of your hand, and just out of reach.
Close your eyes, can you see it more clearly
Can you open yourself and just let it come in
Or do you need to double down and search
Can you realize you're lost without knowing you’re unfound
Weigh down forever like a shadow that laughs at light, unafraid
Open your eyes and unclench your jaw

How can  you see without looking?
How can you answer what hasn't been asked?

When a minute takes an hour
Does that hour spend the minute?

Sixty seconds, all life long
But gone in the blink of an instant.

Do you tip toe through times, of thoughts,
Wishing for some connection.

Clinging to the door frames,
dividing time and space.

One half here and one halfway back
you’re stretched in each direction.

Memories will swirl you up,
they’ll hurl you right where you want to be.

You skip from star to star,
Feet flat stones to the surface.

Grazing gently through your mind,
Reverie for misdirection.

Lost between the realms
of what ifs to be, and had beens that are.

Infinity floating undertow,
And reality flying in the wind.

How can you  be lost,
when you know exactly where you are?

Do you stand as so it seems,
whats off, or can you tell?

Your mind stands to congregate,
and your body holds the floor.

Hand and feet move free, and do,
while mouth and eyes have fun.

Lungs gulp down its sweet drink,
skin blushing by it’s warmth.

Epitome of life lived true,
yet something seems slight off tune.

Are your puzzle pieces all intact
Or is there one left, lonely, maroon?

It seems as though love’s left its cage
Each beat in search of you.