I am in a mental state where I feel as if I am constantly drowning.
My life doesn’t seem to be going straight but constantly rounding
In circles with problems that continue to keep happening
It’s like my guardian angle is just sitting there pointing and laughing
I can’t catch a break for it’s just constant destruction
Demolition day needs to be over and my goals no longer under construction
Every time I move forward I am thrown back five steps back
I don’t know where to go from here all I know is  I’m not ready for what’s next
Good, bad, or indifferent it doesn’t really matter
For whatever happens next I will watch it be shattered
My life is a nightmare that I can’t wake up from
this will continue to be my life for the years to come

Is it just me or maybe it’s that I am just a different breed
For there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do when it comes to my seed
I would walk the distance just to be able to put food on the table
I go by many different names but bad father isn’t one of those labels
I don’t understand how parents are ok with just getting by
Because I would do anything for my kids to touch the sky
Maybe I’m wrong and maybe they are doing all that they can
But perception is reality so you have to understand,
Where I am coming from for Im not trying to be the bad guy
I am just asking the questions that we all want to know; why?
Why is it that you have enough money for your drugs
While your children’s stomach is the only thing they’ll hug
These children are walking around with holes in their shoes
All while every Friday night your cabinets are stocked with *****
Isn’t it annoying to see all these dead beat
dads
But dead beat mothers isn’t a conversation to be had
Doing more than what we are doing for our children is my only wish
Because they are the victims here for they didn’t ask for any of this

Look at what we went through just to become strangers again
It’s no longer “honey how was your day” but rather how’ve you been
There is no longer an us there is just a you and a me
We had drifted so far a part from the happiness that used to be
it hurt me for a while and even now but only hurts less
For how miserably we failed when our love was put to the test
Maybe we stayed too long at our paths intersection
Where we once believed our life was headed in the same direction
I won’t lie to you by telling you I haven’t thought about you now and then
And all that we went through just to become strangers once again

Oh old friend you have been gone for too long
I can’t even tell you how many times I replayed that sad song
So much has changed but I am still a sucker for love
Only now I see love through the eyes of a raven no longer a dove
I no longer run from pain I embrace it with ease
I have grown to the feeling knowing that it will never leave
My eyes and my heart only sees darkness never again the light
It’s actually pretty comforting seeing each day as if it is night
This dark vision on life really isn’t as bad as it seems
Finding peace in my own death every night in my dreams
Can’t wait to see what this new vision on life can really do
And everything that happens next is all thanks to you
Here’s to the return of an old friend who’s been gone for far too long
And to no longer listening too but rather becoming somebody else’s sad song

How is it that you can be so close yet still so far
you were to be my moon but you’re just another star
I’ve done and said all that I can
It’s seems as if things haven’t gone as plan
Well at least for me but clearly different for you
For you’ve done the opposite of what you said you’ll do
You said that you’ll love me but that was a lie
Only continue to hurt me but still I try
To love something that is apparently broken
But these words to you will be the last that is spoken
Even though I don’t want to I have to let you go
For I have given you every chance just to let me know
Something, anything that I am where your hearts at
While you continue to use mine as a walk in door mat
So you’ve had your chance maybe the next love that I create
Will appreciate all that I have to offer and thank you for your biggest mistake