On our way into
Santa Anita one day,
an old man had tipped
over in his wheelchair.
There was a pool of blood
beneath his smooth head.
I was with my Dad.
He was around the same
age as the poor injured man.
I was 12.

Seeing that man, and watching
the blank stares of the apathetic
crowd gathering around the
man, and the blood, and the
fallen wheelchair, I knew that
nobody would win, and the
horses that ran were the luckiest
of us all.

Sometimes i can put on a mask keep it together. No need for an umbrella its just a little weather.
Meanwhile inside my brain its a cat 4 and i am holding on. But the storm is raging and my stability is almost gone.
100 miles an hour another gust and i am done. Down on my knees no where left to run.
My heart beat so loud a thrumming in my ears it’s deafening to me but no one else hears.
Lost in this headspace the mask is what wins completely i retreat to that space within.
Dont want to lose myself but theres no fighting this storm, just dont drown, hold out, feel, wait transform.
The light will fight push back the clouds and silence the voices screaming so loud.
It will warm me and mend the heartache
Keep holding on though you break.
The light will win dispel this storm, but in the pain and pressure i will transform.
Grow stronger and softer both together. What once was heavy now light as a feather.
What seeks to destroy erase me in full only makes me more alive more real in its push and pull.

i woke up in the blues,
sat on the only chair in the dark room.

put on my torn shirt, worn shoes,

I wished upon a tumbling star

and down the steps, out the
front door
I went.

the puddles electric shimmer neon.

a robin dances fragile and free.
(I tip my hat, ah, what the hell.
I wish the robbin well.)

old man Bennett sitting on a park bench
in the rain
feeding pigeons.

how are you? I ask.

he sighs, ah, things don't get any better
don't get any worse.

he gives me a smile. (ah,
what the hell, quiet mercy,
I gift him a smile.)

I woke up with blues,
wished upon a falling star.

fell into a full moon.

(feel the pull!)

it rolls me over
the ocean of misty streets,
tall alley walls,
the dark corners hiding my heart.
(so give a smile to tomorrow.
???will there be cold beer in hell.)

I ve lost my way,
creature of silent sorrow .
(so throw me a smile.)

I fell upon a fallen star,
how far from the grave?

a crow caws at my window.
the night is so long.

wishing on a tumbling star,
no matter how you look at it
you lose.

I woke up in the blues,
sat in the only chair in a dark room.

The world spins
or I'm the one getting dizzy
It seems
people prefer things
getting worse than staying the same

And the fever of
how funny our situation can get
is trending

And what's with being able to talk to you
when you're unavailable?
Magic I wasn't born into but grew up with
Instantly sending my feelings
without facing you


That makes it easier to do
but also harder to own it

Hard to picture my love
traveling around the orbit


And when the world spins I can look up my symptoms
And hope my words reached
and you deciphered my riddles

Can't get this page to fill
This pen is bleeding white noise

Creators are made off their failures
And achy finger joints

I'm digging untill my back breaks
Silence I won't accept

I promise
Next time I'll feel the words
I'll write
If they return