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Jellyfish May 2017
We finally said goodbye
hopefully for the last time.
It was a peaceful ending
No one ended up crying.
I laid everything out on the table
you responded calmly
I was surprised,  
for the first time we weren't unstable.
I won't remember you as a horrible friend. I'll remember the you I met in the beginning.
Jellyfish May 2017
Remembering things we did together,
always makes me feel better.
Whether I'm angry or sad
when I look back, I end up smiling.
Jellyfish May 2017
After rereading what you said to me,
now for the seventh time...
I'm starting to wonder if I am like her.
She dumps all her problems on a forum
while I dump mine here.
It's true I once was sad enough to hurt
but I showed no one.
You were there during this time
do you not remember?
How dark I became...
You hold yourself high on a pedestal
and like to think you made me who I am today.
While you did take part in the little things
you did not make me.
All you've made me is negative energy,
little smiles in between didn't help anything, not really.
Friends don't do these things,
not to each other.
I should have learned sooner.
Though I often wonder
when it all went under, the waves.
The waves that swallowed our loyalty.
Why did things have to get so difficult?
Leaving me always feeling so questionable, towards you.
You say I can trust you,
and that one slip up means nothing.
But I remember the last "slip up"
and the one before that, and the one before that.
You call me hypocritical,
for doing something in my past
that is completely unrelatable.
IT WAS NOT YOUR STORY TO TELL.
To anyone. Ever.
I hope you know, I would never
tell someone of your past.
Not the painful things that hurt you,
not the times you felt tearful.
*Why do you not care?*
Jellyfish May 2017
I don't know why
every single time
we have a fight
I remember that time,
the time you hurt me the most.
Jellyfish May 2017
There's a storm moving in my friend,
and I don't think the damage will be recoverable...
Not for us.
Jellyfish May 2017
When I'm laying here
listening to your letters
crinkling as my old fan
blows air towards them
on the wall, I feel calm.
Jellyfish May 2017
I want to remove you,
but I don't know how.
Things you say to me
tend to leave me feeling down.

You make me feel guilty
for things I shouldnt be.
but you make me happy
through the worst of things.

When I look into the past
and think of all we've been through
the good and the bad,
I feel mad.

I don't know what to expect
when starting new friendships
because ours has always been toxic.
Will you understand when I let you go?
I want to let you go. My longest known, toxic, friend.
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