I need an answer.
I need to hear your voice.
I need to feel the warmth of your hug
and the bliss of your lips.

I need to know,
does she give you what you need?
Does she make you feel more than I ever could?
Does she hold you while you cry?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?

I want an answer,
knowing the need is not necessary;
knowing the response will break me
more than I broke your self esteem.

Time passes,
two years to be exact.
But I need to know,
Does she sleep with my blanket,
the one I gave you?
Does she hold your hand as you drive?
Does she run her hands through your hair,
that you used to melt over?
Does she sit for hours with your mom,
laughing through the childhood memories she shares?
Is she everything you couldn’t find in my eyes?

I need an answer.
I want an answer.
A list of questions,
that could continue for pages,
but all I truly want to know;

Does she love you like I loved you?

Forced visitations
weren't your determination.
Heartache
and mistakes.

Tore us down
like we weren't even your own.
You shut us down,
made us feel all alone.

The day you raised your hand,
I will never understand.
You lost all trust,
leaving us in disgust.

You never cared from the beginning,
how silly of me to thank you,
but as I grew
I pushed through.

I wouldn't want to be the person
I knew of you.

You taught me one thing
and that one thing is
not who to be
and who not to love.

I fell for your smile
I fell for your eyes
and your laugh,
oh how it lights up the night

The butterflies that flutter
every time I see your face
But I will never understand
what keeps holding me back

craving the taste of your lips,
the warmth of your chest pressed against mine,
the heat radiating off of our bodies;

craving you.

You should never have to apologize for being in love

As I laid there once more with your arms
wrapped around my waist, head wresting in my chest,
I whispered,
"something keeps leading me back to you, if only I knew."

You lifted your head, smiled and asked what I said.
I never repeated what I said but
you still grasped a little tighter and said,
"it's always been you, there's something about you."

At that very moment; same thought we had in mind,
I realized its not a "something," but a "someone"
and that someone is happily you--

Until an hour later after you held me,
you held another and that
'happily,' turned quickly to 'sadly.'

--Left to question why; question how,
but simply replied,
"I'm used to it, too many to count."