'new year, new me'*

I won't be a new me this year.

No, I'm going to be an upgraded version of myself.

I won't become the person I always aspired to be.

No, I'm going to push myself to fix all the wrong things with me.

A prototype and a completed project.

I'm going to create a better me, not a new one.

all my life
i have known turmoil
i have known pain
i have experienced betrayal
at the hands of those
who were meant to love me
to care for me

all my life
i have known worry
i have known fear
my anxiety is the devil on my back
crushing me with the weight of a thousand stones
stones that are my thoughts
a never ending monologue in my head
"you are nothing"
"you are not loved"
"you are not enough"

all my life
i have been alone
i have been afraid
i have fallen prey to hands and hearts
that only aimed to tear apart my own
i have been running from anyone and everyone
who tried to get past my walls
to know me

but now there is you
you sooth the turmoil
you relieve the pain
you have erased the betrayal from my memories
and care for me above yourself

but now there is you
you allay my worry
you alleviate my fear
you fight the devil on my back
and pull him off of me
you share my burden
and ease the weight of my thoughts
you give me a new monologue
"you are everything to me"
"you are the love of my life"
"you are more than I ever could have asked for
more than I thought to dream of"

but now there is you
i am not alone
i am not afraid
the only hands and heart i am in are yours
and they hold me with reverence
you don't tear me apart
you piece me together