i'm not afraid of you falling out of love with me and forgetting about me
i'm afraid of you finding someone who can make you happier than i ever did
and i will just become bad memories
not even a good memory
i'm afraid of you learning to hate me
through all of the bad stuff we went through
and she can make you forget
oh she made you completely forget

he found it easier
to let the lies unravel out of his mouth
rather than tell me
he prefers to shut me out

I buy her cheap
can't buy expensive.

It's a gift she says
to give my spirit a lift
you buy low
it gets high on my love

don't ever think
price has a place in happiness.

She wears the imitation
and the mirror explodes
into thousand stars
with the gift of joy
now not only hers
but inexplicably
spread all over me.

The loves of the past
are like the wind
and when the wind is silent
the leaves sleep.
It’s almost as if they are thinking,
bored
sick of life
but the wind comes and goes
and when the wind blows,
the leaves stir restlessly
and sometimes,
if it weren’t for the branches,
they would disappear along with it.

My name is _ and I have an eating disorder.

I am __ years old, five foot-something, 157 lbs, blue eyes, brown hair, & no thigh gap.

I go to the gym five to six days a week.

I have a degree, I work full time in a managerial position, and I have a eating disorder.

You cannot see my bones, you cannot see the space between my thighs, you cannot see the rings underneath my eyes for all the thousands of tears I have cried.

I struggle with something real, something people rarely talked about, no one reveals.

Punishment, self affliction, addiction, no type of healing medical prescription.

I don't eat, I eat, I binge, I drink, I purge, I cry, and still I try.

I try to battle every day, "don't count those **** calories" I say. "You know better" they cry but I remark, "Do I?"

All I know of is to hate, hate myself, my body, a disgusting self image that I formulate.

You see beauty, you see curves.

All I see

Is something that no one deserves. A body of disgust, a fat piece of skin.

As a 157 lbs living a 300 lb within.
- [ ]