so many
failed
relationships

i think that
i might be the
problem

We exist in this space and time, but yet I don't know if we are supposed to go through other spaces and times coincidently.
…
Funny also how we've been in the exact same places but at different times.

Normally, it would be pretty safe
to fall in love w/ the next woman
who walks through the door,  but
in my case that's Russian Roulette

This rock that I carry in my chest
Pumps adrenaline
And tries to crawl up my throat
I try to let you go
I lay bare in bed and I’m burning up
Each breath quick, hot, and not enough
I’m a racehorse with water in her lungs

The secret of life
Is simple and nice
She said I’ll tell it to you twice
Just so you know it ain’t a lie
     The upward battle
     The downward tumble
     The fight to finish
     The race you started
And days maybe getting darker
Time maybe ticking faster
Love maybe turning bitter
And sweet maybe turning sour
But life always has a controller.
     To hopeful travelers
     There is a road to take
     So baby don’t you cry
     There’s hope for you yet
And life maybe getting harder
Days maybe getting shorter
you keep waiting, waiting longer
Your heart beating, beating faster
But life always has a controller.
     So baby don’t you cry
     There’s hope for you yet
     The secret of life
     Is underneath your chest!

Last night I read a poem about God, and
it sounded so good I almost believed it.
God, hands out the window and hair blowing,
God, smoking a cigarette in a passenger's seat.
Even when you humanize all of your fears,
You can still
Spit them out in the middle.
God, moving her lips with the music and the hot sun,
God, breaking the law with that look.
God, being small enough to cower over and close
Enough to stare in the face,
Where do you take someone like that when they ask?
All the way, I suppose.
The seat next to me is godless, and I almost believed it.
I imagine someone being strong enough to
Cleanse me just by looking at me,
I imagine holding onto something that feels holy and
Not having to deal with burnt palms.
If I could take God anywhere, I would take her to
My grandfathers grave. I would take her to my
Best friends grave, I would take her to the site of
My life changing and,
I would watch her chain smoke cigarettes and cough it all out.
God, with her sharp teeth and quiet tongue and
God, with her hair pulled back and her gaze removed.
If God was in my passenger seat, I would take her to
All of my hurt and ask her to pick it up.
I would ask her to take it all back,
And she would laugh.
God, that laugh.

It was just one of those nights
One of those nights where you get to bed at a decent hour
And you’re just laying in bed closing your eyes to sleep
And you think of something small
Just something like a song you heard
Or maybe a band
And you wonder if someone you know might like it
You wonder if your brother might like it
So you think about it and realize you don’t even know
You don’t know what they listen to anymore or if it has changed
You really haven’t spent much time with them recently
You really haven’t spent much time with them in the last ten years
You start to wonder why
It feels trivial but you keep asking
Where did the relationship go
Where did it go wrong
How much was ever really there
You remember the last time you were together you had a bad moment
It wasn’t really the last time you were together
The last time was good
But the incident feels like the last time
It feels like maybe that’s where things changed
Even though it probably isn’t
Even though it was probably always the same
Or it has been for some time
You remember some of the things you said
Some things that were out of line
You’d done that with your other brother too but he usually got the better end of it
Still you were both drunk
Sometimes the truth comes out like that
Sometimes you’re just stretching
Sometimes you’ll never know
You remember you owe him money
He seems to have forgotten but that doesn’t make you feel better
Does he care about that
Could that be the hang up here
You remember other people you owe money to
Your grandma leant you some once and you only paid back a bit
You know she doesn’t hold it against you
But you know she has only forgotten if she wanted to
That doesn’t feel good either way
You remember the time your dad had to bail you out of jail
It was a mistake and just a misunderstanding
You didn’t know you had the warrant
You thought your fine was paid
The charge had been from years earlier
That didn’t take away the disappointment from his face
That didn’t take away the lecture you got on the way home
Who knows how much he paid for bail
He paid the balance of the fine as well
He was too upset to thank for it
I guess you never got around to it
Another time you were in a pinch and had to ask your mom for money
Your power had been shut off
You were unemployed with no prospects for a job
She flatly said no at first
Then not without a solid plan
But you didn’t have a plan
You didn’t have any plans and that’s why you called
You ended up heating up canned food with candles for a couple days
You fed your dog at least half of whatever you had
None of it felt good but you couldn’t blame your mom
Was she right to say no
Was she wrong not to help
All you know is you never asked again
You trust she had her reasons one way or another
There’s nothing much to say about it now anyway
Or at least you wouldn’t if there was
You know your parents love you the ways they know how to
You know your brothers do too
It’s 2 AM now and you have thought of everything
It’s 2 AM now and nothing is meaningless

they who filed the bars and sent the world to the stars
in a slow, but heavy descent, god only knows what they meant
with an enveloping down and a comforting cry
is a rating for us to decide or just to imbibe
well, step aside, because i...
i can definitely imbibe