i do not believe in god
but i do believe in poetry
and for me
maybe poetry is prayer
and the universe
is an unwavering ear
in the shape of a god

on the canvas. I was
wet and dripping like a feral
kitten. My creator didn’t lay me
out in the sun. And so, my colors

run. The red and blues
look purple. The mother’s milk
curdled. Throwing me up as *****. And so,
I left a stain. Beaten by the brush

I lost my sense of touch. Now
I’m oily. I’m a spill in a broken
frame. I hang on the wall as
a flower. None admire me. But I haven’t
nerves to leave.

Vincent Van Gogh's last words.

They told me that it's all in my head
And they were right
It is all in my head...
And my heart
And my veins,
It's in my stomach
My arms and my legs
It's immobilizing my muscles
And deteriorating my skin
So yes- they were right
But they left a few things out
Not only is it in my head
It's now completely taken over every single part
That makes me
Me

This is Depression

I'm not stable enough for love
I'm not kind enough for love
I'm not worthy enough for love
I'm not ready for love
Lord please save me
I don't feel human
I don't have strength
I don't belong
I don't want to live
I'm nothing but depressed
A lost case
A piece of work
A damaged ex
Will I ever turn my life around?
And see the world differently?
Like it's meant to be
Like I have a destiny
Like anyone wants me
To be here

you smell like
bad decisions
and cigarettes

In a drop of you, I lost an ocean of me.