i'm not afraid
of becoming older
i don't care
about my hair greying
or my skin getting looser

i'm afraid of sitting
at the kitchen table
staring at the same backyard
the same trees
the same flowers
every single day
while thinking

i wish i had done it

a kaleidoscopic version of me, twisted and shook
to look like broken stained-glass.
really just beads in a toy
lined with mirrors.

I get up from bed
Pause to look back at you sleep
Think, God, I’m lucky

Wrap up the love
you so madly give to others
and open it
for
yourself.