I want to be done
I want to move away
I dont want to think about 5 years
From now
And still be crying over you
Because i never got over you when i could.
Youre just magnetic for me
And i cant deny your ability
To make me forget
How bad for me you are

When the snow falls there's a sort of tangible peace outside because everything is quiet
But snow isn't falling with us right now.
I hope you know
I did what I thought was right at the time but it doesn't
seem to matter now so I
hope you'll see I had to
find God's path again I
never wanted to hurt you and I'm
still a girl you could love
in a different way
someday
even though I'm out of small quiet i'm sorrys
I'm out of tears running down frozen trembling cheeks
I'm out of shallow breaths and chattering teeth
All that's left is for me to pray
for you to a God you don't find comfort in
But knowing I'm the cause of your suicidal thoughts
has me stuttering a m m men
I'm not sure it's enough
to cycle into the sky
and make the snow fall

Late at night when I’m alone in my cinder block room
I think about what could have been.
I think back to watching our favourite shows in a warm basement
And talking about what happened during third period last Thursday
Now I’m drinking in a dimly lit common room
Talking about what happened at that party last Friday
I like it here
But I wish I could take a break from the hazy nights filled with the wandering eyes of mysterious strangers and kisses that taste like *****
And get back to what could have been
So that maybe our eyes could have met for just a little bit longer.

On early mornings when clouds darken the view out of my window
I think about what could have been.
I think back to reading Shakespeare in the library
And wondering why the future seemed so far away
Now I’m reading Othello on an ivy and limestone campus
And that unreachable future is right now
I like it here
But I wish I could take a break from studying until the sun rises and philosophy majors slipping me their numbers
And get back to what could have been
So that maybe we could have stayed alone in the high school hallway for just a little bit longer.

On Sunday afternoons when the hallways are eerily silent
I think about what could have been.
I think back to ordering takeout at midnight
And laughing at each other’s jokes even if they weren’t that funny
Now I’m eating noodles out of a mug because I ran out of bowls (again)
And laughing at how you would be teasing me about this right now
I like it here
But I wish I could take a break from Styrofoam meals and coffee dates with boys from tutorials
And get back to what could have been
So that maybe we could stay at the diner down the road for just a little bit longer.

On Tuesdays in lecture halls where remarks on Romans echo through the auditorium
I think about what could have been
I think back to what should have been
And long for what possibly would have been
I packed my bags and headed down a long stretch of highway
You captured the city skyline with a camera
I like it here
You like it there
But I hope that one day we’ll get a break from it all
And with a degree in one hand and certainty in the other
We’ll take what could have been
And make it into what’s ours
For maybe more than a little bit longer.

I know that sunsets are the beginning of evening
I know that the night is some old romantic
I know the winter is the hardest for me
seeing all the life wither to a corpse
I know graveyards are just earthly beds
that burying bodies together makes it easier
for us to go through the afterlife instead of alone,
I know trumpets and saxophones still hold my heart
the warmth of their sounds melt away my fears,
I know that if I am to love I have to surrender
I know the boy in me is still struggling to become a man,
I know my heart is still heavy with you leaving
3 years now and counting, feels like the clocks stopped ticking
I know my mother is trying
I know my father is giving his best shot at remembrance
I know that there is still so much I’ve yet to learn
that everyday is to be made a lesson
I know I will continue to make amends
to build back the bridges i’ve burned
with all the timber left in my chest

You shine.
You radiate with warmth that draws me closer.
You are the sun and I am the moon.

I enlighten.
I glow.
I makes you smile just by being close.

You're hotter.
I'm cooler.
You're sweeter.
I'm smoother.
But together we are conquers.
You are the sun that keeps me exposed to you.

The star of my heart at the center of my attention.
A lovely woman that the solar system's missing.

While I am the moon.
A satellite of brightness glowing with love for you.

We moon struck with romantic feelings for one another.
This guy's proud to be your lover.

Our love was like the moon
Gradually coming and going,
Dying and coming back to life
Every day and every night.

Nothing happened between us,
We just gradually fell out of love.
Sometimes our love was strong,
Like the moon in the pitch black sky.
Sometimes it was weak,
Like the moon in the bright of day

Not there.

Trigger warning
lonely nights

Trigger warning
aching wrists

Trigger warning
feeling so numb you crave any feeling

Trigger warning
tears streaming down your face

Trigger warning
friends coming for support

Trigger warning
how do you help someone else
when you can't even help yourself?

Trigger warning
help me

Trigger aim
Trigger fire

Trigger fire
gone.

Affection
something I crave
from nobody other than you.

Attention
something I hate
but I want all of yours.

Appreciation
something I have
for every one of your actions.

Acception
something I need
because you will never be mine.