Growly Wolfus

Growly Wolfus Aug 2019

Okay

I'm not a shy person and I have some close friends,
but for an unknown reason, I have a sinking feeling.
I often take offers life doesn't usually lend,
and some risks I take send others reeling.
Something is off.  I know something is wrong,
but I keep going on as if nothing's the matter.
One day, we all will be gone,
and I cannot worry myself with this latter.
Time is a keen element in everything.
The more we waste, the less we have.
I don't know what the universe has in store for me.
I hope it's nothing serious or bad.

The voices I have, someone told me it's not normal.
I shrugged off the comment, but I knew they were right.
The voices never try to be formal
and only seem to bug me at night.
I used to think what they said was true.
I'm okay now.  At least, I hope so.
You see, the one who saved me was you.
You were the only person who helped me grow.

They came back, and this time, not only at night.
I can hear them daily, chattering and being a problem.
I can't believe I thought I was alright,
and it seems there is no way to stop them.
I'm okay.  Don't worry about me.
After all, this isn't your issue.
This isn't the person you normally see.
Just hand me another tissue.

The voices are a part of me.  If they're lost, I'm not whole.
It seems like I've finally gone mad.
I know I'll regret this, but I'm no longer in control.
What I'm to do is incredibly sad.
I'll say sorry now.  You can't stop me.
You've already tried everything you could.
Don't watch and you won't see.
I've tried to stop them too.  I know I should.
This is it, but it'll be alright.
Just promise me you will stay.
I must go now.  I can no longer fight.
Everything is okay.

"Okay" and "fine" are relative terms. Not everyone's version means the same thing.

#growlywolfus #oldnotebook #suicide #okay #fine

Growly Wolfus Aug 2019

Blackout

All the lonely voices crying for help
their laughter chills my bones
the darkness has taken control
listening to their moans
they're afraid at times but otherwise brazen
you cannot see their face
they scream insults, phrases, and words
"you are a disgrace"
there are voices in my mind
impossible to silence
everything is invisible to my eyes
the voices act as tyrants
the blackout of my brain
became my reality
I ask myself questions the voices ask
"Is this really me?"
The light shines in, it hurts, it burns
the darkness inside me shrivels
I cry out in pain, the light is evil
I crumble to the ground and wither
The darkness returns, I feel at home
this is where I belong
I live here in this pitch black night
the light will soon be gone

I recall writing this during a school blackout. It was a super stressful time. There were at least ten officers in the building making sure everything was okay because the day before someone threatened to shoot up our school.

#growlywolfus #oldnotebook #darkness #blackout

Growly Wolfus Aug 2019

Crazy Hokey Pokey

You put your left foot in
You pull your left foot out
You put your left foot in
And wrap it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you turn yourself around
You've got a dislocated foot now

You put your right arm in
You pull your right arm out
You put your right arm in
And twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you weep and cry with pain
While someone's calling your name

You put your left arm in
You pull your left arm out
You put your left arm in and twist it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you slip out of your chains
And realize you're going insane

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you quake and sway with fear
No one else is in here

You put your head in
You pull your head out
You put your head in
And you bang it all about
You do the hokey pokey
As you bleed out on the ground
Laughing 'cause you'll never be found

I have NO IDEA how I came up with this. It's stupid, but you might find it a little funny.

#growlywolfus #crazy #dance

Growly Wolfus Jul 2019

I Own

I own nothing
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.

I've never seen or felt love before
but then I met you.  You opened the door,
the stone gate guarding my melancholy heart.
Now that you're here, stay to play your part.
I role in my life usually vacant.
Stay here with me, I have plenty of patience.
I promise not to argue.  I'll only listen.
Speak your mind to me.  Let nothing be hidden.
I will give you everything I have.
Just be here by my sad and never be sad.
I'll be happy with you for the rest of my days.
Never will I get over your gaze.

Your eyes a creamy, deep rich brown.
Your face seems to glow, your red hair always down.
The way you move is mesmerizing.
The words you say are hypnotizing.
I love you wholly with all of my heart.
I think no one can tear us apart.
I did not see
all the signs you left for me.
Once I found them, I couldn't understand.
Why would you leave my for another man?
None of it is true.  It must all be a lie.
But deep down inside I wish I would die.
You cheated on me with another.
We can no longer trust each other.
I lost everything to my ignorance.
I can't believe you and your difference.

Now, I own nothing,
nothing at all.
Think before doing or else you too will fall.

Being cheated on is the worst feeling. It's a different kind of heartbreak.

#growlywolfus #oldnotebook #cheating #lying #nothing

Growly Wolfus Jul 2019

Cuts

I chuckle lightly and smile at my knife.  One day, I would use this weapon to take my own life.  Slowly, I jab it into my arm, dragging it down and causing self-harm.  I have an addiction to inflicting pain, so I do it to myself since nothing will I gain except for the scars and blood on my skin.  How could this ever be considered a sin?

The blood trickles slowly down, hardening then turning brown.  I clean it up as if nothing happened.  If my parents knew, they'd be deeply saddened.  I act like I do normally and my friends don't notice anything wrong with me.  I wear a jacket to cover the scratches.  Some are still healing from last week's matches.

I feel the need to try other ways to cut myself, but to my dismay, I lost my only blade.  I bought a better one for which I paid.  The cuts on my arms grow more crowded.  There are too many to be counted.

After slicing my arms, legs and feet, I look to Death who I'll soon greet.  Just one stroke to end my life.  I whisper a prayer and grab my knife.  Admiring the dagger-like shank, I slide it against my neck and calmly thank anyone who didn't know of this.  They are all oblivious.

Today I will complete my mission, a goal of which I am commissioned.  You must  know, this has to be, and now I'm dead because no one stopped me...

I drew a very eye-opening image on the back page in my notebook. This poem accompanies it.

#growlywolfus #oldnotebook #suicide #cuts #knife #blood #death

Growly Wolfus Jul 2019

Gatherer

I'm a gatherer, a humble being.
I dislike violence. Only peace, I bring.
I herd people to see the light.
I gave up emotions and love for this right.
Evil fills the human race.
It'd be safer if they're all erased.
A maze I'm running through from which I can't escape.
A dream has captured me and I cannot awake.
The memories haunting all of my thoughts.
The key to my heart is forever lost.

These battle scars I have gained over time
show all my struggles and losses of what's mine.
I have not forgot
all the wars I have fought.
I recall all the pain
and the wisdom I've gained.
Sadly, all my work has been for naught
since I am now gone, the one who Death sought.
I am a lie,
a false entity doomed to die.

This is the last you'll hear of me.
After this I'll be forever free
from the pathetic, fleeting people
of this world called to kneel.
I came as a friend to change their mind,
but they wanted bloodshed not peace for their kind.

I am warning you of
the humans filled with evil and love.
Take our time and think things through.
I pass all my knowledge onto you.
You are the new gatherer.
Bring the truth to those who can hear.
You are a scribe but never tell,
or they will come after you as well.

I recall writing this poem after researching the atrocities people commit. We all need to be saved.

#growlywolfus #oldnotebook

Growly Wolfus Jul 2019

You Do Not Know Who I Am

I am something entirely different from what you know.
I am someone hidden behind a screen and lines of code.
You think you know me; you say you know my name.
but do you really know me? You hide the thought with shame.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know what I look like,
my hair color, my smile.
You cannot feel the warmth it gives to those in need.
You cannot see my eyes.
The suffering in them, the pain.
Nor have you seen the horrors I have.

You cannot hear my words and what they truly speak.
You cannot see the meaning behind them and behind me.
But you can see my text and what the script conveys.
You read things at face value and furnish it not with your gaze.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know my gender,
my culture, my race.
You do not know what I know and have learned.
You do not know my cunning,
how I think and how I feel.
You cannot fully understand me.

I do not fully understand me, my feelings, my actions.
Can you subdue my thoughts for a second, but a fraction?
You cannot comprehend how greatly I long for silence.
Something, I am afraid, is impossible now.
You do not know why.
You do not know who I am.

There is a ringing, a never-ending sound
I am subject to listen to.
It was not my choice nor was it mine to make.
My hearing is slipping away,
as is my speech.
Soon, my own voice shall atrophy away.
All that's left will be these words
turned to dust.

You do not know my name, my gender, my race.
Nor have you ever seen the features of my face.
I am losing myself and will never again feel the comforts of silence.
Oh, how I long for it. I long for what I have lost.
Taken for granted.
Forgotten.
Dust.

You do not know
who I am......

You don't know who I am, so here's a little about me hidden in a very real poem.

#growlywolfus