What is feeling
It's like I'm just a shell
There is nothing left
My soul has left
I have left

I am EMPTY

E-mpty
M-ad
P-aind
T-ested daily
Y-oung with and aged mind

Hi i say

wait was that right
is that to informal
is it to formal
stop talking
your embarrassing yourself

How was your day?
No thats not right
ask them how they are
ask them if they are happy

"How are you?" they ask

Say fine
do they actully care
why are they talking to you
why are you standing there

"time to leave!"

Do you have your wallet
where is your mask
why do you look like that

(kids laghing in the hallway)

They are laghing at you
you should change
why do you dress like that

"bed time"

Did you trun off the light
did you brush your teeth
make sure you check under your bed 3 times
make sure the light is actually off
go check again

"hey how was you day. I'm so tired."

text back
but wait a secon
dont let them think your despreat to talk to them
wait do they actully want to talk to you

"Hello???..."
...
...
...

"good night"

Why didn't you respond
no they didn't want to talk to you anyway
go to sleep

(starts screaming)

wakes up in a cold sweat
you shouldn't have called your teacher mum in 3rd grade
why did you
re think that conversation

Looks at the blade

Don't do it
your freinds will worry
no they won't
they don't care

Pulls balde across

no  more pain

Good bye

Hello my name is Kole
I was confused
I made a friend who loved me for me because he understood
He understood because he was trans
I was gay
But then I met him
I knew something was different inside me
I met him and I understood who I was at last
I was born a girl
I hated my body
I pretended to be a girl
I wore dresses and makeup to please them
But now I have cut my hair
I feel authentically me
I am happier than I have ever been
I have a ways to go but finally I am me!

This face I see in the mirror
It doesn’t belong to me
This long hair
These pale blue eyes
Whos are they
They are not mine
They do not belong to me

The people at school do not understand why I hide my body
I hide with baggy clothing and short hair
But everyone can see through this mask I wear
I smile and say I’m fine but they can see every word I say is a lie

So I tell them why I do these thing
“ But why you're such a pretty young girl”
I say not girl and they say woman
I say Boy
They say Girl
I say Kole
They say Maggie

What did I do to deserve this
Whats wrong with my name whats wrong with who I am
I don’t judge people for who they like or who they are of who they want to be
You don’t judge people for dying their hair or changing their nose
But as soon as I say I want to be called a name it’s histarea

Whats wrong with one name
They say “ what next? Do u want to go to the boys locker room and hang out with them.”
Yeah so I feel more comfortable
But no I must fit society
I must be what i'm perceived as
I must be this robot that follows every command

Were fed this false information that anyone who is different is wrong or bad
We must hide from different
We must cage it
As soon as we are perceived as different we become a mouse in a cage full of lions
We get attacked

There are those few how will jump into the lion cage to save the small mouse
But then you get stolen away from your savoir and put in a cage for inspection
They scrutinize every part of you

Im a rainbow in sky full of clouds and I’m all alone
I know there are others but until you come out you are who they made you to be
Then when you do finally say how you feel you get rejected and hated and told you are not valid

I am here to tell every person who has ever felt this way
You are valid and loved and strong
Don’t listen to them

And to those of you who disregard their pronouns or hate them for loving who they love
You are wrong you do not understand everything they could be going through
Take it from someone who knows transphobia and bulling first hand you bullies never win
The small mouse in the cage of lions out smarts all of you and escapes through the bars while you stand stunned and stuck in that cage with no goal now I’m gone

Why am I so sad
I feel this crushing weight on my chest
I feel my life imploding
I can feel my friends slipping away from me
I can see the disgust on there face when they see me
I can feel there words when they talk in hushed voices
I can feel my nails on my skin
Raking and ripping and shredding my skin
Blood drips on my arm
I feel my own skin under my nails
I'm disgusted with myself
I want to die
I want to feel
I want know what it feels like to be actually loved
why am I so sad
Why does it feel like I'm drowning
why does it feel like I'm falling, I'm crashing into a void of nothing