And I have to change

Nobody understands me
They don't get it
They don't try to
It's just all
Or
It's nothing

I give so much
And get so little
When I back off
They back off more
When I go forward
They step backward

I feel like I should quit
Maybe I should give up
Stop trying
Become who I was

Quiet
Embarrassed
Careful
Shy

Didn't say hello
Didn't speak her mind
Just let everyone else
Dictate my every thought
But that's not who I am

I've changed
                                        
                                               They've changed

They should understand
I'm a new girl

It should be better
Not worse

I should be respected
Not ridiculed

So then what's happening
What left me like this

So alone
So afraid

That every time I try to sleep
I end up crying
I end up hurt
And they don't bat an eye
Because I changed

I'm harsh
I'm different

If I tried I'd be better
I could be

Quiet
Careful
Shy
Embarrassed

And maybe they would notice
That the strongest
Are the weakest
But they don't

So by playing the weakest
I am the strongest
I am stronger than they know
Stronger than they will ever be
Stronger than they think I am

But
I'm not
I'm not strong
I'm weak
I cry at five am
To forget everything they've done

I scream when I'm alone
To try and get back
Hoping that

Maybe

Hopefully

They will understand
They will hear me

Scream
And
Cry

And they will understand
That I've changed

Dead and lifeless
Just like a tree
I'm talking about someone
That someone is me.
Without any dreams
For I've let them flee
And now I'm dead and lifeless
Like a cold winter tree
Though trees become green
In summer and spring
Their leaves eventually fall
And winter comes after all.
I wasn't born in the Summer, the Spring or the Fall.
I was born in the winter, lifeless and all
I'm so cold
So bare
And so plain
I never grow any blossom
Like the cherry tree down the lane
Tough I'm not perfect
And you may not see me as worth it
I've tried already to be like the rest
I really tried my best.
But I'm not the others, not full and green.
Yet I've decided to be myself, to bare and so clean.