i was looking at an old and tattered black and white photo of my grandfather
a man i never knew and wondered about

his existence
like a horizon of dissolution
his soul enshrined in my own
and like him and all creatures
ultimately i remain defenseless
against realities magnitude

while my father loved me as a child
he grew unkind over the years
and we where set bitterly against one another other
his tyranny and my disobedience

as i gathered strategies craft
by machinery of thought
and festering gall
he, the bully
got bullied back
by me and old age
as we in tandem set fire
to his sadistic golden age of disillusionment

and here we are now the living and the dead
still locked in a grudge
a recurring spirit of revenge
in a valley of tears
before i myself join the ephemeral legions
in a pile of stones and ashed corpses

are we not
a procession of long struggles and short pleasures
a history of terrors and creatureness
stooges bound by the wheel creation
crucified by desire
and the apathy of obliterations aftermath
an archeology of death
ruin upon ruins

has God
sinned against man
or bestowed his grace
mystified
perfect and beautiful
beyond measure
yet to be discovered
in an alternate reality?

1/December/1996
About ten in the morning
With a city that was registered
only in my birth certificate
I...
1st of December
-In calendar-
It could not have been there
It was not its fault
Its mother is a *****

The joy of my childhood songs
Missing the balloons
How was the sky so blue?!!!
White clouds ran slowly
They didn't see my childhood ?!
The loneliness of my doll ?!
Perhaps her left hand
has fallen here

daddy
beat my head firmly
That's why
all my dolls
were made without head
Mommy...
You did not even look like
a scream

Oh my little beloved !
Close your eyes instead of me
because
Open eyes are staring
drying
dying...
I whisper again
I wish I was blind
Why am I to be seen?
Oh my little beloved !
goodbye
I'm growing up...
I don't need you anymore
And I still love my childhood
My sister...
She is dancing with me
like her clockwork doll
What is her crime ?
Her thought is pink

How much the window and I are alike !
only when I look to the sky
from this framework
to be in the arms of God
I am not
a bird
to stay in the cage
Death
or
The rescue of flight
Freedom has no meaning...

If I die, what happens next?
My sister is still dancing !
Will my mother laugh?!
The flowers are still fragrant?!
The trees are tall !
The waters are flowing !
And still, when his people pass by
are they greeting happily ?

What happened to me?!
You were such a kind person
that the birds
made their nests on your hands
I wonder...
Calling me lady these days
Happy birthday !
Please do not swear at me


یازدهم آذرماه
سال یک هزار و سیصد و هفتاد و پنج
حوالی ده صبح
با شهری که فقط به اسم در شناسنامه ام ثبت شد
...من
یازدهم آذرماه
-در تقویم-
می توانست نباشد
تقصیر خودش نبود
مادرش هرز است
شادی ترانه های بچگیم
بادبادک ها را گم می کند
چگونه آسمان آنقدر آبی بود!؟
ابرهای سفید به آرامی دویدند
مگر کودکی های مرا نمی دیدند!؟
تنهایی عروسکم را
شاید دست چپش همین جا افتاده باشد
بابا
محکم به سرم می کوبد
برای همین است
که تمام عروسک هایم بدون سر ساخته شده اند
...مامان
شبیه جیغ هم نبودی
محبوب کوچکم
تو به جای من چشمانت را ببند
چشمان باز
خیره می مانند
خشک می شوند
می میرند
باز با خودم می گویم
کاش من کور می بودم
چرا من بودم که باید می دیدم!؟
محبوب کوچکم
خداحافظ
من دارم بزرگ می شوم
و دیگر به تو نیازی ندارم
...خواهرم
مثل عروسک کوکی اش با من می رقصد
او چه گناهی دارد
فکرش صورتیست
چه قدر من و پنجره شبیه به هم هستیم
تنها وقتی از این چهارچوب
به آسمان نگاه می کنم
که در آغوش خدا باشم
من پرنده ای نیستم
که در قفس بمانم
یا مرگ
یا رهایی پرواز
آزادی معنایی ندارد
اگر بمیرم
فردایش چه می شود!؟
خواهرم هنوز می رقصد
مادرم خواهد خندید
گل ها هنوز خوشبو اند
درختان بلند اند
آب ها جاری هستند
و هنوز وقتی آدم هایش از کنار هم می گذرند
با روی خوش به هم سلام می کنند!؟
چه اتفاقی برایم افتاد
تو آنقدر مهربان بودی
که پرنده ها روی دستانت آشیانه ساخته اند
تعجب می کنم
تازگی ها
مرا خانم صدا می زنند
تولدت مبارک
خواهش می کنم به من فحش ندهید

Silver beams of sparkling dreams
dance playfully through my head,
I must confess, the loveliness
lures me to bed.

Made by the purest midnight glow
and the winds beauty of song,
celestial melodies from afar
sing to me all night long.

With a gentle touch of stardust
and glimmering moonlit glow,
I’m beckoned by silver rays
to that dream world, I long to go.
~

I am at peace
Tho my heart has freezed
No more love
My soul is floating above
Looking down at the decompose
I take a while to pose
To see if it's really me in the shallow grave
Laying damp and half decap, in a foam cave
So far from home, in a lonesome forest
Dumped by my own, here I rest
Who would have thought, of me this way
Wonderful words about me, all say
Yet, so brutality tortured and left here
Covered in blood, face torn in fear
Just my wealth was the family greed
So viciously got rid of me, a soul freed
Now almost thirteen days
I am missing, broken from ties
My eyes deceived all the beautiful lies
Trapped here, all alone
Thrown on me, are some big stones
I wished for love
I wished for life
I wished to live
But now, I see my body and grieve
Such a honor, I received
May the wealth, grant them health
From here, I wish for them to atleast thank
But I can imagine, their rejoice at the bank
An orphan, I was with fosters around
So make believe love, in my surround
Now its my decomposition rotting in this ground
Silence dusting with winds, such a peaceful sound
Waiting to be discovered, this known decap
In the news soon, my ****** mystery shall recap...


©sim

My heart weighs so heavy
I so wanna cry
My world looks so gravely
I so wanna die...*

©sim