I write to say what I wish I could say without actually saying it

I write because my day was horrible and this helps me feel better

I write because I need to express my feelings in other ways

I write because I'm excited about an event coming up in my life

I write because I'm madly in love and I don't know what to do

I write because I don't know what I'll do without my sanity.

I can't stop thinking of you

and that beautiful face,

with the prettiest eyes I've ever laid my own upon.

I can't stop thinking of you

and your voice that just takes me straight to heaven

while I can hardly do much else but type.

I can't stop thinking of you

and that personality that I can't get enough of,

The humor is endless and the beauty I see goes on forever

It's like meeting your best friend for the first time and having that moment of the best joy you've ever felt,

Except with you I have that feeling everday

I can't stop thinking of you,

I like having you in my thoughts

I can keep you safe there for now, at least until I can hold you in my arms for real

I can't stop thinking of you....


And I don't ever want to stop

It's about a girl again, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah it is.

Is she different from the rest?

Yeah, yeah she is.

Does she know?

Funny enough, yeah she does.

Welp, here's to a different one

Yeah, yeah it will be

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could take back words that come from my head and mouth

I wish I could curl up into a ball, and maybe my future self could reassure me that maybe I still have a chance.

Just to know that even if I'm failing now, time and time again will I know nothing but failure, that I'll succeed once.

Just to hear that would keep me ease until then. I'd be able to keep my upbeat personality and charm people think I have up. Maybe I'd find it's actually real

But that won't happen

I won't ever know for sure until it happens

And that's not likely in my state





I wish I could cry

If you asked me what addiction meant to me, My mind would first go to maybe some drug, or a junk food, people get addicted to those, but

I'm really just addicted to you

I'd say I can't explain how I really feel, but I've actually tried to do it several times.

Your smile is something I'd like to wake up to on a calm summer's day

However I know that it's just me that feels this way

Is there even a way to really find myself,

If I'm still trying to find you

All it takes for some is a single blot of doubt to make me want to scream

I ignored it for as long as I could but I can't any longer

It feels as if the path I'm taking may seem right to me, it is a corrosive acid that destroys what I hold most dear and if it doesn't get the thing it wants it will ruin me

Why won't the rain clouds go away?

I hope I never have to publish this, I'm only writing this to vent, but if you see this poem then know I'll be fine. I just need time to accept all that's happened. May take a day, a week, month, or maybe months. However I'll bounce back. I usually do.

There aren't a lot of ways I can't describe when I'm with you, those few ways are special, passionate and incredibly loving, it just wouldn't be right if I gave you anything less

I'd consider you to be the ultimate swindler, because you didn't just steal my heart..


You convinced me to take it right out of my body and hand it to you because you'd treat it right.

You're the epitome of beauty. I have to find new words just to describe you because they just aren't enough strong enough ones to describe how I feel

My mind frequently, no constantly bounces from thought to thought. Somehow they always land right back at you

This is for you, and only you

A noob is a term used in video games to describe someone who is new and bad at the game.

In some aspects, life is a game


And I'm the biggest noob at it.

See, I'm not that new to life. Been at this gig for 17 years and going.

But I lack a lot of experience.

See, if you imagine life as a video game, as you grow there are a lot of skills you can learn if you invest the time in learning them


Well..... I didn't invest in learning how to love.


I've just never thought I would actually get to.

Welp, I'm a senior now

Too bad I got one more year now

Too bad I got summer school

Too bad I got a summer job,

Well it ain't all that bad,

It's only just begun

Each and every day I wake up with you on my mind

I wish you a good morning and tell you a daily reminder that you're beautiful and I love you

I know you won't be able to respond until much time has passed, but I can wait.

Time is but a tool I'll use in my favor

Time is for mistakes to heal, choices to be reconsidered, thoughts to be gathered.

I'll see you later and ask how you are, how was your day, and I don't always get the same response, but either way


I'm glad I can still talk to you at all

While some things are fleeting, I hope this is forever

Whether we're hanging out with a group or just the two of us, I may not show it, but I'm loving every second

If only we weren't just voices and faces heard and seen from a monitor

You wouldn't go out of your way to make a random person on the street happy

For a friend like them, you'd spend the entire year devoted to making them feel happier

Would you put off other important things in your life for a stranger's needs?

For her, you would in a heartbeat

Would you try and give your advice, even though you knew next to nothing on the topic?

For your best friend, you'd try your best and wish them well

Why do we devote all this to a friend?

......

Because a friend would do it for you

At first I pushed her away, avoided her.

The actions she did unforgivable

Time would heal my pain

That was not the case.

Letting my hurt fester and grow

Making me someone I hate

I needed to vent

I let out the steam billowing up inside me

I relaxed

I apologized

I am one of tranquility

I am one of hypocrisy

I am.

Sorry.

I hate them.

They make me say that

They give me no other choice

I have no free will of my own in this home

I have no say in the matters that directly affect me

I'm just a viewer watching the TV about the boy who hates his parents

It's unhealthy, but who's fault is that?

The ones who get ****** at me because of the most minor of things, the ones who punish me over reasons that to be honest, aren't reasons in the slightest whatsoever and honestly it makes me want to scream

I have no control over this steering wheel that's driving my life

It's hitting bumps and crashing into every and all things bad

And I'm basically helpless to stop it

I have no control over my own life.

The art of speaking another language then your own is quite the challenge, everyone grows up watching Dora the Explorer speak spanish to us, there were other shows for other languages,

But it never impacted many of us, at least not me. If I could, I'd learn as many languages as I could, to speak with others across the world, or across my yard with the recently immigrated neighbors.

I love Spanish because I just think it is a beautiful language, even with the insane amount of irregular verbs

He loves French because its part of his heritage, I'll tease him with my lack of it, but in reality I am just wanting to learn as well

She loves German because of how the words just seem to flow together, just how nice a single sentence could sound

We all have our reasons, but its not just a why we learn a language, it opens a whole new world of communication and media.

Every boy grows up and is told that a real man works out, a real man has a six pack and is muscular

They don't tell you of how really tough that journey is to get there

Everyone has their own reasons

Maybe it's to impress that girl

Maybe it's to boost your self esteem

Maybe it's so you won't be the little guy anymore

Maybe it's all that and more

You spend the hours doing work that brings pain and aches later on and you never want to do it again

Fight your own **** battles

Don't send your little army after me

Those you've manipulated before me

Those that'll suffer the same fate as me.

Fight your own **** battles

Be the adult you wish you could be.

As the title says, it is nice to be be wanted.

To have a group of friends that want you to hang out with them,

but at times you feel a little stressed

When you find another group as well wanting you to hang out with them

It's nice to be wanted.

My mind is like a race track, every thought trying to be the first to cross my mind

Will it be the one who's positive, the confident one, the one where everything is going to be alright, the one that makes me smile and determined to keep going forward

Will it be the one who's negative, through one saying that it won't turn out like I want it to. The one that gives me nightmares that I'm not enough

I don't know which thought will win the 17 year long race that's been going on in my life.

I can only hope that the truth will come forward, and that I'll be ready for it

She gave me a chance after no one else would

She gave me a chance when I thought nobody could

It's in my grasp and I can almost taste it

I hate that thing

I that my mind is so focused on that, THAT. That of which I could end up horribly from

But I can't think of it being anything else but that

I don't see any other option then that, I just believe that, it's my key to happiness is to that.

What's your THAT

Mine is, well. Truth be told, it's just, THAT.

My life is like a plant, it takes a while to grow and reach its full potential


I need water, I need sunlight, It helps if I have those to care for me, but sometimes I'm alright on my own

I'm fragile like a plant sometimes, not sure where the wind will take me.


I take root in my values, hold them deep within my heart

But it only takes one strong pull of a violent tug to throw me for a loop

You told me you could take it

I didn't believe you

You said I was a liar

I didn't believe you

You said I was unaffected

I didn't believe you


You told me you were sorry.

Are you really though

Why do I have to be the only one alone

No I don't mean that I don't have friends or family.

I mean why does my brain make meeting someone special and being in a relationship with them such a concept that I can't grasp

Why do my hands and mouth slip at the chances I get, why do I hesitate until too late and my chance is foiled by none other then myself

I've never let the thought of going into the military get too far in my mind, it is a serious commitment, but depending on how my life turns out I may just need that

The military teaches you many things,
And being weak isn't one of them.

You have to be strong, both physically and mentally, You are the wall upon which the enemy falls

You have to be smart, both in the words of a book and the words used in the common street

I like to think I'd meet lifelong friends in the military if I joined, friends I know will have my back and protect my life as I do theirs

Although I don't think of this is a first choice, I want to be able to have a calm life, not one stuck in a trench seeing bullets fly overhead from insurgents, maybe I'll do something technical, get a degree even.

Who knows, I'm young so I have time.

I feel like love is like a sword, not a double edged one, just a regular one.

You start off grasping the handle, but you drop it over and over, each time it falls with the blade facing you. You have to pick it up every time, cutting yourself another scar of failure, each one getting more painful then the one prior.

Sometimes you think it will land with the hilt facing you.

The only real question isn't how it lands. It's that you have to realize you can easily just pick it up by the handle, it's a lot harder and not as easy as grabbing it by the blade, but it's always been option. You just have to realize it's there

Around friends, you're cool and confident

Around her, you're unsure of what to say

Around your best friend of 7 years, you know exactly how to make them smile

Around her, you just have to be there for her... even when you don't know how to begin helping her

Around a large group of people, you're able to make friends fast and get to know them

Around her, you struggle to ask her what she likes to do.


Why do you act so differently when you're

Around her.


You're nervous, its okay.


Around her, you feel happy

Around your friends, you can't talk to them about your deep feelings and desires.

Around her, you'd share everything

When you're around her, she is your everything

I've never done a lot of things in my life.

I've never had seafood, because it doesn't seem all that good

I've never had a first kiss, because I could never find the one then

I've never had....





"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"

That's a horrible phrase. Because either are horrible

I've had a long day, seems to be an even longer night

Dealing with you, but not you

I'm actually dealing with all of them

I'm actually also dealing things other then you

I'm dealing not drugs, but death sentences if I can't fix myself onto the track I'm just going to derail myself of later anyway

Not a huh?

But just a

huh.

I read that

Don't know what to do bout' that

Can't say much on that

Wishing you the best

Can't comprehend it all

Huh

I wish I could ask my friends for advice on a topic that boggles my mind, but I don't want them to see the stress I'm under

I wish my I could see my friends tell me exactly what to do, without knowing what I'm doing

How do I go on about this, I'm so worried I'll mess it up. I need to take

One

Two

Three

Quick breaths to keep calm. I'll figure this out somehow

I remember talking to them

I remember making them laugh, and smile.

I hope they're doing alright.

I don't know if they think about me.

I'm worried if I talk to them

It'll be opening old wounds

I'm not someone who can give you everything you could ever ask for

I'm not someone who's educated enough to know all the answers

I'm not even someone who follows their own advice

I'm nobody really, just another leaf in the tree of life

I wish I could make you see the world as I do, see my intentions to the letter, my passion flaming high

I wish you understood that I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable,

I blame my lack of knowledge

I blame that I don't know which of the thousands upon thousands of words in my vocabulary to choose from that will make you feel at ease

I blame myself for being who I am

What do I have to change to be better

I... I don't know what to call this

I'm too afraid to ask you where we stand because what if I don't like the answer

What if it never advances past this

I keep telling myself not to go too fast

But am I just not moving at all?

It's like a mixed bag of snacks, we all like to pick out the good moments and leave the bad ones inside

I don't know what will happen when I grab you from the bag