I know that there was once a time
I wrote a poem about us
I talked of alternate realities
And in you it rose a fuss

In it I spoke about our lives
Multiple and each one different
Some were happy some sad
Our story always recurrent

In the end I spoke of us
I had come to a resolve
In our story of talks and shows
Soon the times would dissolve

But as our time together has passed
Our story has evolved
Something inside me started to change
In my story you became more involved

Now in this story of talks and shows
The original plot is new
What once was an untimely end
Now begins and ends with you

So if you’ll let me I’ll write you in
In as many places as I can
I can’t lose you now you’re part of me
Our life together just began

Oh the irony
The ******* irony of it all
Once I believed
That I did not deserve happiness
How could I
Always too...... something
Too weak too sad
Too small too bad
Pitiful, vulnerable, broken, shy, damaged
Too much..... too

You told me
Yes you did my darling
You told me that I was
I deserved it the most you said
Out of anyone you said
I did you said
You said
You said
You gave me courage to chase my happiness
Yes
MY happiness

Turns out though that my happiness is also yours
Yours too
Or rather it is..... you
But now you are going to leave
What a hysterical hell I’ve found myself burning in
What a shame what a joke
The laughter in my head is drowning my thoughts
The black water swallows me

The fool dances around the court for laughs but still dies in the sewer at night
Give it all away and keep dancing
Maybe one day it will be enough
Make them happy because he knows true sadness

How could I ever believe that I could deserved happiness when I can’t even make myself happy

Ive played myself like worn out vinyl
The song we’ve heard so many times that it’s become obsolete and boring
I do this every time so when will I learn
that I just need to be happy
with what I have
It’s futile to chase what isn’t really there

So chase your dreams my love
Don’t let me hold you back
I’d never forgive myself
If I kept you from your happiness
Go chase it my darling
I’ll be here
Mourning the loss of mine
Slow dancing in the dark with the ghost of you until the day you return to me

I’m spiraling and sprawling out
The ugly parts revealed
Like a hermit crab
who’s had his shell taken

Hyperventilating and staring at opaque ceilings listening to the walls
They speak and when they do they whisper of me
They laugh at their corners and close in on me

They grip with brick hands
Face the floor
He feels what I feel
I will merge with him so they will be right
Let them walk all over me
Until I can no longer feel

I am the warmest sunset
Gracing the sky with violent colors
Resolve to trepidation
Passionate rebirth each day
Cyclic perseverance
Peace reverberates through the earth
But when the sun is gone
and you are nowhere to be found
my body will weep
Incessant rain vexing the sky
and the ground below
The heavens will swirl with  leaden clouds threatening to engulf all that is beautiful