beware when you fall in love
with an artist
be it a painter, a singer, or poet

for the artist will
paint you
with strokes and hues
in shapes of every kind

sing about you
with heartbreak lyrics
and feelings which rhyme

write about you
with the simplest words
and a secret message she wants to say

beware of the artist,
and her love
one wrong move
and you're an artwork in her display

I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.

13 months ago I experienced the biggest heartbreak I ever had.

12 months ago I was on a high.

11 months ago I made new friends.

10 months ago I did new things.

9 months ago I began writing more and more.

8 months ago I began a new school.

7 months ago I found a new best friend.

6 months ago I tried something different.

5 months ago I met a guy who understood.

4 months ago I began feeling cold.

3 months ago I felt nothing.

2 months ago I missed you.

1 month ago I cried every time I saw the color blue.

but now I realize that I am finally over you.

and oh how sweet it finally is.

Sometimes I wonder
Do you ever think about me?
Because I can’t seem to get you off my mind.
Do you ever think about what could have been?
I do.
I think about how happy we could have been.
I think about how we would have fought like cats and dogs
just to make up a couple minutes later.
Because I could never really be angry with you.
Do you ever think about what would have happened if we had just listened to our friends?
I do.
I think about what our first real date could have been.
I think about how you would have ordered the truffle fries because they’re your favorite.
but how I would have had to ask for your ketchup.
Because you are always forgetting things.
Do you ever think about what our first (sober) kiss would have been?
I do.
I think about how you would have been too shy and polite to make the first move.
I think about how I would have had to lean in first if I ever wanted it to happen.
however it never would have lasted long enough to suit my fancy.
Because I could kiss you forever.
Do you ever think about what could have been?
I do.
I think about what never was.
I think about how I never told you what I know now I should have.
but I am far too much of a coward to put myself out there like that.
Because I never knew how you felt.
Do you ever wonder if we missed our chance?
I do.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology for the way I have been acting lately.
I do not know what I was hoping to achieve,
But I know it created nothing of what I want.

Let me begin this with an apology.
An apology that I know cannot ever encompass
Anything near what it ever rightfully should,
But for you I will still try none-the-less.

I don't ever want to lose you.
For over the last two years you have been my best friend.
Through the good and the bad, it has been us unto the end,
And to hear you say otherwise has turned my world on end.

Regardless of the fact that you might be moving on,
I can only ever be happy for you, and
I told you I would always be here for you, always.
And I do my best to keep my promises and my word.

I don't ever want to lose you.
I know that I may lose bits and pieces as we live and grow,
I don't ever want to lose you,
Your friendship I value over all others, that I know.

You are a part of me, something which you've made clear to me.
For better or worse that's the way it's going to be.
It's simply a fact from which there is no escaping,
And you know what? That's fine with me.

You are my sun. High in my sky.
When I think of you, it brightens my life.
I know I haven't been acting the way these words say.
For that, I hope you might accept my sincerest apology.

You and I were best of friends, something which we said would stay.
I lost sight of that, I strayed from the path.
If you're willing to give it a try, it's something I'd like to get back,
Because I value your friendship and I'd like it there in the end.

Let me end this with an apology.
An apology for my immaturity, the worst of me.
For all we've been through you deserve more.
If you give me the chance, I'll make it up to you with every word.

You are my sun.
You are part of me.
You were my best friend.
Hurting you is something I cannot forgive.

And if you cannot either,
I will understand.
I'm sorry.
This is my apology.