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  Apr 2014 Ophelia
emma
she
She is like children’s shampoo you had at age four.
“Tear free.”
But when in your eyes,
The tears still stream.
She is like scented markers from kindergarten classrooms.
Foreshadowing when you’ll be sniffing things that will make you lose yourself,
And maybe lose everyone else, too.
She is like sidewalk chalk you drew with in the first grade.
Entertaining for the weekend,
But easily washed off with the rain.
She is a 9/10 on a second grade spelling test.
So close, but not enough.
She is the inflated stomach you had in third grade,
When all the kids would call you names and picked you last for kickball.
She is the time you threw up in fourth grade,
Because being “Fatso” wasn’t who you were.
Or wanted to be.
She is the countless sleepless nights in fifth grade,
Wondering if you were running away, or running to something.
She is the blood stained sheets from sixth grade,
The time you named a razor after your ex-best friend,
Who left you for the blonde bombshells.
She is the time in seventh grade,
When suddenly the sleeping pills your mom took looked more like candy than meds
So you had a few,
And ended up in a hospital bed.
She is everything you wanted to forget.
And yet somehow,
She brings you solace after a life not well spent.
Ophelia Apr 2014
Cut
I was never
A poet
Until the night you
Taught me the pain
A word
Can bring and now
These words are my only
Defense
And my sharpest
Knives.
My most deadly
Inflictions
Upon my own
Skin
And tonight I bleed out
For you
These words onto
a page
That you will never see
Quick note: this isn't about physical self mutilation, it's just about what it feels like for me to write about my feelings. Please don't see this as me trying to romanticize self harm.
Ophelia Apr 2014
Every space we once occupied
Together
Has turned to ash in my heart now
That you and she are there
Together
While I am here dreaming of you
Alone
I miss the nights I'd find you
Alone
And we could talk about anything
Together
And as long as you have her you
Don't need me so I'll stay away
You can stay with her
Together
And I'll stay here
Alone
"Let's be alone together
we can stay young forever"
-*Alone Together*, Fall Out Boy
Journal entry
  Apr 2014 Ophelia
suicidalsmiles
My life is now my delusion,
A world made of fantasies.
Happiness is no longer the illusion,
My life is my new disease.

No longer waiting to see what happens,
No more waiting on fate.
I will decide where it all ends,
I will show you all my hate.

You claim to be full of anger,
You spread nothing but lies.
Your time in my mind is in danger,
For you are whom I truly despise.

The look in your eyes is hard to handle,
It's almost something to be feared.
Is this true or just another scandal?
Where is your face--just mine I see mirrored.
done with the world, hbu?
  Apr 2014 Ophelia
Bjørn O Holter
Once upon a time was a girl named Candy
Sweet as a flower and loved all so much.
She was granted a wish by a fairy named Mandy
that turned into candy all that she touched.

The town was filled with the sweets of Candy
the rocks and the houses and bicycles too.
Candy would say that the world was just dandy!
parading the streets in her candy suede shoes.

But everything ends and also for Candy
when all that she touched would turn into sweets.
Realising a candy-lover's not handy
she walked alone on candy-cobbled streets.

And loneliness came like a night over Candy
crying skittles she soon went insane.
She cursed the wish she was granted by Mandy
as she crumbled and cracked like a candy cane.

For the rest of the year the children ate candy
the rocks and the houses and bicycles too.
The children would say that the world was just dandy
and the last sweet they shared was a candy suede shoe.
this poem has been sitting in one of my notebooks for quite some time without making much fuzz. I just remember it as something fun to write in a nursery rhyme-style and with a cute and simple rhyme scheme.
  Apr 2014 Ophelia
Molly
They say that a person's heart
is the same size as their fist
but when you said I love you it hit
harder than your hand ever did
and I may have two black eyes
but yours are the color of fresh cut grass
and your heart must beat faster
than a hummingbird's wings
because your fist moved like
the needle of a sewing machine on my skin
but I was the one stitching myself back up
and I am covered in bruises
shaped like the hand I used to hold
but they will never hurt as much as
the last time I felt your pulse
Wrote a similar poem a while ago, decided to come at it from a different angle.
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