"What is left if you
don’t want to live inside the
skin that makes you sick?”

i miss
         the smell of your hair
         the texture of your skin
         your arms around my waist
         the music you would play
         the comfort of your bed
         your hand on my thigh
         the safety in your eyes
         the cupcakes on my porch
         your slightly curved spine
         the way you shout my name
         the way you text me where i am
         your fingers around my neck
         the bruises on my ribs
         the pain in my shoulders
         your fists against my skin

I need you to love me like I'm wounded
In the darkness of my insecurities
hold me, kiss me, touch me,
fill my hollow organs with the shadows of your light.

i am claustrophobic 
and i despise
the feeling of
being embraced 

but right now, 
it's 3 am
and
i long for 
your warmth 

i want to
drown 
my ears 
with the beating
of your steady heart, 
to feel your
arms wrapped 
around my waist 
and your legs 
tangled with mine 

i want to feel
your mouth 
against my head 
with your 
hot breath 
grazing
my messy hair 

and i want 
to feel you 
pressed against me 
like the world is 
about to end 
and that this moment
is all we have 
and that the stars
aligned with us somehow, 

and i just 
want to feel your love 

i want to feel 
that comforting
reassurance 
that you love me 
as much as i love you