I am scared of my next birthday, the day I can fulfill my life long wish. That day I can buy death in a pretty package. My hidden secret inside green paper as to symbolize hope in this hopeless place I call home but never feel at home in. I will wish myself a happy birthday like I know what it feels like to be filled with joy. I will die from the inside while everyone is watching thinking I am a survivor.

My grandma gave away all the old bed sheets, even the towels she spent hours sewing his name on. She even removed his glasses from the table like he had never sat in the leather-chair next to it. I didn't even realized that he had gotten a different chair before he left it to never sit back down. It sometimes feels like he was not even here but I have buried myself underneath the fabrics so that maybe he will come alive in my dreams and when I wake up from a nightmare he might somehow be beside me. Grandpa I wish that you could pick up your glasses and see the stitches you left open.

Jeg stræber efter at vise dig de lyserøde skyer jeg ser over horisonten så du måske kan finde dig selv i mængden. Jeg vil udforske alle verdens vulkaner og stirre dybt ned i deres smukke rødbrune øjne men dine blålige øjne vil altid være de smukkeste. Måske kan vi løse mysterier som ingen kender svaret på hvorefter vi vil dø med alle livets hemmeligheder. Vores lyserøde hjerter vil vokse store nok til at vi kan gemme alle verdens vidundere i alle former og størrelser som lyserøde skyer. Jeg vil åbne mit hjerte op så du kan se dig selv på samme måde som jeg ser dig.

When you took our family tree up by the root my heart got tangled in the mess. Ants crawl under the door carrying away the branches laying on the floor. Now there is a hole in the middle of the room that goes down six feet from where I walk with my heavy shoes. Old seeds fade to dust like our memories like our family. I try planting the fresh ones in my chest but I fail to fill them with liquid because all the water inside me falls from my eyes to the sheets to floor where it has made an ocean of forgotten memories. Hopefully the ants will soon take the door with them, so I can swim to shore.