I wanted you to know
Not from anger or spite
Just a sort of insight
A slight glimpse into
My shadowed side
But I'm afraid you can't hold
They are really harsh, crude and snide

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear
The past that's so near
Memories so clear
They felt like yesterday
It seems never ending no matter how I pray
I struggle, I fall, I stand again.
There's just no end to how much I've got to pay

You say, you're sorry
Misunderstood me;
But no, seriously
It's not your fault truly.

I wanted to change
For the better, if only
It's just too late
I'm doomed
That's my fate

I don't know what to write anymore
I don't where to begin or if the end is near
I'm not okay, but I can't say
Everyone is so proud of me for "growing up"
I can't do anything to make it better
That would be immature and childish
I'm 21 turning 22 next year
They say it's great that I've grown out of it
That phase I was going through
That "drowning in my misery"
"acting out to seek attention" phase
Oh, how I wish, how I pray
Let that be just a phase
But if only that was true
I would not have to feel this way now

Why did it comeback,
How do we make it end.
Depression creeps in
Like a shadow approaching,
Closing the distance of our steps
As the sun rises and falls.

When do we learn to know,
How to walk away from pain.
The sadness lurking
Silently behind our eyes,
No real reason or explanation
Just a tiny escaped tear.

Day one again
Another begins,
Back to one
Another chance.

To choose.
to change.

So what's your choice?
What could be mine.

To choose to live or to stay;

This or that way, slipping...
Popping pills one
Knocking two down
Pretty sure just three

Where'd the rest gone !?
**** have you done, what !
The tyrants arise and smirk
Taking out their white coats

Pulling you further away
Towards the sirens
Taking you to the ultimatum
Another no more

You become their puppet
No life to live; air to breathe
You become no man
No person not an object

If you want to run, RUN
Away from the labels
Leave those tiny fractures
If you want to fly

Leave it all behind...

How hard could it be
To turnover a new leaf
Get a new lease
Watch and just feel it
As another leaves
Stealing off with my sanity
Well I blame idiocy
From the ruins we flea
Like falling leaves
Trailing the wind
Into the swells of the sea
Like little me
Huddled beneath
Frayed velvet cushions
Making out with hard liqueur
Smooth as your words
Burning me like your lips
Tongues slipping easily
Through sour teeth
Sharp as blades
You cut me open
With nothing but a kiss

I really dont know: will be the title of this post poem will last words epitaph farewell whatever I can't be bothered

Because: I really don't.
Well, for one how, when, why... Or why not
I'm just tired, really really tired..

I don't know why I write
Or what I'd want to say
I can't decipher the feelings
My actions try to convey

I look towards the sky for answers
At night I silently pray
For love, for hope, for reassurances
For salvation...