I don't regret it
Being with you
My first best friend
My first girl crush
Well that's a lie
The first girl crush
I allowed myself
To acknowledge
Was you.
You scared me more
Than anyone before you
I lived on edge for months  
I don't regret the
Music we shared
And the times
We cried
And the times we
Laughed
And the times when I was too scared to sleep because I thought I'd wake up to you having gone.
I don't regret loving you
Even though it hurts
Now
And I hope you know
That I still care.
I will always care
I think.

Closet Monster hides with shoes
Under jackets
Next to dresses
Twiddling thumbs and waiting
With a patience I am both scared and proud of.
"When?"
"Soon."
Close the door, take a breath, open eyes, relax.
The closet monster has your back, the closet monster knows how hard it is.
It waits and waits and when it's freed, the joy is unreachable.

Into the mirror I whisper
Grinning with the joy I sing  
The quiet reassurance
That nothing else can bring.

I grin because today
I look the part I play
I could pass as queer, I think
Just passably "a gay".

I smile and straighten my shoulders
(The only thing that's straight)
I let myself relax and smile
I think I was worth the wait.

We're made up of space dust
Does that make us stars?
Twinkling and glowing
And shining and growing
And someday imploding
In what used to be ours

Imagine being straight
What would that entail?

"I like men and boys and dudes.
I don't worry about stupid things
Like rainbow buttons
Or saying something wrong.
I flirt I float I know who I like
I know who will like me"

I can't imagine the certainty
I can't imagine the confines
I am not straight
And I'm happy with that.

"Is it straight?"
Don't say it don't joke
But what a way to come out!
(Guess what, I'm not!)
I wish I was brave
Could joke with ease
"Make sure it's straight"
I tried, but it only lasted a few years
Now I'm a raging bisexual
With 18 years of gay jokes
Waiting to come out
Ha. Come out.

Maybe I don't know who I love
Maybe I won't know for sure
Maybe I'm not supposed to know
And maybe that's okay.
Because maybe I love a boy
Because maybe I love a girl
Because maybe I love both
And maybe that's okay.